My Soul To Save
by Cullen Concession
Summary: He used her, hurt her and broke her. Can she break free and let go now that her soul has been torn in two? Can a free spirit help her pick up the pieces? Warning this piece deals with the issues of abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns it, I just put her characters in my world.**

**Special thanks to: Cullen Confection, ButterflyBettyCullen, SweetPoeticJustice (aka A.S.S.), GrayMattersFanfiction, and Meg Ugbot. These ladies rock AND all have stories...go read them, after you read this!**

**This is my first time writing! Let me know what you think.**

**If you are into music, I find the song Creep by Radiohead extremely fitting. **

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

I found myself driving 80 miles per hour in a 55 mph zone. I couldn't slow down. I had to get away again. My knuckles were white; I gripped the steering wheel so hard. But I swore, I was going to stay away this time. I instinctively reached for my neck. Damn, I hoped I didn't have bruises. I had no clue how to explain this. How do you hide bruises on your neck in the middle of the freaking summer? I knew I wasn't going to die, but I was tired of wondering how far I could be pushed.

We had been together for almost six months when the abuse started. It was easy to forgive in the beginning, because everything he said was true. I could handle the verbal abuse, I was used to that. Between my manic depressive mom, trying to be my best friend when I just needed a mom, and my dad, who would rather just stand back than fight, I knew what I was worth.

This time, I was at his apartment cleaning so we could leave, and I accidently hit the coffee table with the vacuum. I had no grace. When God was giving out grace, I thought he said race and took off running. Riley was measuring out bags of pot to sell to his friends. I didn't smoke. I liked prescription meds. I knew what to expect with those. I knew how much to take to stay awake so I could wait tables, maintain my grades, and talk to him all hours of the night. Anyway, Riley was pissed. His face hardened, his eyes turned to stone.

He was quiet. He was so sneaky, he could walk up behind you, and you would never know it. I should have known it from the silence of the room. I squeezed my eyes shut hard. I never felt him pick up the vacuum cleaner cord. I never felt it go around my neck. But, I sure as hell felt it tighten, and I heard him whisper in my ear, "You stupid fuck! You just cost me ten minutes." I couldn't respond. My hand instinctively reached for the noose around my neck. It was hard to talk when you couldn't breathe. I had learned not to fight him. This was about control. I knew that once he had my attention, he would stop.

He did. When I stopped struggling, he loosened the cord. I struggled to catch my breath. No matter how many times something like this happens to you, it is still a shock. I needed to apologize.

"I-I didn't mean to hit the table. I-I j-just wasn't paying attention."

"It's okay, baby. Now get the fuck on your knees and straighten this shit back out."

I did. I always did, whether it was straightening out the measured bags of pot or talking him down from a bad trip from his drug of choice. I felt the carpet crinkle under my knees. I thought if I just dropped him off at a friend's house and then left, I could go and not come back. Nobody gets this pissed over a bump to a table. The dank smell of the weed infiltrated my nose. I just had to make it to college. Once I got there, he couldn't do this to me anymore. I just needed to get away. I wonder if he could go with me.

"There, look. It's all straight. I wasn't trying to mess any-anything up. I just thought we could leave faster. I needed to head out soon."

His eyes softened and he looked at me through his lashes, "I know. You just have to understand, I was really focused on this." He pushed my hair off my shoulders. "You hair is so soft, so pretty. You are lucky it is so pretty." He wrapped it into a ponytail in his hands and pulled it firmly, letting me know he was still in control. The sad thing was I knew why he did this. His father did it to him. I felt so bad for him. While my head was tilted back from the force of his pull, his kissed me.

This was what I would miss. The bastard could kiss. I didn't think when he was kissing me. He put his fingers on my neck and whispered, "Don't worry, with your hair nobody will see that tiny little burn from the cord. I need to be more careful. I know better than to leave marks." He did and he told me almost every time. My bruises were always under my clothes if you could see them at all.

"It's okay. Nobody but you ever even looks at my neck, and you know me, they will just think it was the curling iron or something." I whispered. I couldn't cry. It just made me look weak.

"True, you are clumsy as fuck. Go on out to the car and you can take me to Benny's. He's waiting on me. You go do what you gotta do. But be back in about an hour and a half." He didn't ask, he told me.

Even if I didn't leave, he was so much easier to be around when he was stoned. So much more mellow. We got in the car together and he put in some music. He was telling me about the band, "The Grateful Dead". I liked them because they were a little bit country, and that was what I grew up on. We drove up the gravel drive to Benny's. Benny lived so close to the ocean that I could hear and smell it. I loved that smell, almost like Vicodin, the way it relaxed me. He leaned over, touched my neck, and turned my chin to him. I was wearing loose jean shorts and he slid his free hand up the leg. He was rubbing me through my underwear. It didn't matter to him that I was not wet, he knew I would be soon. It didn't matter to him that I didn't want this. It didn't matter to him that I was tired. It didn't matter. I looked over and sheepishly smiled at him.

"You will be back right, baby?" He murmured.

"Yeah." I responded automatically.

"Good, because you know how much I need you."

I watched him open his door and get out. He walked like Jim Morrison. He did it on purpose, he had spent hours watching videos of Jim. He had the sexy swagger down to an art form. He didn't look back. He just walked into Benny's.

I refused to break down right here. I put the car in reverse and headed to the parking lot of the grocery store. I could cry there. And I cried for 30 minutes. I decided this was it. I didn't need him. I didn't need this. I looked in my pocketbook for something to help make me numb to pain. I found it. A couple of Ativan would work. I slammed the car in gear and drove.

I convinced myself that I was so much better than this. And I knew that I was. I was reaching 80 miles per hour, surely I was going to get pulled over, if I didn't slow down. I looked in the rearview mirror; you couldn't even see what I went through earlier. I was calming down, a victim's worse habit. I remembered my mom telling me how important it was to have a man. I hadn't been without a boyfriend in six years, since I was twelve. I had always had them lined up, one after the other. Because who were you, if a man didn't need you?

Riley knew that was my trigger. He didn't have to say I love you. He just had to say he needed me. I looked down at the clock. Damn, if I hurried, I wouldn't be late to pick him up.

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><p><strong>Thanks for taking the time to read. Let me know what you think.<strong>

**Abuse is very real. Please seek help, AT LEAST someone to talk to, if you or someone you know is being abused. Sometimes, just letting someone know is all the difference.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Stephanie Meyer owns it, I just like using her character names in my world.**

**Super special thanks to Cullen Confection, GrayMattersFanFiction, SweetPoeticJustice, ButterflyBetty Cullen and MegUhbot. They are all super talented, go look up their names and read their stories!**

**Special music for this chapter is: Runaway Train by Soul Asylum.**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

Riley was so happy to see me. His smile could have lit up the entire town. He was stoned and tonight, I would be treasured. He asked me to stay the night with him. I called home and lied. It was becoming second nature. I was showing him I trusted him. We went for a drive down to the beach and parked at a beach access.

We just sat in the car and talked about everything. Talking with him was easy when he was like this. We talked about God, of all things. He didn't believe in my God, but I knew I could convince him. Every statement I made about my beliefs, he questioned me why. I didn't learn until much later, that was really what stoned people did.

He kissed the spot behind my ear. He lifted my hair and kissed over the small cord burn. I didn't even notice it. "Angel, you gotta be more careful. I am an important person in this town, and I can't have you screwing things up, ya know? I just want to look good. Next time, you can go inside with me." That was his way of telling me he wanted his friends to know I was his, not just another girl that dropped him off. I thought this meant I was meaning more to him. He knew this. He lit a cigarette and offered one to me, even though he knew I didn't smoke. I watched a the end of his cigarette flamed a bright orange.

"People won't trust you, if you don't smoke." He told me.

"I know, but I don't need to worry about that right now. It's too expensive and I can't afford to keep spending money."

"Let's walk." Although he phrased it like a suggestion, it was not, it was a command.

We started walking side by side, the wind blowing my hair all over the place. I tried to hold it back. Riley just laughed. I stumbled a little because the sand was not packed very tightly. He giggled at me, but reached over and steadied me. I loved to hear him giggle. I had heard all the stories of the bad things that had happened to him and I was glad I could take his mind off that.

He left his hand on the small of my back. We walked until we reached a walkway with a bench and I sat while he stood between my legs. I rubbed behind his knees. He moaned and kissed the top of my head. "That feels so good."

As I rubbed his legs gently up his inner thigh, he got close to my ear lobe and whispered "You make me hard."

I knew I did. I knew how to make him moan. He was coming down from being high. I asked him if he wanted to go back to the car. He shook his head no, while pinching my nipple through my shirt. Fitted cotton t-shirts never hid rock hard nipples. He knew what he did to me. We stayed just softly touching each other. Out of the blue he asked me, "How is the college shit going?"

"I have no clue how I am going to pay for it. Mrs. Cope says I can probably get another scholarship to then one upstate is I play hardball with them. It's a good school. And Renee will have to call before she visits." We both laughed at that.

He sat down on the bench and motioned for me to lean against him. We just sat in silence. It was peace. Renee wasn't yelling about the latest man to screw her over, I didn't need to make sure Granny was taking her meds and not eating too much sugar, no tables were demand their food to be served a certain way and no schools breathing down my neck about Honor Society, Yearbook Club, Drama scenes or English papers, just me being held and feeling safe.

The best things about Riley's arms were they were strong. No one else hurt me. He kept all the other bad guys away from me. When Garrett made fun of me for not realizing he was cheating on me, Riley punched the shit out of him and ended their friendship. Nobody did things like that for me. Thinking you are safe with the bad guy, is a victim's worse habit.

We headed back to the car and his hand was under my shirt. School was almost out. Graduation was coming. I wanted to go to "Project Graduation" with my classmates even though they barely knew me anymore. I had been waiting tables on the weekends and after school, when I could get the hours. And Riley didn't give me the time to be friends with anybody else, so my friends just quit calling me. Not that I had been burning up the cell phone minutes with them either. Riley was all I had wanted, and now he was all I had.

I turned into him. I kissed his neck. He asked me why, and I just smiled. He knew me enough to know that I was feeling insecure, and needed more. That was what he wanted.

We got back to the car. I wanted to kiss him. We started kissing and his tongue was dancing with mine. He was commanding me with his kiss. I touched him through his shorts. He moaned while kissing me. I wondered for the millionth time how he was so good at it. He knew just what to do. His hands were under my shirt. There was nothing fancy about my bra. Eighteen year-old girls didn't have matching bra and panty sets in my world. You got what you got, or whatever was on sale at Wal-mart.

There was a very loud tap on his window. Then there was a very loud tap on my window. I rolled down the windows and I was greeted with two policemen. One on each side of the car. When asked, I told them my name. Riley gave them his. Then he smirked at me and said, "Watch this."

"Step out of the car, Mr. Biers," the first officer said.

"You, too, Miss. Is he harming you in any way?" The second one interjected.

"No, sir." The other officer was actually handcuffing Riley. Riley was smiling at me. "Hey! What is going on? There is nothing illegal about sitting in a car talking."

Riley was being patted down and I prayed he didn't have anything on him. The officer pulled me to the side and made me assure him that I was ok. My heart raced and pounded out of my chest. They took the cuffs off Riley and told us to go home, that we had been there long enough. We got back in the car.

"Oh my God, Riley, what the hell?" I exclaimed.

"They have a list downtown, and if I am in a car they pull me over, I get cuffed first and then they ask questions. Did that son of a bitch hurt you? Did you tell him about Benny?" He asked in one breath.

At first, I was flattered, he was all worried about me while being handcuffed. "Tell them about Benny, why would I do that?"

"They know who I am. Just because you are with me, they know to ask you questions." I started to crank up the car and when I moved my seatbelt across my chest, I heard plastic crinkle. I didn't know what it was.

"Riley, I am not dumb enough to mention something like that."

"But, you could have been nervous and just slipped. I know how you ramble. Now did you mention anything about today?" He demanded.

"Damn it, no. We need to head back to your apartment."

"Yeah, you got any money? I want some beer, it's been a long day." With Riley and alcohol, there was a fine line between lover and douche bag. I handed him five and drove to the store. He walked back out with wine coolers. He knew I would drink with him.

"I know you love strawberry." He sat in the car and opened the bottle. He didn't care that we were in public. He drank some and reached over to kiss me. It tasted so good. He rimmed the bottle with his fingers and then my lips. He kissed me, sucking first my top lip and then my bottom lip. I was nothing but his, especially when he was sweet like this.

We got back to his apartment. I didn't realize the toll the day had taken on me. I was lucky I had the night off. I yawned, I was so tired. Riley was not. Riley won, like he always did. I gave him a Darvocet I found and I took one, too. We just needed to wait for the mellow. I talked with him about graduation.

I told him that I was thinking about going to Project Graduation. He pouted. "I can't believe you don't want to spend the night with me. After all the shit I had planned." I knew he hadn't planned anything. He was just trying to make me feel guilty.

"What did you plan? I don't have to go, I just thought it would be nice to say goodbye." I explained.

"Those assholes don't give two shits about you. When is the last time you heard from Lynn or Angela?" He didn't know Angela was the only friend I still talked to. She called just to check on me. She knew something wasn't right. She also knew I was strong. I had been through a lot. Too much, though she didn't know how much, few people did. She knew that I used to being treated badly. She saw what I went through with Garrett before Riley. Renee before Garrett, the list was long.

"Well, I guess I don't have to go," I caved.

"What the fuck? Now you're saying you don't want to spend time with me? That's fine, there are ten other girls I can be with that night. You go ahead to your Project Graduation. Call me when it's over." Riley growled out.

The decision had been made.

I was disappointed, but somehow I already knew this was how it would end up. And other than Angela, no one really bothered with me anymore. They didn't want to get me in trouble. And I just didn't have time to be a normal teenager like the rest of them. In addition to waiting tables, I was taking care of Granny Marie. I was worn out. I didn't have time for more drama. I didn't care who was dating whom, what someone wore to prom, or whose daddy bought the pretty girl a new car. What did that shit really matter anyway?

I was starting to feel the Darvocet. What could I do to make him tired?

"Of course, I would rather spend time with you. I am so happy you made plans for us." I wondered if he was finally willing to have sex with me. I had been too fat. I was a size ten. I had been trying to become bulimic, but it wasn't working for me. I just couldn't get in the mind set. I needed some more Adderall, and then I would have more energy. "Are you tired? I have had a long day, can I just lay with you for a bit? I know you will keep the demons away." I wondered if I could go to the doctor and pretend to have ADHD?

He put his hands around my neck and lifted my chin. I was scared. He could see it. "Don't be scared. If I wanted to hurt you, there is nothing you could do about it anyway." He squeezed just a little but he smiled. He was right. He was stronger than me. The only way to stop was to leave and stay away. "Lay down." He pushed me a little harder. I moved to the top of the bed and motioned for him to join me.

He moved up me on his forearms and knees. He straddled my hips. He motioned with one finger for me to lean forward. He unbuttoned my shirt, with his eyes never leaving mine. The good thing about being a teenage girl and a size ten, was my boobs were bigger than the fried eggs he was used to. He loved that. He leaned into me and I started kissing his chest. He unfastened my bra. When I started to take my bra off, I heard plastic crinkle again. I look down, and ten hits of acid, wrapped in cellophane, were in my bra. I picked it up and looked up at him.

"Where did this come from?" I asked.

"Not right now, baby, you have work to do. We can talk about it later."

"No. I didn't put acid in my bra this morning, Riley. When the hell did you put it there?" Then I knew. The fucker slipped it in my bra in the car when he saw the cops. He watched as the realization dawned on me.

"Don't get mad. I knew they would cuff me, and that is all I had on me. They had driven by twice. You are so clueless, you didn't even know they were sitting behind us for about five minutes before they came to the window. Seriously, if you are going to be with me, you gotta be more aware or your surroundings." He was right.

"But Riley, I could have gone to j-jail." I stammered out.

"I knew they weren't gonna search you. I wouldn't do that to you, if I thought something would happen to you. I need you, can you see that?" He was still straddling me. He rocked his hips forward. "I need you so bad. And I have a present here for you. But you gotta be good for a present. Let me make this up to you. I know you love dosing. You can keep them." He was right. I could keep going for hours with just a hit.

This wasn't ok. If I got caught, I would lose my only chance to escape him. I could go to college to get away from him. Whatever it took. With that thought, I knew which one to call. I was accepted to one across the country, but I didn't get a scholarship. I would call the one across the state on Monday.

He was rocking on my hips. "Listen, doll, if you aren't into this, I can find someone who is. It ain't that hard, that friend of yours, Lauren, was looking at me. You got her number? I'd love to fuck that. I bet that pretty pussy just stays wet." He knew I was not thinking about him. "You shouldn't be so far way when I am right here." He was sitting on my thighs. "I try so hard to make you feel good. You don't need to spoil it."

He was laying next to me. "Wonder who is wetter, you or that Lauren chick?" Please let me be wet. He was touching me through my shorts. "There are so many ways I can get your attention." He never lost eye contact with me. My thoughts couldn't stray when he was searching my soul. I responded by kissing him.

He was going to make me cum just by rubbing my shorts. And I did. "See, angel, I know how to take care of you. Don't question me again." He was serious.

"Can you get me a drink? You wore me out." I asked him.

"Just wait for your surprise." He handed me a wine cooler. I needed to get him off, so I could sleep. I had a shift tomorrow. And I needed to go check on Granny.

I chugged my wine cooler.

Damn, I was wet and sticky. I took my shorts off. I had nothing on but my panties, which were soaked. "I wanna try something with you. Take off those panties." I did. Without warning, he slid his fingers into me. Two of them, hard. He didn't pump, he just held them there. He curled his fingers and brought his thumb to my clit. Yeah, the boys before him couldn't hold a candle to him. I was on the brink. He stopped.

"You trust me?"

"With all that I am."

"You gotta relax, angel. But you gotta trust me." He slid one finger, dripping wet with my juices, into my ass. He didn't move it. He just held it there. He waited until I opened my eyes. With his free hand, he put two fingers in my pussy. He was pumping into me with his fingers. "I know that feels good. Just relax. Let me do the work." I forgot the acid, I forgot the vacuum, I forgot my name as I came around his fingers and he slid a second finger into my ass. He removed his hand from my pussy and started to stroke himself with it. I knew it was my job to finish him. He should not have to work that hard to please himself, after what he just did to me.

"Stop, let me." I whispered. He pulled his other hand free of me. He reached across me to a towel near his drink. This was his plan, from the moment I found the acid.

I placed his cock between my folds, but not inside me. I knew I was still too fat for that. He knew it, I knew it. Once he was covered, I motioned for him to come up to me. I covered his dick with my breasts. He loved this. Riley loved to watch as his dick slid in between my breasts. He would hold my breasts together tightly. As he pumped the he needed more so he demanded that I use my mouth. He a little tap on my face with his dick. He would cum all over me. He didn't care if it got in my hair, on my face or anywhere as long as he came. I cleaned up. I needed to sleep.

He pulled me close and put his hand between my legs to sleep. I felt wanted, he'd know if I went anywhere.

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><p>Let me know what you think! I am going to try to have a regular posting schedule. Look for the next chapter on Tuesday!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

SM owns it, but I bet you know that by now.

Super Special thanks to Cullen Confection, Graymatters Fanficition, Butterfly Betty Cullen, SweetPoeticJustice and Meg Uhbot. Please go read their stories, each writer is so awesome.

Music – Hey Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

I was going to be late. I needed to go. I kissed Riley goodbye. The voice in my head told me I should leave and not come back. I picked up everything I own. I did this every time. Today was Sunday. I had to go see Granny and fix some meals for her, make sure her meds were laid out for the week, and check her schedule of doctor appointments. I had to be at the restaurant by 11:00am for brunch service. And I desperately needed to change clothes, because I smelled like sex.

I really should bring a change of clothes over here. I hadn't even walked out the door, and I was already planning to come back. I shouldn't have spent the night.

My visit with Granny went well, and I would come back tonight to write her bills. I headed to work. I knew Riley had called work a few times, checking up on me. At first, he would pretend to be a customer making sure I was working, but my boss was my guidance counselor from school and she knew the signs. He has been calling school, as well.

I got to work and Riley had already called twice. Ms. Cope owned the restaurant with her husband. "Sweetie, we gotta let you go. We just can't have that. He calls all the time during your shift, before your shift, after your shift. Today is it." I understood. Damn, that was good money. What the hell was I going to do? I ran to the bathroom. I threw back two Xanax. Just to be numb for the night. Just to get through this shift. Then start looking for something else. It's tourist season, jobs were pretty easy to get if Riley would just back off.

Ms. Cope came into the bathroom. "Just go home, sweetie. You need rest. I am sorry. If he calls I will tell him you are here. Just go." This was my chance. I could have a six hour jump on him. Fuck my life. I couldn't just disappear. Where could I go? I didn't know, but right now, I was going to the pier. I loved the pier. I sat there and watched the waves. For an hour and a half. I saw the water park was hiring. Hell, they close at 7, every night would be free. I could see him every night. I was sick. I wanted him. I could spend a few hours with him, and I wouldn't have to lie to anyone, they'd all think I was at work.

I knocked on the door. I could tell there were several people there. I didn't know he was having people over. He came to the door, the air is thick with smoke of every kind imaginable. His pupils were the size of saucers. He's hard. There were no girls in the room. "Come here, princess, you look so good. Come meet our friends." He said their names and said that his girl was here. I was Riley's girl. I had heard of the guys he was introducing me too. They were the major dealers in our area. Everybody in our county knew their names, if they watched the news. My heart skipped a beat. He was claiming me to them. I looked around the trashed apartment.

"You guys need a drink?" Everybody just nodded, their tongues were too thick and dry to say much. They all looked at me like I was a snack. I grabbed some sodas and handed them out. Riley pulled me onto his lap. All the boys laughed when I almost spilt his drink on him.

He was pissed. He thought they were laughing at him. He whispered, "You think that was funny?"

"N-no, baby, I didn't mean too, I was trying not to spill it."

"Did you hear that?" he said to the guys. "N-n-n-no, b-b-baby. Silly bitch can't walk or talk."

The boys knew not to say anything. They treated their girls the same.

If I played my cards right, I could make this better. I leaned into Riley and kissed his neck. "What's your poison?" I asked him. He was still hard under me.

Acid was all he said. I was jealous. I couldn't stay with him tonight, and he was going to want multiple releases. I wiggled my ass, knowing that information. The other guys were watching. He couldn't ask them to leave. He wanted me, he wanted release. I just wanted to be held by him and promised that he wouldn't leave the apartment to find someone else. I had class tomorrow; I needed to take care of Granny tonight.

"You guys need anything else?" One of them asked if I had any friends. The others just nodded in agreement. Someone asked Riley if he could invite his woman over. Riley's nose was in my hair. "Damn, dudes, we aren't having an orgy here. Just call your bitches and have them come get your sorry asses." He was consumed with me. He had one hand between my legs, slowly rubbing me. I couldn't help but get wet. The other hand was playing with my hair. Gentle tugs, small pulls. Everything he did would be because of the drug. I wanted to get up. He knew what I was doing. I called Granny and lied, told her I was working a double and I wouldn't be home around ten. She knew I was lying but she couldn't stop me. Riley would hurt her if she tried. He had told me that.

I was still in his bedroom after lying to Granny. He came in. The guys didn't care. They would do the same thing. They had done the same thing, so he told me. I didn't want to look like a slut. "Angel, guys like me, don't introduce our sluts to guys like them. You are my girl. Don't you see what this means? If you were a slut, I would not have let you in, or maybe I would have fucked you in the chair, right in front of them. Not you, baby, I came in here to check on you. Now you're gonna stay with me a little while, I got a problem I need for you to help me with."

He lasted forever. I had tried with my hands, I had tried with my mouth. "I want to be between those big breasts of yours. No one titty fucks like you baby."

The problem was the lube. The only way for this to work was lube. My jaw hurt so bad, but I managed to coat his cock in spit. He did this for ten minutes. My sternum was bruised. I couldn't take it. I tried to stop him. "Riley, baby, this isn't working, it's the acid."

"This is some good shit. This is the stuff I got for you."

"Yeah, any pains?"

"Nah, it's clean. Take half and stay up with me tonight."

"I can't, I have school, Granny, you know just life. You enjoy it." He was drawing abstract designs on my breasts and stomach. "You feel so good."

"I am going to go check on the guys." The four of them were exactly how I left them. Laughing at the little monkey in Aladdin. Riley was still laying on the bed. I laid down with him. I still had two hours. I laid beside him. I kissed him here and there. He was so gentle right now. And all we did was lay and talked and kissed and touched.

I left and went to Granny's. I balanced her checkbook, wrote out all her bills, and made sure her doctor appointments were in my calendar. She had three this week. Graduation was in two weeks. I had six exams in the next four days and two papers, one of them in Spanish. Damn, where was the Adderall? At least I didn't have to work this week, but I needed to put in that application so I could get a job at the park before all the good jobs were gone. I was 5th in my class, I didn't need to study for anything, but it was still stressful. I worked on my paper until 12:30. I put Granny to bed an hour ago. I turned all the ringers off on the phone, except mine.

I called him. He answered and I heard girls in the background. I asked him how he felt.

"So, so good."

"As good as you felt when you were between my breasts?"

"Damn, now you made me hard again."

"I'm sorry."

"No you aren't. You like that you can make me hard with a sentence." He was right.

"Are you alone?"

"No. The guys got their shit together and called a couple of bitches over. Some chick named Tanya is here." He remembered her name while tripping, that meant something. "Your breasts are better than hers." I wondered if he had seen Tanya's breasts. "She smells like plastic flowers." I wondered how close he had been to her to smell her. "She fuckin' bit my neck. Seriously, I thought she was going to kiss me, but she went all vampire on my ass." He would hurt me, if I allowed another guy to kiss me on the neck.

"What was she doing trying to kiss you?"

"We aren't fuckin' married!" He shouted. I was out of my league. I had to get away. I needed a break.

"You are right. Sorry. I need some sleep."

I didn't call him again that night. I went to school, Mrs. Cope asked me if I told him. I remembered that I hadn't. She said she would cover for me. I had one shift during the school week he knew about. Granny's had two appointments on Tuesday after school and one on Wednesday. He thought I was working Thursday. I needed to apply for the water park job today. She threatened to tell my mom what she knew. I told her we broke up last night. But I asked her not to tell him that I was not there if he calls.

I nailed the job at the water park. I still didn't want to talk to him. I wondered what he was doing. I looked in my purse. I didn't fucking want to feel anything about this. He was going to go berserk. I went to Granny's. I told her about the new job. She was happy I didn't have to work nights. I started in two weeks. She handed me $100. "Now, don't you give it to that boy."

"I am trying not to see him anymore, Granny."

"You let me know what I need to do."

"Right now, Granny I just want to rest. I am so tired." He cheated. I didn't care what he called it. Granny's phone was ringing nonstop. She had told him I was not there. He called her a lying cunt. I heard it. He would not stop unless I talked to him. On the 41st call, I talked to him.

"What the fuck? You not going to talk to me?"

"I just had shit to do, Riley. I had to study for exams."

"Fuck that. You know better. I am going to kill that lying whore of a grandmother you have. Lying to me, I knew you were there. I'll come mess up that bitch's pills. Give her some nitroglycerin and Viagra. Fuck that. You wanna fuck with me?"

"No, I just needed to study."

"I need to see you."

"I can't see you. I have to study and I have the Spanish paper due."

"Fuck that. I am more important than that shit."

"I can't leave tonight."

"I will fuckin' walk there. I need to talk to you."

"Can't we just talk on the phone?"

"What the fuck? Can't I just want to see you? I mean you avoid me all damn day? What the hell?"

"Riley, it's not okay about Tanya. How would you feel if a guy tried to kiss me?"

"It's not like I fucked her! She tried to kiss me on the neck and she bit me."

"Seriously, Riley how would you feel?"

"I certainly would not be acting like a whiney teenage bitch."

"I can't talk to you right now."

"You will be back. You can't get away from me like that."

I hung up. Was this my chance? I took three Vicodin and slept but the phone didn't ring. I went to school. I took Granny to the doctor. I came home and checked her mail. Fuck my life. A letter. He didn't mail it. He walked over here and stuck it in her mailbox. I looked around for him. I would never find him, but I knew he was here. I wanted to read the letter. Granny was settled, so I told her I had to study.

All the letter said was, "Come see me, angel. I need you."

The word you was underlined. "Granny, I need to go to Kmart to get a protractor for my exam. I will be back in an hour."

I drove out to the road. He was standing there smiling. He was the Cheshire cat. I was the canary.

He got in. I hated when he smoked in my car. I looked at his neck. It was a hickey, not a bite. "Wanna smoke?"

"Yep." He was stunned. I needed something.

He handed me a smoke. It felt awkward but I had been watching my parents smoke for years, so there was something easy about it. He pushed my hair behind my ear. "Your hair is so soft." I had pulled into a parking lot.

"Did you say that to Tanya?"

He punched my dashboard. "You can't be like that. She was nothing. You don't understand my world. You are my girl. Everybody knows that."

"Well, now everybody knows your girl is stupid, because you have a hickey from someone else. You will not let me do that, why her. Hickeys aren't something that is instant. You gotta suck for a second or two. What the hell were you doing while she was attached to your neck like a leech?"

I was looking at him. He was looking down. He turned and backhanded me across my face. When you're hit that hard, your world turns white, not black.

"You wanna mark?" He took his cigarette and burned the side of my knee. I yelled, and screamed out. "Now, we are twins." He pulled up his pants and showed me a burn from his dad in the same spot. I was done with this, I just needed to figure a way out. He was not going to let me go, unless I physically left. I needed to accept that offer from the college across state. Tears were streaming done my face. I was so scared of him. He saw it.

"I promise you I am not fucking anybody else. Please stop crying." He thought I was crying over him and Tanya, I was crying for me. "Take me home, my legs hurt." He thought we were fine. I drove to the apartment, he wanted me to come in. I told him I didn't have time. He asked me to call, I just shook my head.

When I got back to Granny's with my Kmart bag, I went into the kitchen and noticed her medicine container on the cabinet. "Granny, did you forget to put your medicine away this morning?"

"No, I was sure I put it back in the cabinet. Well, I guess I left it out, but I normally take it all at the table." The fucker had been inside. He was leaving me a note. I needed to check the medicine, before I went to bed. I had to play these cards right. I had to leave him and no one could help me, this had to all be on me.

Renee called, and said I had a letter to the college upstate. They were inviting me to a work study program that started three weeks before classes, and I could move in a full month before classes began. I had two and a half months before I could leave. I had been lying to Renee, saying I needed to spend nights with Granny; I just wanted to be closer to him.

Riley called. "Hey. We need to talk. I called your work. When the fuck were you going to tell me you lost your job?"

"Holy crap, that is why I came home early the day you were trippin'. I didn't want to mess up your trip. And then the mess with Tanya. I just had other things on my mind."

"Like lying to me? Wanna know what it feels like to be lied to?"

"No, I didn't lie. I just forgot to tell you."

"I fucked Tanya. You should have heard her call my name. All the guys did. She rode me like her life depended on it. I watched her tits bounce. I pulled out and she let me cum in her mouth, and she swallowed and licked me clean." I would never know which one was true. I would never know.

I hung up on him. I covered the burn with aloe. I prayed. I took four Darvocet. I went to bed.

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><p>Please let me know what you think.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I am broke therefore I am not SM and do not own Twilight.

Special thanks to: Cullen Confection, GrayMatters Fanfiction, SweetPoeticJustice, Meg Uhbot and ButterflyBetty.

Warning: This chapter deals with drug and sexual abuse.

Music for this one: Lightening Crashes by Shine and Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty

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><p>CH.4<p>

I called the University from the guidance office at school, and Mrs. Cope was beside herself with the news. They offered me an additional $10,000.00 a year in scholarships. This meant I could go to a private college four hours away for less than $4,000.00 a year. I couldn't wait to tell him, and at the same time, I couldn't wait to get away from him.

My exams were child's play. I headed to the parking lot and Riley was there waiting for me. I knew how to act. I smiled and ran to him. He hugged me too tightly and turned me around so that my back was against the car. He was claiming me, in front of the school and he was drunk.

"How did you get here?" I asked him, after I caught my breath from our kiss.

"Benny brought me. You need to give him some gas money next time you see him." It was always on me. As much as he bought and sold, I always had to pay for everything.

Angela came up to us. "Hey!" She was looking only at me. "I hope your leg feels better. Make sure your curling iron doesn't fall off the counter again. People are going to think you are just making stuff up." She said the last part looking only at him. She didn't know my plan, she was safer not knowing. I winced internally, knowing I would pay for that comment.

"Yeah, she is clumsy as hell. It's a good thing I stick with her." Riley smiled at Angela. He was too much for her. She hugged me and whispered _I love you_ and _call me_ in my ear.

"Well, I called the university. They offered me another scholarship."

"What did you do, offer to fuck the dean?" Riley snarled.

"Yeah. He said if I would have a threesome with the Head of Poli Sci, they would help me out with law school, too." I joked, but the look in Riley's eyes let me know I went too far. The old me came out. The old me was what started all this. The first hit was because I was a smart ass, in front of his friends. I wondered what he was going to do. I had an idea to distract him. "I have something for you! Let's get in the car."

I pulled out two Xanax. I remembered that I needed to refill my stock. He took them with a long drink of whatever was in his cup. I thought we were good, and I cranked the car. I could see the hickey out of the corner of my eye. I knew better than to test it again.

Riley turned to me and it was obvious my distraction. "Now, I have something for you." It was so rare that I got anything from him, other than drugs or sexual favors. He handed me a glass rose. It was so delicate. "I saw this, and I wanted you to have it. You are going to be so far away." I could see the good guy that I fell for. "I am sorry about Tanya. Don't fucking leave me over that cunt." He was pleading with me. "I didn't fuck her, but you can't hide things from me anymore." I didn't know if he was telling the truth. He put his hands over his face.

I pulled over at a small park. I put my hand on his leg and he started tracing my fingers. His touch felt so good. "Wanna smoke?" This was my cue to pull the car over. Once I stopped, he got out of the car. He knew I hated it when he smoked in the car. I walked around to where he was leaning against the car door.

"No, thanks. I think I was just frustrated yesterday." I smiled at him.

"Frustrated. I have been crazy thinking you would leave me over some whore who is lousy in-to talk to." I looked at him. I caught his slip. He punched me in the ribs without warning. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know if one was broken, I didn't know if I was okay. I sunk to my knees, holding my side.

"Get the fuck up before you cause a scene. You and your little friend already tried to say I was beating you. Is that what you want you want me to do, beat you?" He kicked at my legs. I tried to stand up, but it wasn't easy because I still hadn't caught my breath.

"W-we have to get going, Granny has an appointment." I tried so hard not to cry. It was hard to hold my side and drive the car. Damn manual transmission. I was really hurt.

"You think for one day, we could get along without fighting?" He asked me and actually looked like he was sad. "I can't control it. It just happens." He wanted to take the attention off the fact that he punched me, because he had a slip of the tongue and admitted to fucking Tanya. "You know I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know, Riley. I will call you when we get back from the doctor. Hell, I can't even remember which one she goes to today." I tried to turn and grab my bag with my calendar in it.

"Let me do that. You just drive." He said to me, while reaching in the back. I wondered if he just wanted to see my schedule, or if he was trying to be nice. "You are taking her to a chiropractor? You should let the doctor take a look at your side. You fell into the car pretty hard back there." He was telling me that he wanted someone to look at it, but to lie about what happened. I knew that he knew Dr. Bennington; oddly enough he sold pot to him. The doctor knew me. I kept his secret, he would keep mine. I had learned that was the way the town worked when you were this high up in the drug chain. The doctor would know Riley did this to me. "Maybe I need to see the Dr. Bennington today, too?"

I left Riley at his apartment with a quick kiss and he whispered, "I need you so much, can I see you later?"

"I really hurt, Riley. I'm probably just going to take something and chill out for a bit." Renee knew that when I take Granny to the doctor I spent the night with her. As long as, for appearance's sake, I looked like a good daughter, Renee didn't really care; she was out doing who and whatever she wanted

"Look, take care of yourself. I will see you at the doctor's. We will pretend it is a surprise. Dr. B will take care of you and Granny." He smiled and gently stroked my chin.

Granny was somewhat grumpy because we were a little later than she liked. Riley walked in whistling about two minutes after we got there. Dr. B called Granny back and saw Riley sitting there. "Good to see you, Mr. Biers. I did not realize that we had an appointment today." Dr. B usually met with Riley after hours. Riley walked over to him and whispered something in his ear. The Doctor looked at me and motioned for me to follow my grandmother. The doctor placed his hand on my side, exactly where I had been punched, and I winched. "Well, Ms. Marie, it looks like your granddaughter here has a rib giving her some trouble. Would you mind if I take a look at her?"

After leading me to an exam room, the doctor pushed and probed my sore side, he left the door open and I knew it was so Riley could hear. "It doesn't feel broken, I think you are just bruised pretty bad. The only way to know for sure is with an x-ray. My tech is gone for the day. You can go over to the ER if you want. They can wrap you and give you some meds." A little louder he said, "You need to be more careful, looks like you are pretty banged up right now." He squeezed my hand. He knew.

I took Granny home. She looked at me and said, "Ticks are about the worst animal to get rid of. Some just will not leave you alone." I know what she is saying. Riley was my tick. I just wanted to lay down. I asked if she had any Tylenol, I knew she did, this just gave me the chance to take her medicine instead of mine. Percocet was my choice.

I went into my room. Riley called and we talked for hours. We had phone sex, or rather I talked while he jacked off.

Three days went by with nothing but sweet conversations between the two of us. I kept taking the Percocet. My side bruised vividly but was getting better. Next Friday was graduation. Riley insisted he had a night planned for us. My classes were a joke the upcoming week. Saturday night, I needed to get out of the house. I went to Riley's apartment and he was there, waiting for me. "Hey, baby!" I announced.

"Something's got you in a good mood." he smiled.

"I just feel good, Granny let me out, Renee is out of town or something." We both laughed. He was acting so much better. I wondered if Dr. B had talked to him.

"Since you have the entire night, let's do something. We could go to a movie, or the beach, or the rides. We could celebrate your scholarship." He moved my hair off my shoulders. "First, I wanna do something." He motioned for me to sit on the floor as he sat behind me on the couch, so I was between his knees. He started rubbed my shoulders. I moaned out loud. He rubbed each aching muscle until I was almost asleep. I didn't realize how tense I was. He slid off the couch and sat next to me. "You are so smart. College bound. Are you going to forget about me?"

"No way. I will call, and come home, and maybe you could come get an apartment up there."

"I can't leave what I have built up here. Just doesn't work like that." I leaned my head back on the couch. I felt so relaxed. He started stroking the side of my face with his fingertips. I turned to face him. "Riley, kiss me, please." And he did. He kissed like he was pleading with me. I didn't know what he was asking, but this, was the Riley I first met. I wanted to stay in the apartment and just be a young couple.

Riley stood up. He was barefoot and he held his hand out to me. He pulled me to my feet, kissing my neck and my chest where the collar of my shirt was open. He stopped and said, "Let's go walking on the beach."

And we spent Saturday night, walking and talking, and buying tacky stuff like tourists. He kept calling me 'his girl'. He would see friends and they would smile at us and wave. He was marking me to everyone. We walked back to his apartment with all our treasures. I grabbed soda and we watched television. RIley smoked a joint. I laid with my head in his lap, while he played with my hair. He lifted my shirt and was happy to see a fading bruise. "You heal so nicely." He kept running his fingers up and down my exposed skin. "You can take your shirt off. No one is coming. It's just us tonight."

I turned so I was not laying on my side but on my back, and I looked up at him. "Why don't you lay on the couch with me?" I didn't take my shirt off. He lifted my head from his lap, and got a pillow and placed it beneath my head. He crawled up the couch between me and the cushions. He held me. He just held me, while I snuggled into him. And we slept that way.

He awoke Sunday and kissed me until I realized I wasn't dreaming. "You looked too peaceful." He whispered to me. "I know you gotta go soon. But not yet, baby. I have missed you so much." He was stroking my thigh. I tried to roll so I was facing him, but he stopped me with a kiss. "Friday night is going to be so good. Will you come here, straight from graduation? I will be there. We can come back here, and I have a surprise for you." I kissed him and then I sucked on his earlobe. "Don't start it baby, we don't have time."

His phone rang and when he reached for it, I started licking his ear. He just smiled. As he talked, I could tell it was business, but he wasn't pushing me away. And I wanted him to know how happy he made me. I reached under his shirt and rubbed his nipples, and he grabbed my hand and brought my fingers up to his mouth. He shook his head no, but started sucking my fingers in between a series of no and yes answer on the telephone. He kept looking in my eyes. He brought my hand down and slowly lifted my shirt just enough to put his hand there. I whispered in his ear, "You are on the phone, you don't need to do this." He just answered the caller's question and smirked at me.

He pulled on my shirt, motioning for me to take it off. He traced the tops of my shorts with his fingers. He was starting to talk more intensely. He unbuttoned my shorts. He slid his hand into my panties. He started finger fucking me, while carrying on this conversation, as if he didn't have a care in the world. As soon as his hand was covered in my juices, he unbuttoned his pants. He was talking about quarter bags and selling dime bags to the tourists, but he was stroking himself. I was panting with need, watching him do this. I reached over to him to take over, and he smiled. Instead, he just rolled on top of me. His dick was out. My shorts were down, the only thing separating us was my underwear. I was amazed by his control.

He started to rock his hips, and he groaned in the phone. "You gotta hang up, baby, because I want to hear you cum for me," I whispered in his ear.

"Dude, I'll call you back." Was all he said, and the threw the phone down. It didn't hang up. He rocked on top of me until the friction brought his stream of cum across my hips and belly. "Damn, I'm messy. I'll be right back." he said. Next thing I heard was the water in the shower. He returned to me twenty-seven minutes later. "I gotta call Benny back. If you need to go, that's cool."

I left. When I got home, I had a letter from the college that must have come on Saturday. I was so frustrated and angry, I just ripped it open. They were inviting me there, next weekend after graduation. They wanted to be able to give us the best work study positions. I needed to be there by 1:00 pm. I had to leave here, the Saturday after graduation, by 9am. I could so do this.

Riley was sweet as heaven the next few days. We didn't see each other much. We mainly talked on the phone. I got over the sexual frustration. The graduation ceremony literally happened in a moment and before I knew it, I was leaving to spend the night with him, again.

I couldn't wait for my surprise. The apartment looked great. He had Southern Comfort and Coke for us to drink. He poured me a drink. I drank it, he just kept telling me how proud he was. He rubbed my legs while I sat on the couch. He poured me another drink as soon as the first was gone, and gave me a pill. I took it. I trusted him.

After thirty minutes, my second drink was gone. He led me to the bedroom. I knew he wanted sex. I knew that was my surprise. Hell, Renee had taught me sex was the best way to keep a man. She didn't say it - that was what she did. I was finally pretty enough for him. The room around me was vivid. I was warm. My cheeks flushed. "You are hot, baby. If you take your shirt off, you will cool down. Your breasts are so beautiful. Why do you want to cover them?"

I took my shirt off, I thought. I meant my shirt came off, I didn't know if he did it, or if I did it. My skin was electric, I could feel the movement of the air around me with every hair on my body. His shirt was off. His skin was so smooth, I licked his chest, he just laughed. I loved the way it felt. My hands were all over him. The shadows in the room were playing with my eyes. The alcohol was getting to me. He saw confusion in my eyes. He pulled my chin up to kiss him. I could taste him like never before. I wanted more, but even if I didn't I couldn't tell my body no. "Lay down. Wait here. I am going to get our drinks." He brought them in and I didn't realize I was thirsty. I just wanted to touch him, anywhere. "You feel so good." I slurred out. He smiled and said, "Just wait."

I drank my new drink, and realized he was just watching me. "I want you to take your shorts off. Please."

My body's need for touch over-ruled any notion I had, that I should be ashamed. The patterns on his comforter held my attention. They seemed to shift and move, but I must just have been having a flashback. He tugged on his button fly jeans and they opened. He was completely naked, when he stepped out of them. I just wanted to feel all of him. I could not figure out how I had drank so much, that I was like this.

"Can I touch you?" I begged him. I needed to feel the silky skin of his penis. He just shook his head with a smile. My core was starting to ache. I looked at him. He could see it. "Don't you want to touch me?" I asked him.

"Not yet. Almost, you need to finish that drink before you feel it." The desire for him to want me was so strong. I leaned over and chugged every bit of my drink while he threw his head back and laughed. "Ever dance with the devil?" He was quoting Batman. "I always ask that of all my prey." And he looked at me as if that was what, I was. "I want to make you feel good. But I am going to drive you crazy first." The bed was conforming to my body, I felt like it was made for me.

He blew on my breasts, and I felt the air tickle me. His movements were purposeful and slow. He sucked my right breast. I was running my fingers through his hair. The feel of his hair was distracting me. "You hair is so soft. It feels so good in my fingers." I told him, amazed I had never noticed before. He just laughed and moved to the other breast. While his mouth lavished one breast, his hand was rolling and pinching my other nipple. The ceiling was a lavender color. "When did you paint your ceiling?" I asked him. I could concentrate on his touch, but then I was so distracted.

"I didn't baby." I looked at him. I looked at the ceiling. "Close your eyes, you will enjoy it more." He sounded wise. "Touch me," he whispered. I saw his words behind my eyelids. I didn't move my arm, it moved itself. My fingers were wrapped around his dick. He pumped a few times. I felt him play with my panties. He was teasing me, rubbing his hand back and forth across my stomach and the top of my panties. He reached inside my underwear and played with my hair. I dropped my hand from around him. I couldn't control anything. I was focused on his touch. He dipped one finger into me. I opened my eyes. "You felt that didn't you? Just feel." He shushed me with his words. He was running his fingers up and down my slit.

"You are so wet. The wetter you are, the better." He slid his finger into me and started moving it in circles. I was crazy. I wanted more, I wanted him to cover me. He slid another finger in. I came on his hand. I felt alive, I felt loved. I panted and whispered, "Thank you."

"I'm not done yet, baby. You still haven't gotten your surprise." I couldn't respond. I was enamored with my orgasm and with him. "Spread your legs." I could not stop my legs from moving. My body had a mind of its own. He pushed them about and crawled between them. His chest was smooth. He was watching my pussy, not my eyes. He placed his dick between my folds. I wanted to stop him, because we weren't protected. I went to grab him, but he just moved my hand and I couldn't remember what I was doing. He pumped his cock between my folds, he leaned forward onto my chest. You are so wet." I thought about swimming in a pool, holding on to him. Everything was about touch.

"Lay on your side." He moved so he was laying with his chest to my back. He placed his dick between my thighs and put two fingers into me. His thumb was circling my clit. These were soft touches, that matched the words he was whispering. He kept his thumb on my clit, while sliding his dick into my folds again. He never entered me. The fireworks in my head were insane. "You need that don't you, baby?" How did he know? This wasn't the need that came with a wanting release. This was a need, that I had never felt before. A need so strong. The liquor was fucking with me hard core.

"You are so wet, and I am going to make you come. When I do- just relax, you gotta let me cum too! You gonna do that, baby? You gonna let me cum?" I just shook my head, feeling him move in my folds. "Just relax," he put his two fingers in my pussy and one in my ass. I moved my hips, as the release from one caused a sensation from the other, then he placed a second finger in my ass. "That's enough, I don't like this." I said uncomfortable.

"Ohh, but your body says otherwise. Just feel." He was right, my body was betraying me. I didn't want it, but my body couldn't stop it. It was the strangest sensation of losing control, I had ever known. I felt myself start to squeeze his fingers. He moved the other hand away from my ass, as I came on his hand in my pussy. I was cumming harder than I had ever known, when he pushed his dick in my ass. I tried to move away. He was pumping into me. "You said I could cum baby." He pushed into me with his dick and fingers at the same time. The tears were streaming out of my eyes, but somehow my body managed to orgasm again. He finished with a loud grunt.

I was out of control, because something was controlling me.

"How did you like your surprise?" He smirked.

I couldn't control my mood. I couldn't control my response. "It was unexpected." I said before I knew it was out of my mouth. "Well, you knew I wasn't going to have sex with you, so I figured this would be just as good. It's one o'clock baby. We've been at this for hours." He said, as he walked into the bathroom.

"One? Damn. We have been here for five hours? I needed some sleep. I need another drink to come down. I am wired." I couldn't understand how the time slipped by, I knew I had drank a few drinks and Riley gave me a muscle relaxer, but usually that slows everything down. "I need a shower. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Let me start the water. This should be fun." I heard the water begin, and I missed him, like an ache inside of me. I couldn't understand how bad I wanted to be touched and held. I walked into the bathroom and the tiles were playing tricks on my eyes. Riley watched me study them. "Come on, get in the shower, you will feel better."

I stepped under the water. He stepped in with me. He washed me, every inch of my body, he touched and washed. The water felt wonderful. This shower was heaven. I was absorbed by the sounds, the feel, the bubbles. This was not me numbing out to a muscle relaxer, or spacing to a pain pill, this was something else. I tried to search my brain. Damn it, his touch was distracting me. I stopped moving, as I tried to think back through the hours. No not hours, it was minutes. Riley's voice broke through my distraction. "Hey, you okay? I turned off the water. Step out, before you get cold. Not to mention you just stood there and didn't help me any."

He shoved a towel at me. It was soft and felt great against my skin. I put on my clothes. "I think I need a drink. You want something?" I asked Riley. He just nodded, while he flipped through the channels on the tv. I walked into the kitchen and saw two pills laying on the counter. This was what he gave me. I slipped one in my pocket. I needed to know what I was on. I could tell that whatever I had taken, must have peaked. I looked at the clock on the microwave that said 2:15am. Damn, we took an hour long shower. I had to drive across the state tomorrow, I needed sleep.

I handed Riley his drink. "Hey, I have to leave early in the morning, the University wants me there by 1pm to interview for the work study position. I got a letter from them."

"No problem, I got a couple of deals working. I will be so glad when I get my damn license back, stupid fucking cops," he grumbled. "You need to get some sleep. Come here."

"What did we take tonight?" I asked him.

"You, my girl, took X. I took you." He kissed the top of my head. I needed to remember what happened tonight, and I felt like it was already slipping away. The one good thing about taking a lot of pills, was you knew that you needed reminders. I had taken enough to know that with some, you wouldn't remember shit.

"I need to pee, then I am going to lay down." I grabbed my purse. I went to the bathroom and wrote, 'X and ass' on the back of my checkbook. Then I prayed with every fiber of my being. "God, help me get through this."

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><p>Abuse is not excusable nor is it justifiable. It happens too often. If you know someone or are going through it. Talk about it. It helps.<p>

Recs: Boys of Fall by Cullen Confection

Under the Boardwalk by Meg Uhbot and Robicorn

Never Enough by Graymatters Fanfiction

Gonorrhea Always Ends With a HEA by Sweet Poetic Justice

Innocence by ButterflyBetty

Let me know what you think. If you have questions about the story PM and I will answer.


	5. Chapter 5

My pool, SM's swimmers.

Special thanks to: Cullen Confection, GrayMatters Fanfiction, SweetPoeticJustice, Meg Uhbot and ButterflyBetty.

Music for this chapter: Shine by Collective Soul

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

I woke at seven. Gah. I needed more sleep. I was tired, but I needed to get dressed and be on my way by nine. I was so thankful Riley did not want to come with me. I didn't want his presence to taint the new town. I wondered if he would like it. I searched my pocketbook for a pick me up. Xanax, Vicodin, Percocet, Darvocet, what the hell, no uppers? Where the hell was that weight-loss medicine I took from Renee when it quit working for her?

Hell yeah, I loved my bottle of mixed pills. I knew what they all were, I could trust those. I noticed another pill that I didn't remember having before. I threw it in the bottle and figured I had picked it up somewhere and would look it up in "The Pill Book" at Granny's.

I got up and dressed quickly. I didn't remember going to bed. I must have drunk a shit ton. I normally didn't do that. Damn, the asshole never gave me my surprise. I grabbed all that was mine and kissed Riley goodbye.

I stopped to get a Coke and a snack before I got on the road. I bought a pack of cigarettes. If I was going to leave him, I wanted something to remember him by. I bought his brand. Damn, my ass was sore. I must have fallen while I was drunk. I saw a tape Riley left in my seat.

"The Grateful Dead? Really?" I said out loud. I threw the tape back in the seat and turned on the radio.

I arrived at the University at 12:36. Thank God I was early and had enough time to find out where I needed to be and to pee. I parked and went in search of the Administration office. I immediately found the bathroom.

The more I moved, the more I realized I was in pain. There was blood on the toilet paper. Hell, I must had fallen on something. I searched my mind for what happened. I really needed to ask Riley, because I didn't have time to figure it out now.

I followed the signs that were posted for the thirty or so of us therefore work-study positions. We walked into a room with four long tables; each table had two groups of students on one side with signs in front of them. 'Cafeteria', 'Maintenance', 'Administration', 'Chapel', 'Library', 'Public Safety', 'Alumni Relations' and 'Help Desk'- I guess these were my choices for work study. I ran through the math in my head . Eight departments, thirty kids, I guess that was about four kids per department. No way on Maintenance, Cafeteria, and Public Safety. There was a line eight kids deep for Administration and five already in line for Library. Well hell, the chick at the Help Desk looked nice enough and there was only one nerdy-looking guy over there.

I stood behind the nerd. I shuffled my feet. I had some small shakes from the pill I took earlier. I wondered if they would notice. My smokes fell out of my purse. I tried to reach for them, but bending straight down only made my ass hurt worse. Just bend fast. By the time I got the smokes and shoved them back in my purse, the nerd in front of me was gone. Really, I drove four hours for a five minute interview?

I delicately sat in the chair the girl offered me. As soon as I sat down, the girl turned and said to three guys who just walked up, "Damn, losers, it's about time you showed up!" I didn't look up.

I didn't want to make eye contact with the guys, it was just easier this way. The three guys who sat down reeked of pot. "What's your name?" the girl asked me. She seemed unfazed by the smell radiating around us.

Damn, there was no one here to introduce me. They didn't know Riley. "Bella – Bella Swan."

"Well, Bella – Bella Swan, what makes you want to work for the Help Desk?" Came the craziest Texan drawl I had ever heard.

I looked up to see who had spoken to me. And he had the best grin I had ever seen. Blond hair, all one length with waves tucked behind his ears, and he was hot. I squirmed in my seat. Being attracted to another guy was uncomfortable to me. My purse fell over when I kicked it with my foot. My smokes and my pill bottle fell out and rolled away.

"Shit." Was all I could say. All four of them broke out into laughter. A hand reached for my bottle at the same time I did. I pulled away so I wouldn't touch him. "Thanks." I mumbled.

"I just need a job for work study. And your line was short. And I have a four-hour drive back home."

"Do you have any experience with computers?" Asked a different voice. I looked to the girl, praying she would ask the next question. I looked down. "Not really, but I-I know a few things."

"You know this isn't an interview? You are just here to sign up and they want you to tour the campus and stuff. And hopefully convince you to start early." The girl said with a shrug and a smile. "You don't have to go back tonight, you can stay on campus."

"Just sign in with the Admin people and they will get you a dorm room." The girl gestured with a flick of her wrist. "I am going to go check with the Dean to see how long he wants us to stay, since we are the popular kids." She joked with air quotes to her friends.

I let out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding. And when I did, I looked up into the greenest eyes on the face of the planet. Even Riley's eyes couldn't compare. "Seriously, she is our last interview, let's go smoke," said the guy with the Texas drawl. "Come on, Bella-Bella Swan."

The four of us walked outside. "I am so glad we had a short line. Did you see Rose's face when everybody went to the Admin line?" A huge kid said.

"I did. She is probably going to bitch about it for two weeks," said Texas guy. I was not comfortable. What if Riley saw me walking with this many guys? I tried to stay back from them. Hopefully, the girl would return soon.

I pulled out my cigarettes and couldn't find my lighter for the life of me. Green-Blue eyes handed his to me. "Thanks." He just nodded.

"I'm Alice," said the girl as she walked up to us. "This is Jasper," she pointed to Texas, "Emmett," the huge dude, "and Edward," mister green eyes.

"Nice to meet you guys. Do you know where I can get a Coke, or Pepsi, or something?"

"Yeah, the Student Center is over there. We can show you," piped Alice.

The guys walked behind us. Alice asked me where I was from and other casual questions. She worked part-time at the University throughout her senior year in high school, her dad was a teacher here. She would start as a freshman with me. Once we got to the student center, I pulled out my wallet and bought a coke. I turned and asked if anybody else wanted one, and I swore they all grinned at me. So I bought four more.

We sat at a table and I passed out the drinks. When I went to hand Edward the last drink, he reached for it, but it slipped, hit the table, and spilled. I jumped, while at the same time, he raised his hands and moved back. I thought he was going to hit me and I turned to duck away. I turned back in time to see them looking at me strangely. Edward's eyes pinned me to the spot. "I'm sorry. I-I-I will get you another."

"Don't worry about it. It barely got me." I began mopping up the spilled drink. He was right, most of it was on the table.

"So Bella-Bella, what is your plan while you are in town?" asked Emmett.

"Well, I honestly thought I would be heading back this evening. But I guess I need to find out where they have me sleeping, if I am staying the night."

"If you agree to come back and work a few weeks before school starts, you can move into the dorm room early and get set up. They really need the help." Alice sounded like the line was well-rehearsed.

"Damn Alley-Cat, we are off the clock. Settle down." Emmett looked at her incredulously.

I needed to call Riley. "That's great, I just need to make a couple of calls and check in with everybody."

"Damn, I will be so glad when school starts and we don't have to check in with our parents every five minutes." Jasper said. I wished I didn't have to call Riley. Renee would understand but he wouldn't. I wondered what would happen if I didn't call.

"You can use my phone back in the room." Alice motioned toward a brick building across the yard.

"Hey, I can take her Al, if you want to check back in to make sure no one else came by." Edward finally said, more than a sentence. I stiffened.

"Yeah, that would be good. You know my code to get in the door right? Here's my key. Bella-Bella, make your calls and then come get a room assignment."

As Edward and I walked along, he was whistling. He stopped walking without notice, so I stopped because I had no clue where we were going. "Why did you jump like that when you spilled my drink?" he asked suddenly

Well, fuck if he wasn't direct. "I am j-just really clumsy and I didn't want to mess up your clothes."

"What kind of music do you listen to?" he asked me.

_Whatever Riley wanted._ "Whatever is on really," I answered less truthfully. "What were you whistling?" I asked him, trying to divert the conversation.

"Van Morrison."

The tune was familiar, but I didn't recognize the name.

He punched the code at the front of the dorm, and we went up three flights of stairs. He unlocked a door. "Here you go." I walked in and Edward pointed to the phone.

I called Renee using a calling card I picked up at a gas station. She was completely fine with me staying. I didn't know if it was because I was out of her hair or because I wasn't with Riley. Edward was thumbing through Alice's music collection. He put on a CD. I dialed Riley. I could hear the music Edward was playing. I didn't know what it was. Riley answered.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself," he said. "How is it going? How are you feeling?"

"It went well, I think I might be working with the Help Desk, you know computers and shit. They are letting us stay overnight and tour the campus and stuff. By the way, what the hell happened last night?" I heard commotion in the background and he muffled the phone.

"We can talk about it later baby, but let's just say you enjoyed it at the time though." Edward was doing his best to ignore my conversation. "Hey, you listening to The Dead? I love that song."

"I don't know Riley, I am in a dorm room, it is whatever she has playing." Edward turned and smirked at me. The lie just slipped out due to self-preservation.

"See if you can get a copy of that," Riley said.

"Sure, I will ask. I will call you tomorrow when I get back in town."

"Yeah, that's fine. " I heard more shuffling, and then a feminine giggle that made my blood run cold. "No T, you can't do that while I am on the phone with her."

"I will let you go, sounds like you have your hands full." I mumbled to him, my cheeks hot.

"Don't be like that, baby, I just got people over. You know how it gets here." Then he moaned, and I felt my cheeks get even hotter.

"I'll call you tomorrow." I said almost a whisper. I was realizing what he was doing.

"No, you call me tonight before you go to sleep. You better not be with anybody else. You know what that would do to me," Riley said, his voice threatening.

"Yeah, I'll call you back tonight and report in." I snarked, I knew better. I saw Edward's shoulders shake with laughter.

"What-the-fuck-ever! T- you gotta go. I gotta take care of this. Listen, girl, you are playing in the real world. I would hate for something to happen that you don't like. If you don't want to talk to me just because you are up there in college, I will find someone else." He yelled. Edward heard every fucking word, and he looked at me with sympathy. I couldn't hide this. Riley was already tainting this place.

I turned with my back toward Edward. "Sorry, baby, I am just tired. It has been a long day."

"Whatever. Call or don't call. I don't care what you do and you can just wonder what I am doing." He slammed the phone down. Damn cheater! Damn me! I should not ever tell people my weaknesses. They would only use it against you. A victim's worse enemy: a big fucking mouth.

I put the phone down. I sat my purse on Alice's dresser. I didn't care what Edward saw, I was never going to see him again anyway. I found my pills. STUPID CHILD PROOF CAPS! I sobbed out loud, unable to cover the sound. Edward walked over to me and just opened the bottle I had in my hands. His eyes grew wide when I dumped out the contents on the dresser, searching for the right combination to make me numb.

"What are you looking for?" he asked me quietly, non-judgmentally. I felt like he was staring right into my soul.

"I want three Vicodin. Oval, white with a line in the center-" before I could finish he shuffled the pills and handed them to me. He poured the rest back into the bottle and closed the lid. He looked at me and pulled water from the mini-fridge. He knew the pills. He knew that I knew the pills. We had a mutual respect between us. Trust was built on knowing these secrets.

"Do you think you could make me a copy of the CD you are playing?" I asked him after taking a huge gulp of water and swallowing the pills.

"Oh, yeah. I'll start it now and flip it over when we get back." He winked at me. I just blushed and bowed my head.

"Um, you got quite a collection there," Edward commented, nodding toward my pills.

"Yeah, I tend to keep whatever I find. Did you see anything you wanted?" In my world everyone does drugs. Except the outsiders, as I called them in my head. But I needed to keep them safe from this.

"I don't think I can have what I want right now. The timing isn't right. But maybe a Xanax or two could take the edge off." I busted out laughing. It was so loud. I covered my mouth with my hand, and he just chuckled at me. I handed him the pills and my water. "We better head back before they come looking."

We started our walk back. "Damn, you are a thief!" He said to me with a crooked grin.

"Huh?"

"My lighter." Oops, I stole his lighter. "I have cotton mouth and you stole my lighter. I need a smoke."

"Damn, dude, don't go all cop on me." I handed him my water first and I dug for his lighter. He wasn't used to the Xanax. I wasn't used to the cigarettes. I figured we were even. In front of us, coming our way, was the rest of his motley crew.

I threw a paranoid glance toward Edward. I could fake sober with the best of them. Ask Renee, ask school, hell, I was tripping when I scored almost perfect on the College Entrance Exam. But life was better when you didn't have to pretend that shit and you could just be. "They're cool." That's all he needed to say.

"Edward, by the time we got back they were closing shop. Bella-Bella, you are in. You can start as soon as you can. We have to put together three more computer labs before the semester starts. Then test each freaking dorm room on campus to make sure the internet is accessible." Jasper rattled on.

"I still need to get a room." I said.

"Damn, Edward, what's your poison?" Alice asked. My eyes met his, and I briefly nodded. If he was cool, I was. This was his territory. He knew the players.

"Brown Eyes here is a walking pharmacy. I think she should stay with you, Al." Edward smiled when he spoke.

"This day just keeps getting better and better." Emmett slapped his hands together. The noise made me jump slightly. I thought only Alice noticed. I would blame it on the pills.

"Hey, you guys hungry? We could order pizza, watch a movie and eat brownies for dessert." Alice asked.

We turned and headed back to Alice's dorm room. Edward was walking beside me, but not close enough to touch. Alice bounded up from behind me and threw her arm around my waist. "What do you want on your pizza?"

"Whatever is fine with me." I said, not sure, because I usually didn't have a choice.

"Bella-Bella Brown Eyes wants cat shit and frog piss on her pizza." Alice shouted. I snorted. Yep, I snorted, in front of these strangers. Every last one of them stopped walking and looked at me. Then they all doubled over with laughter. I blushed red as an apple.

We got back to the dorm and everyone was still laughing about it. I didn't even remember the last time I snorted from laughing.

Alice let us in and Edward went straight to the tape deck flipped both tapes. "Hey, Al- do you have any of those Standing on The Moon tape covers? I need to make a cover for this tape for Brown Eyes." She walked over and handed Edward a cover. He wrote on it. Jasper called and ordered pizza. Emmett turned on the TV.

"Old school Dukes of Hazard is on!" Emmett bellowed. I wanted to see what Edward was writing.

"It's the set list. How much do you know about The Dead?" he asked me, his eyes never leaving the tape cover.

"Um, not much, I just liked what I was hearing earlier." I reached in my purse and pulled out my check book and wallet. "How much do I owe you for the tape?"

"It doesn't work that way, Brown Eyes. I'm giving this to you."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you asked. It isn't about paying me. It is about you learning to love this music." He grinned toward me, and his smile and eyes were soft. His lines were beautiful and he spoke to me so gently.

Alice was busy putting sheets on the bed. Emmett was watching TV. Jasper was looking for something under Alice's bed. Edward was whistling the same song. I just turned my head to the side and tried to pick up on it.

"Got it!" Jasper said loudly. Only I turned and looked. I guessed everyone else knew what he was doing. He was holding up a huge bottle of Captain Morgan's and shot glasses.

Jasper lined up five shot glasses. "Bella-Bella, you can use Rose's until she gets here." He said to me.

I waited until they all grabbed their glass. I reached for the last one. "On the count of three. Everybody cheers to something."

Alice said, "Cheers to having short lines and meeting cool people."

Jasper said, "Here's to happy Alice." The other boys laughed.

"Here is to Daisy Duke." Emmett laughed, still watching the TV.

"Here is to not having to drive back tonight." I replied.

"Here is to the real world," said Edward. I turned my head sharply. I knew he was making a statement about the conversation earlier.

We all drank our shots and put the glasses down. Geez, I wanted a smoke. I wanted to be by myself. I didn't want them to see me. My real world was different from theirs.

"Alice, can I have a smoke in here?" I asked her.

"No, not in the room. We can go on the balcony. Somebody needs to wait for the pizza though."

Emmett volunteered, saying something about Rose coming in a few minutes anyway.

Alice led the way to a balcony at the end of the dorm. There were a few chairs, an old beat up couch, and a swing. I went to the railing. I knew they could tell I was a new smoker. They seemed so tight knit. The three of them were laughing and joking and smiling. Jasper and Edward were talking about a concert they had been to together.

Alice came up beside me. "So tell me, Bella, what brings you here from the Beach? If I lived there, I would never leave."

"I just need to get away."

"What are you getting away from?" She questioned me. It was a soft question. Not one from someone being nosy, just a question that held so much more.

"My mom. This is a good school. The acceptance rate of students leaving this school and going into law school is over 90%." The unspoken reasons swirled in my head: _Riley, friends, and family that I had pushed away._

"Just make sure, whatever you are getting away from, you don't bring here. It is one thing if it follows you, it is something else if you invite it." I looked at Alice. Was it that obvious? How in hell could she have known?

"Alice, what are you and Brown Eyes talking so seriously about over here?" Edward asked, walking over to us.

"Just talking about timing. And I think it is time to go inside and eat," she said with a smirk.

Jasper went first, reaching his hand back to Alice.

I followed Alice, and Edward put his hand on the small of my back.

"You can't do that." I whispered to him.

"I am doing nothing more than what I should. I should hold the door for you and help you in. Don't turn down help, Brown Eyes. You never know when you may really need it."

I nodded and walked down the hall.

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><p>Thanks let me know what you think!<p>

REC: A shock to the System by BilliCullen

This story and several other fantastic stories have been nominated in the Avant Garde awards. Voting starts May 22. Go show your favorite writes your appreciation. www(dot)avantgardeawards(dot)com


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Twilight, I don't on Eric Clapton. I own this plot!

Super Special Thanks to: Cullen Confection and Graymatters for ALL their quick beta work and support. And Butterfly Betty and SweetPoeticJustic for being the best prereaders even when real life gets in the way.

And to the ladies at the Lemonade Stand for recommending this a fic or the week.

Song for the chapter: Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

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><p>By the time we returned to the room, the pizza had been delivered and Emmett was already on his second piece. Rose was sitting on the floor next to him.<p>

"Bella, some dude called for you. Said he star sixty-nined your call earlier. I told him you would be right back. He still sounded pissy though." Emmett told me with a shrug.

Of course I knew who had called for me. I knew I would pay dearly because a guy answered the phone.

"Thanks, Emmett. Hey, Alice, you mind if I use your phone?" I asked her.

"You have to wait until we do this next round of shots, Brown-eyes. Might as well be relaxed when you call," Edward said to me with a wink. He and Jasper were lining the shot glasses up, but they were one short.

"You can have mine and I will take my shot while you are on the phone with pissy pants," Alice said to me with a smirk.

Alice was quickly becoming somebody I adored; it was worth being her friend just to hear her snarky comments alone.

So, I walked into the hallway with the phone. I sat down and prayed. _God, just let me get through this phone call without crying or yelling. _

I pulled out my calling card and dialed his number. It rang three times before he answered.

"Hey, Riley." I said.

"Sorry I couldn't talk earlier. I was kinda busy with some friends over. So do you think you are going to like it up there?" He asked me. He didn't sound upset.

"It is a really pretty campus. And the few people I met will be here with me and they seem cool," I told him.

"You going to stop by here when you get home?"

"Yeah, I will probably stop in and drop off that tape you wanted. I need to get a home, get a shower, and change clothes. It's about four hours. I will turn in early tonight so I am not so tired on the road. I am staying with a chick named Alice," I answered.

"Do you miss me?" He asked with a sigh.

"Of course I do." This was my canned immediate response whether I did or didn't. I didn't. For the first time in several months, I was away and I didn't miss him. I had thought about him, but now that I was I didn't miss him.

"Hey Bella-Bella, come back in, the captain is calling!" Alice whisper-yelled out the door.

"Riley, I need to go, the girl I am staying with needs to use the phone. I will call before I leave in the morning."

"You don't need to do that. Just go get some sleep and come home to me early. This is home for you, you belong here," He said.

"Bye, Riley. I will be home tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting on you." That was all he said and hung up. I was so surprised that he didn't mention talking to Emmett. I was surprised he didn't hear Alice. I couldn't remember the last time he had been this sweet to me. I started to miss him.

I tapped lightly on the door and all I heard was laughing. I turned the handle to the door. When I looked inside, I saw the five of them were sitting in a circle. "Got room for one more?" I asked, almost skipping into the room.

I sat between Alice and Rose. I was so happy that I did not have to fight with Riley. Jasper was pouring everyone another shot. "So, how far behind am I?" I asked the group as I pointed to the shot glasses.

Jasper looked up and finished pouring the third shot. "Once you shoot these, we will be even!" His southern drawl was undeniable.

Edward was sitting cross legged, and tapped the beat to the music on his knees. His eyes were closed and his head was down. He was softly moving his head back and forth. The music totally consumed him. It reminded me of Riley.

I didn't want to think of Riley. I didn't want Edward to remind me of Riley. I slammed the shots down. Everyone started clapping. Edward awoke from his musical stupor and looked straight at me. I just smiled and raised the shot glass to him.

"Now that Bella-Bella is caught up, our night can get started." Rose said. I guessed someone told her about how I stuttered during the interview.

"Are you guys playing a game?" I asked, feeling a little like an outsider. I only stuttered when I was nervous. I didn't even start stuttering until I met Riley.

"Not yet, we were just trying to figure out the best way to pass the night." Emmett said with a shoulder shrug. "You got any ideas?"

"Seriously, you are asking me? I don't know this place from Montana. I am pretty sure some brochure told me this was a dry campus, and I am pretty close to having a good buzz. So, I'm at your mercy," I said pretty flatly.

"So will all of you be here in the fall?" I asked them.

Alice spoke first. "I will be. I started my work study early, but I will be a freshman this fall."

"Are you from around here then?"

"No, I am from Florida. My parents travel a shitload, so they don't care if I am here or at home."

"How about you?" I pointed to Jasper.

"This is my second year. I just didn't want to go home this summer. I'm from Texas and I was working with the Help Desk last year. They asked me to stay on through the summer with free room and board." He smiled a lot when he spoke. It was soothing. Not creepy, but the kind of smile to put you at ease.

"So you and Alice?" I asked motioning at their clasped hands.

He smiled and she nodded her head.

Edward was sitting next to Jasper. I was going to question him next. But he interrupted me. "No way, Brown Eyes. Your turn tell us a little about you first."

"What do you want to know?" I asked hesitantly.

"Where are you from?" He asked.

"Ummm, I live on the coast. You know everybody loves the beach!" I tried to joke a little. I didn't know why I was so tense. It shouldn't be hard to talk about myself. I had never had trouble doing it before.

Edward leaned forward. He came towards me rather quickly, and I jerked backward. I knew he wasn't going to hit me. But fuck my life if my body wasn't trained to avoid the blows. "Whoa, I was just getting your shot glass. You looked like you could use another shot."

Every time I jerked away from him, there was an awkward silence. This had just become ingrained in me. I never even noticed this happening to me. I took the shot and raised my glass to them. If I let them in, they would know everything. I couldn't do this right now. I needed to wait just a little longer. I felt myself closing down.

"Hey, Bella – you need a smoke break? We can go back out to the balcony." Alice and Rose asked me. They were already standing. I nodded and asked where the bathroom was. I grabbed my purse.

What was it about drinking that if you didn't think about peeing, you didn't need to, but once you thought about it, your bladder was about to burst? I walked into the community bathroom and noticed I was still very sore. As I was fishing in my "pharmacy", as Edward had called it, I smiled thinking about him saying that. I put the bottle away.

I dried my hands, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Edward was standing there. His back was to me. I looked and saw Rose and Alice walking back down the hallway and into Alice's room. Edward had a guitar case in his hands. My heart skipped a beat.

He heard me and turned around. "Care to join me?" He held up his smokes and motioned with his arm toward the balcony door. I walked ahead of him.

"I made you another tape." He said to me with a smile.

"Yeah? I appreciate it. I don't know music like you do. Just what's on the radio," I said to him with a shrug.

"There is a lot more to the 'real world' than what you are used to," he replied using air quotes. I expected his words to sound sarcastic, but they weren't. He meant it. Something in his eyes told me he wasn't trying to talk down to me.

"So will you be a freshman, like Alice?" I asked him, trying to cut through the emotional tension I was feeling.

"No, yes…kinda. I did my freshman year at USC, but not all of my credits transfered. So technically, I am halfway through my freshman year." He said all this with a cigarette dangling from his lips while he tuned his guitar. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Riley played the guitar. He loved his guitar. I had never seen Riley mistreat his guitar. He pawned it one time, but I bought it back for him.

Edward strummed a few chords. He laid the guitar back in his case. "You know the name of the song that was playing when your friend heard the music?" He asked me. I was sure he already knew the answer, but he wasn't talking to me like I was stupid.

"No, not a clue," I responded. Neither of us broke eye contact. He licked his lips and swallowed hard. I looked out into the night sky. The air was cool, not hot and clammy. The stars were shining bright. A large oak tree looked majestic against the buildings. I wanted to look anywhere but at him. I looked over to the mountain in the distance.

"Do you ever go hiking in the mountains?" I asked him, without looking at him.

"All the time. I love to hike and camp in the woods, it is so relaxing. You don't have to worry about anything for the most part." I snuck a glance over at him. He was leaning on the balcony railing. He took another drag off his cigarette. "You don't smoke much do you?" He asked me. He had noticed that this entire time, I had not bothered to light a cigarette.

"No, not really." We both chuckled. "I am working on it." I reached for his and brought it to my lips. "Damn, you are such a thief, Brown Eyes," He said with his head down, reaching for another cigarette.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" He asked, staring at me.

I looked away, remembering that Riley was home waiting for me. "I am not sure. Probably, soon after I wake up. Do you live on campus?"

"Not yet. After the disaster that was last semester, I moved back home. I live about twenty minutes from here. I will be on campus in the fall." He wasn't going to tell me about the disaster.

A slight wind blew through and my hair swirled around my head. He reached up, and I winced. He held his hand up, like he was surrendering. Riley would hurt me if he knew I was out here. This wasn't right. And as if on cue, Alice and Jasper came around the corner. Jasper was carrying a bongo.

Alice walked onto the balcony and twirled. "Hey, my sista," she said to me.

Jasper looked to Edward and said, "You ready to play?"

I turned to face Jasper and leaned with my back on the railing. Edward picked up his guitar and adjusted the strap.

Edward played a few notes. I recognized it as he started to sing.

Would you know my name  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>Will it be the same  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>I must be strong, and carry on  
>Cause I know I don't belong<br>Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>Would you help me stand  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>I'll find my way, through night and day  
>Cause I know I just can't stay<br>Here in heaven

Time can bring you down  
>Time can bend your knee<br>Time can break your heart  
>Have you begging please<br>Begging please

Beyond the door  
>There's peace I'm sure.<br>And I know there'll be no more...  
>Tears in heaven<p>

Would you know my name  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>Will it be the same  
>If I saw you in heaven<br>I must be strong, and carry on  
>Cause I know I don't belong<br>Here in heaven

Edward mostly focused on his guitar. But as he strummed the last chord, he looked up at me. I had chills.

I didn't realize Jasper had put his bongo down and was swaying with Alice over to the side of the balcony.

I tried to etch the peaceful ambiance of that moment in my brain. I had never felt such contentment. I closed my eyes, soaking it all in. When I opened them, Edward was staring at me. I smiled at him and ducked down with a blush. I felt like he was singing to me, for me. Then it turned to doubt. I heard Riley in my head telling me how fat and clumsy I was. Nothing this beautiful could be meant for me.

"Come back to us, Brown Eyes." Edward said. It was almost like he knew what I was thinking and what I was feeling. I looked at him.

Jasper walked over to Edward and handed him a bowl packed full of weed. Edward brought the bowl to his lips and lit the other end as he inhaled and then he passed it to me.

"I have never smoked weed before," I said and Alice giggled. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"You want me to do to shotgun for you?" Edward asked me.

I had no clue what he meant. "Edward, I don't know what you are talking about," I told him honestly. Sometimes, it is so much easier just to admit that you don't know about drugs, because people can always tell when you try to fake it.

"Just open your mouth and inhale when I blow into it." He told me matter-of-factly.

I watched him inhale and tried to do what he told me. He came toward me, he was so close, so close. His lips were so close to mine. He closed his eyes. Alice and Jasper were quiet as church mice. I couldn't do this. This was too close. This was too intimate.

"Stop." I whispered. Edward looked up at me and stopped and leaned back. He didnt force me, he just blew out his smoke. What a tension breaker. Tears filled my eyes. I didn't want him to be angry with me. I couldn't be that close to him. Riley would never understand. No matter how much Riley did to me, I couldn't do this. I could hear Edward still coughing in the background.

"Here, let me." Said Alice. She did the same thing. She came close to my lips almost touching, and blew as I breathed in the smoke. My lungs burned. I tried to be a trooper and hold it in, like they had done. I couldn't. I began a coughing fit to rival Edward's. The three friends were laughing at me.

We had formed a trust between us. No matter the bad things people said about pot or pills, when you shared, you knew in that moment that you trusted these people with your life.

The bowl came around one more time. Alice and I repeated the same sequence. I heard Jasper whisper to Edward, "Damn, that's hot." And I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore, which resulted in another coughing spell.

Once we settled down, I asked where Rose and Emmett went. Jasper told us they went for a walk. Then Jasper said, "Top five driving songs," he pointed to Edward and said, "Go."

"Good God, Jasper." Edward muttered. It sounded like he had done this before. "Give me a minute. Led Zeppelin is on there, Hendrix and-"

"I said songs, not bands." Jasper whisper-yelled.

"Can we continue this inside?" Alice asked them.

We were all very slow to get up, and I was about to hurt someone for a drink. My teeth were sticking to my lips, and my tongue to the roof of my mouth. And I finally understood what the term cotton-mouth meant.

We were in the room about three seconds when the phone rang. I knew it was Riley. I just knew it.

"Hey, Alice. If it's for me could you tell them I am in the bathroom?"

"You got it. I can just let the machine get it if you want."

"No, that would be worse."

"Hello." She answered the phone.

"Your girl. Does your girl have a name?" was the next thing Alice said. I assumed Riley just asked for 'his girl'.

"Bella just stepped down the hall to get ready for bed. Can I take a message?"Alice paused for a minute. I assumed Riley was speaking. "Ok, I got it. She will call when she gets back." She hung up.

"Hey, Edward, you can't drive tonight, are you staying with Jasper?" Alice asked Edward, who was standing behind me.

"Yeah, I will call and give my parents a head's up in a few minutes," Edward nodded agreeably.

"Bella, you can call him back whenever you want. He just wanted me to tell you that he could always call T if you wanted him to," Alice said while giving me a pointed look.

"UGH!" I shouted. I couldn't win. I could not win. My outburst surprised everyone. "I'm sorry, guys. I guess I am a little high or something right now. "I better call him. It's my boyfriend back home," I said trying to avoid Edward's eyes." I didn't want to have to say those words out loud. It was like Riley was there and wanted everyone to know about him.

I picked up the phone and called him, as I stepped into the hallway.

I was mad. I was embarrassed. As soon as he answered, I said, "Damn, Riley, I just had to pee. You don't need to threaten to cheat on me."

"I know you are fucking around on me. Last time I called, a dude answered and said you were on the balcony with Edward, Alice and Jasper." He must have called and talked with Emmett before he and Rose stepped out.

"I was Riley, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Fuck, it doesn't. You need to come home."

"I will tomorrow."

"You need to leave tonight." He couldn't get to me. I was right. If I was here, he could only threaten me. This could work. He continued, "Did you make sure Granny's medicine was right before you left?"

I clenched my chest. "Riley, I can't leave tonight. But I promise I will be there tomorrow. As soon as I can. I have only thought of you the whole time I have been here. I can't wait to see you again." The tears were streaming down my face. He had called me three times in less than six hours. He owned me.

We said our goodbyes. I walked back into the room. Jasper and Edward were leaving to head back to Jasper's dorm.

"We'll meet you guys at nine for breakfast tomorrow." Jasper was telling Alice.

"This is for you. Have a good night, Brown Eyes." Edward handed me two tapes.

They left. I knew Alice wanted to talk, but I feigned sleepiness. Surprisingly, I slept hard. I knew it was because I was safe tonight. I would worry about tomorrow in the morning.

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><p>This story has been nominated as a fic of the week at The Lemonade Stand. Please go show your favorite stories some love at: www(dot)tehlemonadestand(dot)blogspot(dot)com<p>

Also this story has been nominated as a "Must Read" in the Avant Garde awards. Voting starts May 22. www(dot)avantgardeawards(dot)com

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	7. Chapter 7

SM owns Twilight, Jerry owns the lyrics, I made up this world.

Special thanks to Cullen Confection and Graymatters because I can barely tell a semicolon from a comma. Special thanks to SweetpoeticJustic and ButterflyBetty Cullen for such strong and encouraging words.

I have tried to respond to each review, some of you may have gotten it twice. I apologize ff is having issues with review replies.

Congratulations readers we are one of four fics of the week at The Lemonade Stand.

Song for the chapter: What's Up by Four Non-Blondes

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

The room was pretty dark when I woke up. I looked toward Alice; I could just barely make out her alarm clock, to find it was only 5:03 am. _Why was I awake this early?_ I thought to myself. Gah, it was a long drive and I was not ready to leave yet, but I really needed to get home. I wondered what Riley was doing. Then I wondered what Edward was doing and that made me smile and snuggle back into my blanket.

The next time I woke, it was 8:30 and Alice was awake. Geez, didn't she know we were teenagers and were supposed to sleep in?. "Bella, if you want a shower, you can use my stuff. We need to be at the dining hall by nine."

Alice looked through her tapes, and put one into her stereo. The music filled the room. I jumped up and grabbed a quick shower, putting on the same clothes from yesterday. I returned to the room about 8:50.

"You ready?" she asked me.

"Yeah. Thanks a lot for letting me stay in your room. It was nice to sleep so well. How much do I owe you?" I asked her.

"Bella," she stopped walking and turned to me. "I am not taking your money. It isn't like that. If you need something and I have it, I am not going to charge you for it. That's what friends do." She put her arm through mine. "Bella, you know I know. And I only know because I have been there. And if you need to talk I am here for you. "

"I don't know what you are talking about," I played dumb as I pulled my arm from hers.

"You do and you know you do. You just aren't ready yet. God, just please know I am here for you any time, day or night. You have my number." Her eyes were searching mine for something.

"Thanks," was all I said. I was not doing so well at covering things up. I thought I was being strong, but first Angela and now Alice. I knew people were starting to see through my facade. I just needed to be stronger.

We reached the dining hall. Jasper and Edward were there waiting on us. We filled our plates and sat with them. Jasper and Alice exchanged a small kiss. Edward looked like he had been run over by a truck.

"What the hell, did you guys party or something after you left?" I joked to Edward.

He just smirked and lifted an eyebrow. Jasper snorted. It seemed like there was something that happened, but they weren't telling me. "What time are you leaving?" Edward asked me.

"As soon as we finish here," I said.

"That's cool. You think you might come back? I mean early for the work study, we really need the help," he said, but didn't look at me, only at his plate.

"Well, I have a summer job and some stuff I have to wrap up before I can come back but, I think I could come a few weeks early," I said while shuffling the food on my plate. The less I ate, the less I would weigh, and hopefully, then Riley would sleep with me before I left. I wondered if Edward would have sex with me, but I was probably too fat for him, too. I shook my head to quiet my inner monologue.

"Hey, don't forget those tapes I made for you. Give me your address, I have a few more I think you would like. I can send them to you." He still wasn't looking at me.

I pulled my checkbook out of my pocketbook. I noticed the chicken scratch on the back. Damn, my handwriting was terrible. I tore my address off a deposit slip, I never used all of those anyway. I gave the paper to him. I flipped the checkbook over and tried to decipher what I had written. I stared at the letters uncomprehendingly. I turned the checkbook upside-down to see if that would help.

"Bella-Bella, do you write 'ass' on all your checkbooks?" Jasper asked me trying to be polite while stifling a laugh.

"No way, I just knew you would be looking at this one." I snarked to him and covered my mouth, waiting for someone to lash out at me, but it never came.

"Nice one." Edward said to me and raised his hand for a high five. I just beamed at him, but at that moment, the memory of what 'ass' and the 'X' on my checkbook meant came flooding back to me. My smile faded replaced by a bright red blush and I'm sure what was a look of pure horror, right in front of him. Edward watched me as it happened. He would never want me now. I was overcome with mortification. I needed to collect myself. I closed my eyes. I took a huge breath through my nose. _Please God, please just please help me._

"I really need to head home guys," I said, as I looked to each one of them. I didn't ask Edward for his information. "I had a great time. I will see what I can do about getting up here again before school starts." I could feel the awkwardness creeping in. I needed to be by myself, but I didn't want to leave.

"We'll walk you to your car," Alice offered. We all walked together. I knew I would see them again. I wanted to see them again. And I _needed_ to see Edward again.

"Brown Eyes, I am going to call you. Your phone number is on here." He reached forward to tuck my hair behind my ear. For the first time I could remember, I didn't flinch when someone reached out to touch me. Edward noticed it too, and offered me the half grin that made my heart beat a little faster.

"Bye, guys." Alice hugged me. They stood together and waved as I drove away.

As soon as they were out of sight I started to cry. I had to stop at the first rest area. I pulled in and looked at the tapes he gave me. The Grateful Dead, the one Riley had asked for, and Van Morrison. The covers to the tapes were decorated by hand, and I saw Edward's graceful script. I put the Van Morrison tape in and listened. The third song came on and it reminded me of the beach. It was also the tune he was whistling. It was my nickname – Brown Eyed Girl. My heart thumped, just like the song said.

I rewound the tape three times committing those words to memory. I still had over three hours of time to drive and think. I was certain Riley cheated on me. Memories of Renee flashed through my mind. I watched as she became a shell of a person because of a cheater. I had no proof that Riley cheated. I was just tired of always being scared of him cheating. I was just tired of always being scared that he would hit me. I was just tired of not being able to be me and say what a felt. I was just plain tired of everything.

I lit a cigarette and thought about how I felt with Alice. Damn, that girl was snarky and I loved it. I didn't know much about Rose and Emmett, but I felt good with Jasper and Alice. Then I wondered what Edward was doing. I wondered if they all wanted to come to Granny's to spend a weekend at the beach. Then I wondered how I could get away with that. I couldn't leave Riley, not until I knew I wasn't coming back. I wondered what Riley was doing. I should call him and let him know I was on my way back home to him. Or maybe I should just surprise him, grab lunch and show up at the apartment. I could give him his tape.

First, I needed to check on Granny and check in with Renee. As I drove the miles closer to home, I could feel the pull. Sometimes it just felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

But when I stepped into Riley's world, I didn't have those expectations. Riley's world was new to me, and exciting. I didn't have to worry about taking care of Renee or Granny or Honors courses or yearbook or anything but Riley. I loved knowing that I pleased him. I loved knowing that he wanted me to be there for him. I loved that he trusted me and so few other people. I loved that I knew how to take care of him. I didn't love him, I knew that, and I certainly knew I wasn't going to marry him. I just needed him to not retaliate on anyone I knew and loved when I left him.

Growing apart was not an option. He would never let me be the one to leave either. It needed to be his choice. He couldn't know about Edward, because he would never believe that I didn't cheat on him. I couldn't cheat on him. I knew that was not the right way to do this. He deserved for me to cheat on him, but I couldn't do that. I wanted to get away. I wanted to not want to go to him.

I smoked another cigarette. He was a bastard. He would hurt me if I didn't go to him. I was growing angry. I remembered the checkbook. I hit my steering wheel with the palm of my hand. He knew I was not ready for that. Tears were streaming down my face for the second time this trip. For the second guy.

I drove straight to Renee's. She wasn't home. She never was. I wrote a note and called her boy de-jour's house. She was there and we talked. I told her I was going to Granny's. I hated spending time by myself. Sometimes a victim's worst enemy was time to think, but sometimes it was her best friend. I drove to Granny's. She was always happy to see me. I told her about school, about Alice and Edward. I took her to the grocery store.

Benny was at the store buying beer and a few other things. Benny motioned for me to come over to him. I told Granny that I would be right back. I walked over to him. He was checking out. He held up a finger telling me to wait a minute. I walked back out of the store, slightly behind him. He turned the corner at the edge of the building.

"You are Riley's girl, right?" he asked me.

I nodded. He didn't care about my name. "I got a message you need to give to Riley." I stared up at him. His size was not impressive, but the deadness in his eyes scared me. I could feel my nerves taking over. I saw his fist flex. I prayed he wasn't going to take his anger out on me. He leaned toward me, and I took a step back into the brick wall of the building. He had me trapped. He lifted my chin with his hand forcing me to look into his dead eyes. He licked his dry chapped lips. I knew he was going to force a kiss on me.

He started to squeeze my cheeks. I wondered where the hell the people were. This was a store. Somebody should see me. I grabbed his wrist and tried to pull his hand away. He lifted a finger to his lips.

"Shhhh. Be quiet. You have no idea what I can do to you. You are a little girl trying to play in a big boys' world. Give me your purse."

I handed it to him. He let go of my face and I started to run. He grabbed my hair before I could get two steps away from him. I gasped. He dropped my purse and put a hand over my mouth. "Damn. Riley never said how feisty you were. I like it when you whores have some fight in you."

I wanted to bite him or kick him. At that moment, my savior walked around the corner.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Riley yelled, like an uncaged beast. Benny let go of me. I was the pawn, my job was over. He pushed me toward Riley. Riley never took his eyes off Benny. He didn't ask if I was okay. I could see his chest rising and falling. He was mad. I picked up my purse and its contents. Riley and Benny both knew not to get in a fight in public. Whatever message Benny had, it had been sent. They were yelling. I didn't know if I should stay or go. But I remembered the one thing that needed me the most at the moment. Granny.

I ran back into the store. Granny didn't have a clue about what had just happened to me. She was still piling things into her cart. I wondered if Riley would try to find me. Granny and I were almost done shopping when Riley walked into the store. Granny saw him just after I did. "Still tick season I see," she commented, referring to our earlier conversation.

"Granny, he has had some bad news. I will be right back to load the groceries in the car," I told her as I walked to him.

"You okay?" I asked him.

"No, no, no, baby, are you okay?" he asked me, pulling me into the parking lot.

"I am good. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see you. I can't thank you enough." He was staring in my eyes.

"I can't believe Benny would pull a stunt like that. He knows better. God, I would be so upset if anything ever happened to you." He kissed my forehead. "I am so sorry. He fucking knows what is off limits. He crossed a line." He continued kissing me, moving to my neck and chin. "When did you get back in town? I thought I would be your first stop."

"Riley, I thought if I went by Granny's first we would have more time together. Why were you here?" I took a small step back from him just to see his beautiful eyes.

"I just needed some smokes. I can't believe the nerve of that fucker. Did you get all your shit up from the ground?"

"Yeah, I did. I need to get Granny to the car and home. I have something for you," I smiled up at him.

"For me? Aww, baby, you didn't need to do that. Go take care of Granny. Call me when you can." He kissed the top of my head again and we walked into the store together.

Granny had made her way to the car. I helped her in. I was going to win granddaughter of the year, making her shop and pay for the groceries without any help. I loaded each bag into the car. I got in and Granny looked over at me. "You are in deep aren't you, little one?" she asked me in a sad voice.

"Granny, it is larger than I ever knew." I assumed we were both talking about Riley. I was scared. Benny had a look I had never seen before. "Riley isn't as bad as he seems. You know he has just had a hard time."

With the wisdom of her age shining in her eyes, she looked to me and said, "We all have troubles. We all have hard times. But he is a man who has no job, no car, and he is taking advantage of a girl in high school. What was the last thing that he did for you?"

This was not the time to say less than ten minutes ago, he saved my life. Riley had reasons for not having a job, not having a car, and being with me. I was becoming angry with Granny. Did she want Benny to hurt me? Riley just needed someone to show him compassion. The moments when I was the most vulnerable with him, he was the best with me.

"Granny, I know you and Renee and the rest of the world don't like Riley. I know that. But it isn't as easy as walking away. You wouldn't understand." I told her. We arrived at her house. I unpacked the groceries and put all the food away.

I grabbed my purse to head out, I looked into it to make sure I had everything and there was the checkbook again with its message. Damn, Riley. Standing in the kitchen with my hand on my purse, I froze as I thought back. It was my fault. It was all my fault. He knew how many pills I took. He was there for me. He stayed with me the whole night. He probably thought this was fine. I had never said no to him sexually. Gah. All I did was lead him to believe that this was what I wanted. I couldn't blame him for this. The realization that I was to blame washed over me in waves. What was I supposed to do?

I turned toward my bedroom. I just wanted to think. The phone rang. I knew it was Riley. Granny answered. I knew she was going to give me hell about him calling so soon after me getting home. I didn't want to talk to him, I was such a fool.

Granny was calling my name. I guess I responded to her on the fourth of fifth time. "There is a boy on the phone for you?" she said to me with bright eyes, a look I didn't expect.

"Is it Riley?" I asked. The guilt was consuming me. Earlier today, I had hated him. I considered him sick and a rapist. Now, he had saved my life and I realized I had been playing mind games with him.

"He says Renee gave him the number."

I walked toward the phone. I prayed it wasn't Benny. I really wasn't that hard to track down. He would know how to find me. I took the cordless phone from her and took a deep breath. "Hello?"

"Hey there, Brown Eyes."

It was Edward. I sighed in relief. Thank God it wasn't Benny. And again the guilt hit me like a steam roller. I had led Edward on, too. I wasn't worthy of either of these guys.

"Hey Edward," I replied to him.

"I was just checking to see if you made it in. Did you get a chance to listen to the tape I made you?" He sounded so earnest when he spoke to me. His voice was so soft and rich. Riley's voice was clipped, hard and direct. I didn't answer him, stuck in my own little world comparing the two of them, when I had no right to. I should not be thinking about Edward like this. I was with Riley. But the weekend was so much easier with Edward. And now there was more guilt.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Edward called my name and it sounded remarkable.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I was distracted," I told him honestly. "What did you say?"

He chuckled softly, almost like he knew the effect he was having on me. He asked me again about the tapes.

"Y-Yeah, I listed to the o-one by Van Morrison." I didn't mention the Brown Eyed girl song for fear I had drawn the wrong conclusion.

"Did you listen to the other one?" He asked sounding hopeful.

"No, I didn't. I-I did a lot of thinking on the way home. Trying to sort some things out, y- you know?" I asked him, not expecting an answer.

"We have an emergency call from Mr. Riley Biers, will you release the line?" The operator crackled through, interrupting our call.

"Damn," I heard Edward mutter.

"We will," I replied to the operator, knowing Riley could hear us. The operator disconnected.

"I gotta go," I said to Edward.

"Bella, I am going to call you back tonight. What time?"

"I don't know. But I gotta go. I can't keep him waiting. You don't understand," I explained urgently.

"11:00?" He pressed on.

"Yeah, that's fine. I really gotta go."

"Brown-Eyes, take care of yourself," he said to me, sounding resigned.

"Bye, Edward thanks for the call." I hung up. I didn't even wait for his response. I dialed Riley. I waited for him to answer. I knew it wasn't an emergency because he did this to me all the time, but I didn't want to push his buttons either.

"Hello?" Riley answered

"Hey," I simply said. God, the feelings in me were insane. Just talking to Edward made me feel like I was cheating on Riley.

"You gonna try and come over?"

"I don't know, Riley, I am tired; it has been a hell of a day. You think we could just talk on the phone and I could see you tomorrow?" I asked him hopefully.

"What the hell? Next time, I will let Benny do whatever to you. Stupid bitch, wasting my time. You think after saving your life you would be more grateful," he retorted.

He was right, I owed it to him. Why didn't I put his needs first? "Let me talk to Granny. "

"Just leave, that old bitty has no control over you. You're eighteen, it's not like she can stop you. Just get the fuck in your car and get over here."

"All right, Riley, I know. Let me go." My answers to him were short and clipped. For all the guilt I was feeling, I was tired of placating him. I hung up the phone.

"Granny, you know I gotta go. I will be back by 11. If I get a call, will you get his number?" I said to her with a soft smile.

I walked out. I hated it. I drove the very short distance to Riley's apartment. I grabbed the tape Edward had made. I knocked and waited. He came to the door. He was my hero just a few hours ago. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back. We walked into the apartment together.

I dropped my purse at the door. I sat on the couch. I felt like a visitor. I felt like I was hiding something from him.

"Oh, yeah. Riley, here is the tape you were asking me about." I reached in my purse and handed it to him.

"Sweet," he said as he placed the tape into the stereo. "So tell me all about your trip," he said to me while looking at the tape cover.

"It was nice. The drive was-"

"Who made this cover? This artwork is so intricate," he interrupted me to ask.

"One of the kids I met there. I believe they called it the 'Standing on the Moon' cover," I told him, trying my best not to mention Edward's name. We listened to the music. I remembered Edward specifically asking for that cover. I strained to listen for the song when it came on. I listened through the verses, the words gripped me. The final verse of the song held me:

Standing on the moon  
>Where talk is cheap and vision true<br>Standing on the moon  
>But I would rather be with you<br>Somewhere in San Francisco  
>On a back porch in July<br>Just looking up to heaven  
>At this crescent in the sky<p>

Standing on the moon  
>With nothing left to do<br>A lovely view of heaven  
>But I'd rather be with you - be with you<p>

_Could Edward really want to be with me?_

"Their music is something isn't it?" Riley said to me, startling me and bringing me back to the present. Damn it, I should _not_ be thinking about Edward! Riley was way too observant and would somehow know all my attention wasn't on him.

"Yeah. I just got caught up in the lyrics," I said with a slight nod to Riley. "I just wanna say thanks for coming to my rescue today. I am so glad you came by when you did," I told him slowly snapping out of my thoughts.

"There isn't anything I would do to keep you with me," he said, the words I was afraid to hear.

"Hey, Riley, I am really tired. I need to head home. I will give you a call after Granny goes to bed."

"Sure. I understand that is a long drive. Call me later."

I turned to leave. He pulled me back and kissed me. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't want to kiss Riley, because wow, that boy could kiss. He kissed me until I couldn't think of anything else expect how good he was. He pressed his body into mine. He reminded me how good he could make me feel. He reminded me that I was his.

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><p>If you want some GREAT stories please look to:<p>

Boys of Fall by Cullen Confection

Never Enough by Graymatters

Away from the Sun by ButterflyBetty

Elementary Education by SweetPoeticJustic

Also, please vote at the Avant Garde Awards. This story has been nominated in the Must Read Category.

Please review and let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

SM owns Twilight, I own a sore throat!

Special thanks to my betas: Cullen Confection and Graymatters Fanfiction.

Special thanks to my prereaders: SweetPoetic Justice and ButterflyBetty Cullen.

ALL of these lovely ladies have stories on fanfiction, please look them up and read their works. As writers and as friends, they take my breath away.

I am fail a review replies for the last chapter, but I understand ff has fixed the reply feature so I promise I will get to them, your reviews mean the world to me. I will try to get back to posting twice a week soon; RL has been hectic.

The song for this chapter is: Back to Good by Matchbox Twenty

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><p>Chapter 8<p>

Riley kissed me until I was dizzy. I could feel something different in this kiss. Almost desperation. Or maybe it was something different in me. I left him standing at his doorway and walked straight to my car. I didn't look back. I got in the car and left, playing my Van Morrison tape.

I pulled into Granny's at 10:58. I prayed Edward had not called yet. I shouldn't think this way.

I heard the phone ringing as I walked up the steps and then I heard Granny talking to the caller. She smiled at me when I walked in. "It's that Edmund boy calling for you, again," she whispered loudly with a wink to me. I couldn't tell if Granny liked 'Edmund' or just hated Riley.

I skipped to my bedroom. Was it wrong to feel this happy over a phone call? Riley would kill me.

"Hello?" I said, and I knew he could hear the smile in my voice.

"Hey there, Brown Eyes," Edward answered. His voice was so soft and smooth it almost hurt my ears with its tenderness. Or maybe his voice was normal and I was too accustomed to harshness. "How was your night? Did you get everything taken care of?" he asked me.

"Yeah. Look, I know need to tell you about Riley," I said to him just above a whisper. I still did not want to taint Edward with Riley. _God, please don't let Riley call while we are on the phone_, I prayed.

"You don't have to, you know. I just like talking to you," Edward said to me. I could hear music in the background playing softly. I could not tell whom he was listening to. We were both silent for a minute.

I decided there was no time like the present, so I started, "I have been dating Riley almost nine months. He likes the Grateful Dead. He is the one that wanted that tape you made. But I wasn't using you to get the tape," I hurried to explain. I was terrified he would hang up on me now.

"Bella, I don't care who the tape was for. The Dead really is all about spreading the music. You could give the tape to the bum on the corner and I would be fine with it. I knew it was for the jerk you were on the phone with."

"You don't know him, Edward. He isn't that bad." I was defending him. "You don't know what he has done for me." I was honoring him. "I can't keep leading him on like this." I was protecting him.

"Brown Eyes, calm down. I don't want to fight with you. I didn't mean to rile you up. I just want you to know that …never mind. I am going about this all wrong and I know that," he mumbled.

"Edward, thanks for calling me. It means a lot to me." I didn't know if Edward knew how true that sentence was.

"You got it. Can I call tomorrow?" he asked.

"Sure. I better go, now," I replied.

We hung up and shortly after, I went to sleep. I had not taken a pill in over 24 hours.

Monday passed, and again I left Riley to come home to a smiling Granny who was talking to 'Edmund'. This time, Alice hijacked our phone call for a little while. I could tell they were all hanging out together. I missed them. Strange how I only knew them for just a short time, but I missed them so much. In the middle of the conversation, the background became notably quieter. I assumed Edward walked away from the group. "How are you?" he asked me. It sounded like he cared when he asked.

"I am doing well. I start my summer job next week at the water park. So I guess this is a lazy week for me." Edward was very quiet after my response.

"You know we have been so busy up here. They really need the extra help. We have been working eight-hour days, brutal stuff, but the pay is good. Have you thought anymore about when you could come up?"

Before I could answer, the operator came on the line. "We have an emergency break in from Mr. Riley Biers will you release the line?"

"Yes, ma'am." I replied instinctively. We both paused waiting for the operator and Riley to disconnect.

"I gotta go."

"You always do," Edward said sadly. "Just be safe," he whispered.

We hung up and I called Riley.

"Hey, baby," I said without even thinking about the words coming out of my mouth.

His response was fast, and his voice furious. "Listen, I don't know what the fuck you have going on, but why the fuck is your line always fucking busy after you leave my house?" he demanded.

"Geez, Riley, do you know any other word besides fuck?" I snarked back to him. I realized I should not have said that as soon as I it came out. It was wonderful to have new friends, but I had let my guard down too much.

"What, you think you are so smart all of a sudden because you are going to college?" he asked, yelling into the phone. The thought occurred to me that he might try to stop me. A victim's worst nightmare was the moment she thought she might be helpless. He was yelling so many things. I started praying. _Dear God, please don't let him do this. I need to get out. I will do whatever it takes, but I have to get away from him._

"WHAT THE FUCK? NOW YOU ARE IGNORING ME, YOU STUPID GOOD FOR NOTHING FAT WASTE OF SPACE?" he roared into the phone. He must have asked me something while I was praying.

"N-n-no, Riley. I'm s-s-sorry."

"Nobody else is going to want your sorry, used-up fat ass. So you go up there with your rich college friends and you hand out your pills, but once Granny isn't around anymore for you to take them from, they will drop you like the stupid, useless cunt you are."

His words hurt, but I knew I deserved them. I was practically cheating on Riley by talking with Edward. I would be so upset if Riley did the same thing. I deserved this punishment. I was fat and I had allowed Riley to use me. I had stolen pills from Granny; I was no fucking better than he was. I didn't deserve new friends, certainly not friends as wonderful as Alice and Edward.

"R-r-riley, I just l-l-ost my focus." I reached for a Xanax. It would help with the stuttering. "N-nothing in the world feels b-better than when I am with you." My hands shook.

"There was a n-noise in the other room and I just turned and missed wh-what you were saying." I tried to explain why I didn't hear him. "P-Please calm down." I had not stuttered this bad in a while. I needed the Xanax to kick in before I had a panic attack. There was no way I could calm myself down.

There was no response from Riley. I held on and repeated his name several times. I could hear nothing but the line never disconnected. I held on for thirty-seven minutes until there was a knock on my window. I knew it was him. Damn. At least the Xanax had kicked in, and Granny was asleep.

I slid the window open. The salt air filled the room. Riley smiled at me. I knew that smile and I hated that smile. It made me think of Edward's last words to me - 'be safe'. Even though I shouldn't be thinking about him right now, I felt about as far from safe as possible.

Riley saw the phone was off the hook. "You waited all this time for me?" he asked. "You really are pretty stupid." He put his hand in my hair. He clenched his fist which pulled my hair. He walked toward me which forced me to walk backward until we reached the wall. "Your smart mouth just keeps getting you in trouble doesn't it?" He released my hair so that my head was flat against the wall. He grabbed my cheeks and squeezed them between his thumb and fingers pressing against my teeth and making my lips pucker. "How is that mouth working for you now, cunt?" He pulled my face forward and then shoved my head back into the wall so firmly I saw a flash of white before my eyes. He released my cheeks. He placed his forearm against my chest.

"If you wake up Granny, I will kill her and you will watch, do you understand?" Riley growled menacingly. I knew he meant every word.

I just nodded my head. I did not know what his plan was. I knew Granny could sleep through the telephone ringing. I knew it was off the hook. I knew I needed to diffuse the situation.

"Riley, can I get you a drink or something?" I asked soothingly, using my calmest voice.

"Yeah, bitch. I wanna Coke and some of those pills." I left my room. The kitchen was dark. I tripped over the chair but managed to stay upright, and finally made it to the fridge. I grabbed a can of Coke. I listened for Granny's snoring and made my way back into the bedroom. God, I hated this room, especially with Riley in it.

I opened the drink. I handed it to him. I reached for my brown bottle. 'My pharmacy' as Edward had called it. The thought made me smile. The smile earned me a slap across the face. "What are you smiling about? There is not a God-damned thing that is funny here." The tears were streaming down my face. Edward's admonition to _be safe _was all I could think about.

I handed him the bottle. "What the fuck? You know better than that." He shoved the bottle back at me. He wanted me to pick out the pills and hand them to him. Damn it. I knew this. I couldn't be around these outsiders anymore; they made me lose my focus. I knew these rules.

His drug of choice was Percocet. I handed him two. I was on my knees. He was sitting on the bed. I placed my hands on his thighs and moved them slowly up and down.

He stopped me. "I can't let you touch me. I don't know where that mouth has been. I saw you and Benny. And I don't know what the fuck you did while you were at that college, you whore. You don't deserve to suck my cock. Not like you know how to do it anyway. Now that friend of yours – damn I can't even remember her name. While you were gone, when you called, did it turn you on to hear me fucking her brains out? I bet it did. I bet you could hear us. I bet you went and fucked some guy after hearing me giving it to her."

I had my proof. I had a reason. But I was no better. I had cheated, too. I just didn't fuck anybody. Here I was talking to Edward. "Riley, you know me better than that."

"Do I?" He smirked. "Who the fuck you been talking too? You leave my house and bet you come here and you talk dirty to some college prick. Did you let him cum on your face? Do you try to remember what it feels like?"

"Riley, there is no one else. I haven't done any of those things." I was in tears. I tried to figure out why I was crying. Was it was because my integrity was being challenged?

"Yeah, well since you've been back you even kiss differently," Riley argued. It seemed everything today was going to end up in a fight.

"I don't think we have kissed but three times. And it may be because I started smoking."

"Damn, why would you do that?"

"So, I would remember you every time I pulled one out." I said truthfully.

"Come here," he motioned. He kissed me. "Take me home." We climbed out the window together. I drove him home and was back at Granny's in less than 30 minutes. I cried myself to sleep.

Tuesday, I went home. I told Riley I needed to get more clothes, and I was staying with Renee. Edward called me there. We laughed on the phone, a lot. I didn't stutter. I didn't take pills. He told me his favorite color was blue. I had no idea what Riley's was.

I stayed with Renee on Wednesday and told Riley I didn't have gas money. He believed me. We stayed on the phone long enough for him to get off. Edward called. We talked for two hours. Alice called and we talked for an hour. They were so busy with work. They sounded tired and like they really needed the extra help.

A package arrived on Thursday. There was no return address. I threw it in the car and decided to open it on the way to Granny's.

I visited Riley for a few minutes but he had company and I just didn't want to be around him. I learned my lesson with Benny. Riley seemed ok with me not hanging out. He made a possessive display of kissing me and placing his hand on my pussy in front of everyone, but he let me go without much issue. We made plans for Friday.

When I got to Granny's, she was talking to 'Edmund' and she even called him that to his face. He laughed about it. Riley called Granny a cunt, a whore and a douche. Edward joked with Granny and made her smile. Edward made _me_ smile.

. We laughed on the phone. "Hey, Brown Eyes!" he said. That nickname just never got old to me. "You know, a group of us are thinking about catching a concert in a few weeks. You think you want to come?"

"I would love to, but I don't know much about the music you guys listen to," I hedged, not knowing if I would be able to get away.

"Well, there isn't but one way to remedy that, you know. I have a ton of tapes and you only have one. Perhaps you should have more."

Talking with Edward was easy. I didn't stutter. I didn't have to end the conversation by getting him off so he would be tired and I could go to sleep.

I had not had a single pill in four days.

Alice called. She told me she had a surprise for me. She was coming down on Friday to spend the weekend and that she had cleared it with Granny. God, I hoped Riley's drug buddies would keep him entertained. She said she would get in around 11:00 pm after work.

On Friday, I left to see Riley around five. He was there with company. I asked him if he wanted me to leave.

"No, baby. This won't take but a minute." His friend left and Riley turned to me. "I feel like I haven't seen you all week. What the hell? You're my girl, what's been keeping you away?" He said this so softly and sincerely.

"Nothing really, just trying to stay out of your business and not be in the way and bother you too much."

"You wanna have dinner? Maybe grab a bite and come back here?" he asked me. He showed me he had money.

"Sure. That sounds great." We drove to Arby's and grabbed some sandwiches and drinks. We got out of the car and headed to the house. It was seven.

We ate and he asked about my job. I told him I started on Monday. They originally wanted Saturday but decided that new trainees should not start on the weekend. We had not just sat and talked like this for a long time. I tried to keep an eye on the time without seeming obvious about it.

It was eight. We were silent and it felt awkward. Maybe it was just me.

His phone rang. It was business. I was relieved. It was eight twenty-seven when he hung up.

More silence. This was weird. Usually we would be making out. But he would not let me touch him ever since he thought I cheated on him. He said I didn't deserve it. Secretly I was relieved.

"What kind of pills you got on you, baby?" he asked me.

"Oh shit, Riley. I left them in the car. I will go grab them."

"No, baby. You sit right here. I will go get them."

"Will you get my smokes, too? I asked him. I had some nervous energy I thought I could hide with the cigarettes. I had no clue how I could get away from Riley long enough to spend time with Alice this weekend. I just needed to be honest with him.

Nine twelve. He walked back in. He had my purse, my Van Morrison tape, and my package.

"I noticed you had this tape. You didn't tell me about it. And it looks like you got mail from the college, or at least that is what the postmark says."

"Goodness. That came today and I forgot all about it. Yeah, Alice, the girl I met, made the tape for me." I told lie on top of lie.

"Mind if I play it?" _Yes, I don't want you to touch it_. "No, it's fine." I replied. He shook the package and then he took the tape out and put it in the player. He continued to hold the cover and I assumed he was going to look at the list of songs and cover art Edward had drawn.

"You gonna open that?" he asked. He also was rummaging in my purse for the bottle. _Good, if he takes enough he will pass out_.

"Yeah, but I wanna tell you something first. The chick I met, Alice – right before I came over called and said she is coming down this weekend." I stood up to walk over to him to help him with his pill selection.

"That sounds cool," he said pulling me closer by my belt loops. I took the bottle from him and asked what he wanted.

"You know, you always do. You always know what to do." He reached up and kissed me. He pulled me down so I was straddling him. This was the most contact we have had since I came back. He turned so my back was on the couch. The bottle fell and the tape cover fell. It was nine thirty-two. Van Morrison was singing, _And it Stoned Me. _The tape cover landed with a bounce. We both turned and giggled. The cover fell open and a note fell out. I had not noticed the note tucked into the folded tape cover.

There in Edward's handwriting –

"Come back soon – The real world is waiting. -E"

Riley and I read the note at the same time.

"Who the fuck is E?" he asked me. I knew that tone of voice and I knew that look in Riley's eyes. I knew I was in very serious trouble.

* * *

><p>So, dear readers, for the next chapter would you like some EPOV of this chapter or the BPOV of the events about to take place after the last sentence in this chapter?<p>

Please let me know what you think.

Rec's:

Ascension by changedbyEdward – This is one of the first ff I have ever read and I adore it!


	9. Chapter 9

SM owns the original, I own the fanficition.

Special Thanks to Cullen Confection, for being there, then and now.

My words are made so much better by Cullen Confection and Graymatters Fanficition.

The support from my pre-readers SweetPoetic Justice and ButterflyBetty astounds me!

This chapter was hard to write and if I have done my job, it should be hard to read. WARNING: Drug and physical abuse are very rampant in this chapter.

Song rec: Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

I knew that look. How did I not know that note was there?

"Sit up!" Riley said, his voice deadly calm. He pulled me up using my arms, his grip so tight. I gasped. He walked over to the kitchen table and pulled a chair out, placing it against a wall.

"Sit here, now," he commanded me. His voice was still, very even, eerie. "Don't you fucking move a muscle." He walked back into the kitchen. I glanced around the room. I could make it to the door, but not without my keys. He picked up another chair and brought it down swiftly on the coffee table beside me, breaking it into pieces. He threw the one leg piece still in his hand at me.

"Who the fuck is E?" He was in my face. I could feel the force of his breath when he said the f in the word fuck. He was staring into my eyes as he said each word. Apparently, I didn't answer quick enough. He grabbed the back of my chair and slammed it into the wall, making my head hit the wall and my ears ring from the impact. "Maybe you didn't hear me. Who. The. FUCK Is. E?"

"E is E-Edward. He is Alice's friend. He made the tape for you and I-I heard h-him whistling o-o-one of the songs, so h-h-he made me the other tape." I needed to breathe deep. Nine forty. By eleven, Granny would know that I should be back to meet Alice.

"You fucked him for those tapes didn't you?" he raged. He stormed past me and picked up the table lamp. He threw it past me, maybe even at me. It crashed into the wall. I screamed. He turned the TV on and turned up the volume. "Keep yelling. They will never hear you now. Or they may think I may be fucking you, like I fucked Tanya last week."

"N-no, Riley. I don't just fuck people. Apparently, you don't know shit about the Grateful Dead. They just give the music away!" I had never yelled at him in person, but I had reached a limit.

"You think you are so big and bad with that smart mouth of yours?" He walked back into the kitchen. He opened a drawer and slammed it shut. He came back in and circled the chair. I heard the familiar sound of tape. Duct tape. He peeled it from the roll and tore a strip. He placed it over my mouth. He drew his arm back and punched my left cheek.

This was not a slap like he had done in the past. It was with his fist, and I felt the force of it in my head, in my ears, through my neck down my spine. I couldn't cough, I couldn't cry out. Snot was streaming out of my nose, mixing with my tears. I scooted as quickly as I could on the carpet until I was in a huddle in the corner of the room. My chair was to my left. Broken lamp pieces were all around me. I felt so many different pains thatI couldn't figure out individually what was hurting.

Riley stalked over and yanked the tape off my mouth. It hurt. I brought my hand up to cover my aching lips and chin and to stop from screaming. The shock and pain of the tape coming off was incredible. "You gonna tell me the truth now, cunt?" he said. He lowered himself so he was level with my face and eyes. I recognized the excited gleam in his gaze. My fear was what was driving him.

"Riley, I-I swear to you, he is Alice's friend. All we did was listen to music." Another glance at the clock. Nine fifty-two.

"Sit the fuck down in that fucking chair before I break your fucking legs! I swear to God, I will fucking kill you if you keep fucking with me. Name a friend."

"W-what?" His sudden change of topic threw me.

"Name a friend."

"W-what do you mean, name a friend?"

"You wanna fuck around on me? Name a friend. I am going to call her up and I am going to fuck her in front of you."

"Riley, I don't have friends anymore."

"You trying to blame that shit on me? They probably figured out that you weren't worth the trouble, always whining about your mom, or Granny." He walked over to my purse and pulled out a cigarette. He lit one for me and one for him. He put my purse down on the coffee table. "When is that Alice chick getting here? You girls are all alike. I just need to tell you how smart or beautiful you are, show you how to kiss, and finger those tight pussies and you cunts do whatever I want."

I held my cigarette but didn't dare take a drag from it, no matter how badly I wanted to. I just watched Riley warily, terrified of what he would do or say next. He looked over at me and snapped his fingers. "What is the name of that pretty girl in your biology class? With the long brown hair, real small thing."

"Leah."

"Yeah, Leah. You could learn a lot from Leah. That girl is so small. What's her number?"

"I don't know. I am not that close to her."

"Give me her last name!" He sneered at me.

"C-Clearwater." He grabbed a phone book. "Look here, she even has her own direct line. Her parents must be rich. Lucky me!" He went back into the kitchen. I moved my feet. He saw the movement. He did not respond. I tested him further. I leaned forward to ash my unsmoked cigarette. I was surprised no ash had fallen on the floor. "You be quiet and I will not tape your big mouth. I will even let you keep smoking. But you ain't leaving." He tied my right hand to the chair.

He dialed the numbers. "Hello, is Leah there?" I couldn't believe he was serious.

"Hey, Leah, this is Riley Biers."

"Yep, that Riley." He was smiling into the phone as he was listening to her. "You got a car?" He waited. She did. "Can you come out tonight, anytime?" he asked her. He paused rolling his eyes. "Well, I thought you were a big girl, but if you don't-" She must have cut him off.

"By 12?" was his response. "I can't wait. Yeah, it will just be me and you baby." He rattled off his address and phone number to her. Then he hung up the phone and turned back to me with a sad look on his face.

"Why do you make me do this shit to you? All you had to do was be fucking honest with me. And now, I find out that you are out there fucking this Edward dude. Was the ass fucking I gave you before you left not enough?"

Suddenly he was right in front of me and dropped to his knees. "You told me you were different. 'Oh Riley, I don't believe in cheating, Oh Riley you can trust me'," he mocked. "What the fuck? All you fucking did was play mind games with me!"

"Riley, I promise I would not and did not cheat on you, ever. You know me better." I slid out of the chair onto my knees facing him. My right hand was still on the chair. I reached up to touch his smooth cheek. By contrast, I could feel the swelling in my face, and I knew there would be no hiding this, Granny would call the police when she saw it. "Think about it, you know me." He reached over and untied my hand and massaged my wrist.

"Riley, I gotta get back to Granny's or my friends will come looking for me." I slowly stood up.

"Fuck that, you call Granny and tell her you will be late." His eyes had shifted from what they were moments earlier.

"I can't Riley." I knew if I did that, they would come looking for me.

"Your college friends more important than me, Bella?" I looked up at him. I could not recall the last time he called me by my name. I needed to leave before I caved.

"No, Riley, but if I walk in late and looking like this, it is just not going to go over well." I motioned to my face. I didn't know where my strength to respond to him was coming from.

"You been telling people I beat on you? I bet you don't tell them how you fuck around on me, or lie to me, and disrespect me? You ever think of that shit? No, because you are to busy trying to fuck me over! You wanna fuck me so bad. That's all you have been after this entire time. You want my cock."

I shook my head. "Riley, you have said I am too fat, I am never good enough for you. I got it. The best thing is for us to just not be together. I push your buttons and I just don't fit in your world." I was grasping at straws. What would it take to make him let me leave!

"Is that what you fucking want? You want us over? Because once you fuckin' leave that's it. You can't come crawlin' back." He was yelling at me.

"Okay, I understand." I turned to grab my purse. I wanted my box and my tape. I couldn't leave them as reminders. Once I was gone, he needed to forget I existed. I reached for the box. I picked up the note, the cover, and the tape from the stereo. He was watching me like a hawk circling a mouse.

I walked to the door without another word. I was done. I was done with Riley Biers. _Don't look back, don't look back._ I had my hand on the door knob. The door was open and I wanted to run, I could feel the terror. I struggled with the screen door. Before I could clear his front stoop, Riley grabbed the hood of my shirt. FUCK MY LIFE! The zipper of the hoodie pulled tight against my throat. My hands instinctively went to my neck.

He not only pulled my hood, but he had my hair too. It wasn't a matter of losing the shirt. It was amazing how much your mind processed when you were in fight or flight mode. I wouldn't care about him keeping the hoodie, but my head was attached to the hair. If I lived, I was cutting that shit off!

"Fuck you! You wanna play in the big boy's world?" I stumbled and fumbled backward until I felt him pull me into the chair I was tied to earlier. He pulled the chair with me in it away from the wall. My purse contents were all over the room. "Sit right fucking there. If you move, I will annihilate you." I heard the duct tape again. He was behind me. He grabbed my arms and pulled them back and duct taped my wrists together. He taped each ankle to the leg of the chair.

"R-Riley, I-I don't want to do this. I-I just wanna go home. P-Please," I begged him.

"Shut the fuck up. You want something to remember me by? Isn't that what you said about smoking? You sit right there. Ha, that's right you can't move," he laughed as he walked back to the bedroom. He was still laughing when he came back with a machete.

I felt my heart stop, and I almost hoped that was going to die here tonight. I prayed. _Dear God, please watch over Renee and Granny, they need you_. _And Alice and Edward and Jasper. God just help me._ I must have the smallest smile when I said this pray. "What the fuck have you got to smile about?" He asked me so close to my face. "If you kill me, then I never have to see you again." I replied with brutal honesty.

He could see straight through me. "You scared, little girl? What, they don't have big knives like these in the 'real world' of college? Isn't that what 'E' called it? The real world." Riley slammed the machete down on the coffee table beside me with enough force for it to stick into the table. . Tears streamed down my face.

"Here, let me help you out a little." He walked past me and found my pills. "Take these." He shoved three Xanax in my mouth. "You are going to need those," he said menacingly, then smiled. "See, don't say I don't think of you. I will even get you a glass of water." He walked into the kitchen and filled a small glass. He came back and shoved it to my mouth. It was vodka, and I gulped it down, grateful for the liquid and whatever numbness it could bring me. He set the bottle on the table. "Big boy's world, Bella, you can handle it." Ten twenty-eight. He took a handful himself and a shot of vodka. At least I knew the pills would kick in at some point and he would calm down.

He stroked my face and I flinched when he touched my bruised cheek. He suddenly leaned down and shoved his tongue in my mouth. I did not respond to his bruising kiss. "Acting like you don't want me? Am I not good enough now that you have Edward? Fucking kiss me, whore!"

He leaned down again, shoving his tongue deep. I responded but I became detached from the moment. My mind just separated from my body. "That's better." Ten thirty-two. _Come on, Alice, you gotta get there soon._ He kissed my neck, sucking hard and marking me. Even if I left here tonight, he was making sure that a part of him was going with me. He reached over, grabbed the bottle of vodka, and drank from it.

"Riley, I could never betray you. I was stupid to think I could ever leave you."

"You mean that, baby?" he whispered in my ear.

"Yes. With all my heart," I said, willing myself to sound convincing.

"Call Edward and tell him that." He smirked. Another shot.

"I don't know his number. Honestly, he never gave it to me. I had no reason to ask for it."

"Wonder if Edward would still like you if your face wasn't so pretty?" He pulled the machete out of the table. "Nah, I'm not that mean, that's about all you have going for you, anyway." He slid the machete under the leg of my shorts on top of my thigh, slicing them open cleanly. "God, for a fat little fucker, you have great legs." He ran his hand up and down my thigh and kissed it.

"Riley, you don't have to force me to do this."

"You think I am going to fuck you? No, I get it, you think I want to _make love_ to you?" he said, making the words sound obscene. "No, baby. I kinda like what I did to you last time. You didn't protest." He walked around me and took another shot of vodka. "Hell, I think you liked it. Made my ass do all the work, well, your ass did the work. You didn't even thank me. I know you have been fucking somebody else because I haven't gotten you off in over a week. I have never fucked with anybody while they were tied up. "

He picked up my box. I had no clue who it was from. It could have been from the school, Alice, or Edward. He used the machete to open the taped edge of the box. "Well, look what we have here? Another letter and two more tapes." I didn't want Riley's eyes to taint Edward's words. He took a long swig from the bottle. Surely, the pills and alcohol had to start affecting him soon.

"Bella-Bella, - Hey, your friends have a stuttering problem too." I sighed in relief as I knew from the opening words that at least Alice had something to do with the letter. "Thought you might like these tapes, too. The Eric Clapton one is the one we played on the balcony. The other is Tom Petty. Peace, Alice, Jasper, and Edward"

"Well, if that isn't the sweetest bullshit. How many pills did you give them to make them like you?" I looked up at him. He saw the realization when it hit me. Riley was right. All people ever did was use me. Edward barely said anything to me until he saw my bottle, and the gang didn't warm up until he told them I was a walking pharmacy.

"You see, baby, I am the only one you can trust. We got something special here. You can't just walk away from it. We understand each other." He was right. If I acted the right way, walked the right way, and talked the right way, the way he wanted - we were good together.

"Riley, I am sorry. I never cheated on you, I promise. And I am sorry I didn't know about the note in that tape. I am so sorry. Please forgive me?"

"You gonna be a good girl for me from now on?" he asked me.

"Riley, I am yours. You know that. I couldn't leave you if I wanted to." I tried to move my arms because they were aching from the position. I was defeated.

Riley's phone rang. It could be Alice. It didn't matter, she just wanted a place to stay at the beach and free shit. Riley and Alice could get stoned together. Alice could shot gun me. Riley would get off on that. I wondered what Edward thought. I wondered what Edward was doing.

"Hello," he said.

"She is right here getting ready to leave. Are you Alice?" I heard him ask.

"Yeah, hang on." He placed his had over the receiver. "She wants to talk to you. Not one fucking word about this, you underfuckingstand?"

I nodded. He held the phone to my left ear. I winced as his fingers brushed my bruised cheek. He moved the phone to the other side. "Alice?" I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Bella, I got in a bit ago, and you weren't here. We were wondering when you would get back."

"Alice, I-I lost track of time. I just need to get free from here and then I will be on my way, give me twenty."

"Do you need us to come get you?" she asked. I had no clue who 'us' was.

"No, that would not be for the best right now." My voice was stilted.

"I understand. You have twenty minutes, then I am sending out the SWAT team, girl. We didn't drive four hours to sit with Granny all night." Rose must have come with her. "Bella-Bella, can Granny give me directions to the nearest grocery store? I need to get some stuff."

"Sure, Alice, just ask her for directions to anywhere, she is blind but not dumb." Could Alice not understand I needed to get off the phone? Riley smiled when I made that comment. He loved my snark, just not directed at him.

"Alice, I need to go. I will be there soon, I am doing my best."

"Bella, we are going to that store right now. Can you understand what I am saying to you?" Alice was talking slow to me. She must have been high. Did she think that I cared that they were going to the store?

"Yeah, Alice, I got it. I will be home soon," Riley disconnected the phone.

"This is going to hurt." He picked up the machete and walked behind me. I said a silent prayer, I had no clue what he was going to cut. I knew he was close to drunk and on a cocktail of prescription drugs.

He swung the machete and I heard the whistle of air. I closed my eyes and prayed. When I felt the flat of the blade on my shoulder, I looked at him. He was smirking. He ran the blade down my arm. He turned the blade and started to swing it.

I could feel it touch the edge of my fingers. Oh, God, please. Riley laughed as I prayed. The blade was ice cold. The feel of metal on your skin when it was being used against you was something you never forgot. Would I ever feel warm again? "Please, Riley, let me go before my friends start looking for me."

"Shut up, whore!" he yelled as he punched my cheek again. He hit me hard enough to loosen my teeth. I thought I heard a crunch, but was too terrified to know.

"If I just cut these fingers off, you could never touch 'E's' cock again. How much would he want you then?" He took the handle of the machete and pressed it on my throat. "If I crushed this throat, you would never be able to put his cock in your mouth again. Would he still want you?" He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. "Answer me, you fucking bitch!"

"He is no one, Riley. You are it. I belong to you. Granny got her meds yesterday. Let me go and I can restock some for you. Please, Riley, for you." I was begging for my life.

He cut the tape from my arms. They swung forward. But the ache from being held in the same position surprised me. "I couldn't let you leave until we could talk. You know that is why I did this." He was releasing my legs. I pulled the tape from around my wrist. I couldn't leave it on there. It hurt. Riley came over and yanked the tape off the other wrist. I screamed outcrying for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I need to clean up my mess from my purse," I said as I stood up. The machete was at my feet. I instinctively moved away from it.

"I am not going to hurt you, baby," he whispered to me.

I gathered my things. My tapes, my pills, my wallet, and my notes. I shoved everything I could into my purse. I left the empty box. I took off my hoodie. I was stupid for wearing it anyway. I just liked to pretend I was cold, like all the skinny girls did. I wanted to make sure I had everything. I always did every time I left.

"If you don't need your jacket, you can leave it here," he said to me. A victim's downfall: a reason to come back. He knew this, and it was the first time he volunteered for me to do this. He stumbled a little as he walked me to the door. The alcohol and pills were finally getting to him.

"No, Riley, I better take it, I have no clue what Alice has planned." I turned to the door. It had been nine minutes since I spoke to Alice. "I will call you tomorrow." I looked out and saw my car. I had to go. I had to go now. I had to go right now. He reached for me.

"You know you are my girl," he said as he tugged me back to him. He kissed me. It was sloppy. I saw movement outside. Another car pulled up along beside mine. Riley was still smirking from the forced kiss. I turned; I knew if I ran, Riley would try to chase me. I started walking and I forced myself to walk slowly.

I heard my name. I looked up. Riley heard it, too. I saw my Savior. I heard something crash near his apartment but I didn't look back. I heard him roar. "You know this means war!"

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><p>Your reviews mean the world to me. Sorry I couldn't give you a break in the angst. And I tried to force Edward into this chapter but he just felt like Bella needed to tell this part. Edward is up next though.<p>

For those of you with your own story to tell: A victim's best defense, using her voice. Talk with someone.


	10. Chapter 10

SM owns it, I just put some chlorine in the pool.

Love to Cullen Confection, Greymatters, SweetPoeticJustice and ButterflyBetty Cullen.

Song Rec (PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN): I will take you home by The Grateful Dead The words to the song are really fitting for E's mindset at the end of the chappie!

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><p>Chapter 10<p>

EPOV

"So, there is something about Bella-Bella that makes you want to listen to Van Morrison?" Alice asked me as we watched Brown Eyes drive away.

"Whatever, she's cool," I said with a shrug. Jasper looked over at me with a knowing smirk. God, I needed to get that chick out of my head! Seriously, I was supposed to be taking this time to regroup. What the hell?

"No way, E, you can't be like that with this one," Alice said to me.

All of a sudden, I was defensive. "What is she like your best friend now?" I took a few steps away. "I better head home. You know how my parents get." I reached in my pocket and made sure I still had Bella's address.

We talked on Sunday and Monday.

On Tuesday, I called again. "Umm, yellow?" Granny answered. It always sounded like she said yellow instead of hello.

"Is Bella there?"

"No. Who is this?"

"This is Edward, ma'am."

"Well, Edmund, I reckon she is with that Riley boy who thinks he is Jesus. Walks around thinking he owns the place," Granny stated matter-of-factly.

"I don't know Riley, but I don't like him that much, from what Bella has told me."

"Well, that makes you a good boy. When is Bella gonna let me meet you, you been callin' all week?"

And with that, Alice and I began making plans with Granny to come down that Friday.

It was Alice's plan to not tell Bella that I was coming. Alice felt if Granny was 'cool' with it then Bella would be ok with us being there. Alice had a bit of a girl crush on Granny.

Alice had been talking and getting to know Bella and as Friday got closer, I knew that I was ready to see her again.

Alice talked the entire four-and-a-half hour drive to the beach. Alice knew that Bella was headed to Riley's just before we were supposed to get there.

"I just have a feeling guys," she said to Jasper and I. "Bella and I have been talking, and I know that she is excited about leaving and moving upstate. Bella knows this is one of her only chances to get out. She has a plan in place about getting away from this guy. I mean we all know that he isn't good for her. We spent one night with her and he called like six times."

Alice followed the directions straight to Granny's house. It was 10:30 when we pulled in, and Bella was expecting us at 11:00. This was going to be awkward. At least we were sober and didn't have to worry about being paranoid.

"Alice, what if Bella really wants to be with this guy?" I asked nervously, almost afraid of her answer.

"E, you've told me about Irina, I've told you about what I went through. We know all the signs. We can't push her. But we can create an opportunity for her, and let her know that we will stand up for her. This guy has literally secluded her from her friends. And he keeps threatening her family. We have a chance to help her here. School needs the extra help, she has every reason to leave early. We just need to show her she will be ok if she does." Alice looked at me as if to ask_ any more stupid questions?_

Alice walked up to Granny's door and knocked.

It took a good two minutes for Granny to answer. "Hey, Granny," Alice said with a smile and hugged Granny. And as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Granny hugged her back.

"This is Edmund and Jasper." Alice gestured to each of us, winking at me as she called me by the wrong name like Granny always did.

I held out my hand. "Edward Cullen."

"You can call me Granny, everybody else does."

Jasper followed my lead.

"You all hungry? I got some food and drinks. Bella's with that ol' boy but she is supposed to be here around eleven."

"Granny, do you have 'ol' boys' phone number? I have just driven a long way and it isn't fair that I don't get to see Bella as soon as I get here," Alice asked Granny.

"Well, she wasn't raised that way, but that boy has changed that girl. You'd be surprised how late he keeps her. I think she is scared of him. I ain't stupid. I've seen fear. I just don't know what he has over her. Now, I got that number somewhere." She shuffled to a table and picked up a little notebook.

"His number is under Piece of Shit," she said with a smile. I grinned back. Apparently Bella's snark ran in the family.

Alice called Riley's number. When she hung up, she looked scared. "Granny, I just have a feeling that Bella needs us, can you tell me how to get to Riley's house?"

As we headed to Riley's, Alice warned me that the most important thing was to get Bella out. And not by force. Alice told us she had to want to come. Bella had to want to leave.

When I saw her standing at the doorway, my blood ran cold. She was walking in our direction, her eyes blank with shock . I had seen that look before, and I couldn't stay quiet another second. "Bella!" I called out to her.

Her head swiveled in our direction, and her gaze cleared. I could see the moment she recognized us, and she broke into a run. She ran towards us with everything she had. I thought Riley would chase her. I kept my eyes on her, nothing but her. I heard the smash of wood on wood and pieces as they crumpled. Bella flinched and her step faltered.

"Don't stop," I said as much to her as to me. I opened the back door of the car. I looked up as she made it to me.

Riley was holding a piece of wood in his hands. He had smashed his own guitar against the side of his apartment. He looked at me and roared, "You know this is war!"

Jasper was sitting in Bella's car using the extra set of keys Granny had given him. We had been planning this from the moment Bella didn't show up on time. Alice knew Bella would need help. Alice has a sixth sense about those things.

Bella looked up at me. She looked at me as though I was supposed to be here. She was not surprised. I wanted her to run into my arms and cling to me.

She climbed into the car and I wanted to sit beside her. But once she was in the car, she brought her knees up to her chest. She looked so small, so fragile and so defeated. I just stayed close beside her. Alice drove the car back to Granny's.

I watched Bella the entire time as she stared out the window. Alice told me not to force her. To let her come to me for comfort.

We could hear the telephone ringing before we went into Granny's house. I knew it was Riley. I knew Bella wouldn't let me hurt him right now. I knew I needed to play my cards right. I glanced over to Jasper. Neither of us were fighters, but we both knew guys who liked to fight and get into scrapes. Even those guys knew better—guys guys just didn't hit girls. _Who the fuck gets off on hitting girls?_

"Bella, we are going into Granny's now," Alice told her in a very calm voice

Brown Eyes just snapped like she was in a daze. "Yeah, that's great, Alice. I will get us some drinks."

We heard the phone ringing again. Bella walked straight in and picked up the phone.

"Hello," she said. "Riley, everything is fine, just some friends from the university. I will introduce you tomorrow."

"Bye." She held the phone close to her chest for a moment prior to hanging it up.

All of us were avoiding the huge fucking white elephant in the room. Even Granny wasn't talking. Bella turned toward us.

"So, did you guys make good time on your trip down?" she asked. She wasn't here with us. Her eyes were blank.

"Yeah, Bella-Bella. Aren't you surprised that Jasper and Edward came with me?" Alice asked as she reached forward to touch Bella's arm.

Bella jerked away. Alice nodded slowly like she had expected it, then continued. "Bella, can you show me where I can put my stuff? Can I sleep in your room?" Alice was trying to get Bella to speak to her.

"Yeah, um-Alice, follow me," Bella muttered.

This wasn't my Brown-Eyes. She was mine. I had already told Jasper that shit. I told him that, the same day I met her. When she asked us if we had been up partying, the truth was, Jasper and I were up talking about our girls. I claimed her that night. But I knew I needed to wait for her to come to me, I didn't cheat.

"That sum-bitch hurt my baby, didn't he?" Granny's voice came out of nowhere. I was so lost in my thoughts, I forgot she was there.

"I don't know Granny. We know she walked to the car and he slammed something against the wall and said it meant war. She was already leaving when we got there," I told her.

"I'mma kick his ass. Stupid good for nothing bum." Granny was angry. Jasper and I just looked at each other as Granny continued to rant. "I should hire somebody to kill him."

Holy hell, was this woman was for real?

"Granny, you think Bella's ok?" I asked her.

"Boy, that's a strong girl you got there. I reckon' I know her as good as any. She tries to hide a lot from me, but I know what goes on. Her spirit ain't broken. She is an old spirit. She has lived a lifetime in her 18 years." I studied the wisdom in Granny's eyes. "I don't know what he did to her tonight or any other night, but I have watched her struggle to get free, you are her chance," she pointed to me and Jasper. Somehow, I already knew this.

Alice came out of the bedroom. She walked over to us. "Granny, Bella needs some ice for her cheek. Can I make an ice pack for her?"

Granny struck the leg of the couch with her cane. "I am going to beat his head in. Yeah, you get whatever you need." Granny made her way into the kitchen to help Alice.

I walked toward Bella's bedroom and knocked lightly on the door.

"Yeah," was all I heard.

"Brown-Eyes?" I said as I stuck my head into 'her' room. It wasn't hers. It was an old man's room. There was nothing in there that said Brown Eyes. She was sitting on the bed. Her face was swollen. She tried to turn, so I wouldn't see it.

"It's been a long night, Edward," she whispered to me.

"I know."

"I didn't know you were coming," she said slowly, shaking her head. I sat on the bed beside her.

"I know."

"I didn't know you put that letter in the tape cover. He found it. I am so, so sorry," she said as she looked up at me.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"I didn't mean for him to find the letter. I didn't mean to mess up your first night at the beach." Silent tears were streaming down her face.

I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hold her. I reached out. She literally jumped to her feet.

"Brown Eyes, are you ok?" I asked her.

"I will be. I always am. Just give me a bit and I will be back to what you needs" she answered me without missing a beat.

Something was off. I needed to think about the words she just said. "Bella," I said as I took a step closer to her, "do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No, silly. I am fine. It's just been a long night," she said with the saddest smile. "Hey, Edward? I could use a Coke-cola and a smoke, but Granny will kill me. Do you think we could get away with it?"

"I think Granny will let it slide tonight."

"I don't know, she is a tough cookie, have you ever seen her mad?" Bella asked me with a slight giggle.

"You got it. But are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor? "

She looked down after I asked her. "Edward, I am fine. I just need some time. This is nothing," she said to me without ever lifting her eyes. I left the bedroom first and she followed behind me.

Alice stood in the kitchen with Granny holding a make shift ice pack.

"Granny, I promise I am ok. I promise. I promise no more. I am done," Bella said, looking straight at Granny.

We were quiet. Bella stepped to Granny and hugged her. "You have been already been through so much. I don't understand why this too," Granny whispered into Bella's ear.

I felt bad for overhearing, but it made me wonder what Bella's life had been like. It made me realize how little I knew of the person I considered to be my girl. It made me think about how hard this was going to be. It made me remember how hard I tried with Irina, and what a disaster that had been.

"Granny, I just need some air."

"Don't lie to me, girl."

"Granny, I would like to take a walk outside and smoke a cigarette and forget for a few minutes that tonight has kinda sucked," Bella retorted.

"Girl, that language on you. Gonna need to wash your mouth out with soap. Make sure your friends go with you. Don't leave the porch. Think about what you are gonna tell Renee," Granny gently scolded Bella. Granny was cool.

Bella walked to the fridge and grabbed us all some drinks. She handed everybody their drink first and then took hers. We walked out into the screened in porch.

"So what do you guys want to do now that you are here?" she asked, looking at us.

Jasper lit his cigarette and handed his lighter to me. I had two in my mouth and I lit one for Brown Eyes and one for me. I handed the smoke to her. She didn't jump or flinch when I moved my hand, which was already an improvement over earlier this evening. "I think we can go to the boardwalk tomorrow night, they have rides and games and neat shops down there."

She was acting like nothing had happened to her. Didn't she want to tell me what had happened? All week we spent talking on the phone getting to know each other and now, I couldn't get her to talk to me.

"Bella, you know we are here for you, if you want to talk about it, right?" Alice asked her.

"I don't want to talk about it, Alice. I just want to be a normal girl. I just want to have friends and have fun and just be normal. I just want to not worry about fucking up! I just want to listen to music and smoke a cigarette and talk about what I am doing next weekend without worrying, if I am doing it the right way! Do you understand? Do you understand?" Bella never broke eye contact with Alice. Even after she finished, Bella just stood there.

"Bella-Bella, I know you got some shit on your chest, but if you don't ash that cigarette, you are going to have to clean Granny's porch."Jasper said, holding his cigarette in his mouth and holding an old cup in his other hand for Bella to use as a makeshift ashtray. And that was exactly what we needed. All of us started to chuckle.

I knew Bella was in shock. I had no idea what she had just been through. Had he done something extraordinary to her, or was this the way she always left him?

I could tell each time we talked this week, when she had been with Riley. She would take a few minutes to warm up to me, almost like she had to give herself permission to talk to me. I leaned down to sit on one of those soft wicker chairs that all old people have on their porches. Bella's arms were a wreck. I could see bruises in the shape of fingerprints, her wrists were red. Alice told me not to threaten Riley in front of Bella. I knew that shit wouldn't work anyway from the crap I went through last semester.

Bella's eyes searched outside. I watched her. She looked out into the road, into the woods, in the parking lot and finally, she looked at me. It was like she saw me for the first time. Her face lit with a smile. Her smile did not quite reach her eyes. But it was a smile that was caused by me.

"Hey," she said to me like we had not been talking for the last ten minutes.

"Hey, you," I said as I patted the arm of the chair close to me.

"You came?" she asked me.

"Yep, we thought we would see how this side of the state could entertain us," I said as softly as I could to her. Bella gingerly sat down on the chair beside me. She looked behind her. She didn't like the position of her chair so she moved it until her back was flush with the wall.

"You don't like Granny's seating arrangements?" I teased her.

"I like being able to see the door. I don't want my back to it. I want to see the door," she repeated, almost in a mumble.

"How did you guys talk Granny into letting you come? I can't believe she is letting you and Jasper stay here," she said slightly shaking her head.

"Let's just say Alice and Granny have something extra special" I said to her.

Bella yawned. "I am such a poor hostess. I'm tired. It's been a long day." She slowly allowed herself to lean back in her chair. She scanned everywhere with her eyes. Alice had taken a seat next to Bella and Jasper was leaning against one of the poles of the screened in porch.

"Star Wars marathon is on TNT tonight, you guys feel like watching?" Jasper looked right at Bella.

Her eyes lit up like Christmas, who would have thought my girl was a Star Wars fan? "Jasper, you have no idea how much I love Star Wars. That sounds like a perfect way to wind down," Bella said with a smile.

"Yeah, I was listening to Granny change channels earlier tonight, and I heard her mention that you liked it," Jasper replied

"How about another smoke and we head inside and veg?" Bella asked.

I lit another cigarette and handed it to her. Our hands brushed when she took it from me. She didn't flinch, but she looked up at me and I nodded to her.

In the distance, we heard a branch break, like when you step on it and it snaps into pieces. Bella gasped and started to shake.

"Look at me," I said to her. "Look at me. I am here. I will be here all night. Jasper is here. We will be here all night. You and Granny and Alice are safe tonight. I can promise you that."

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><p>Nominated for a Shimmer Award. I will let you know when voting starts, but I am so honored that you guys think enough of this story to nominate it!<p>

Rec: Anything by FictionFreak 95 I a personally partial to Vines. But her new one Meet the Masens is AWESOME!

A Handsome Woman by Viola Cornuta – This one is really well researched

Dead Confederates by Goldenmeadow


	11. Chapter 11

SM own Twilight. My reviewers and readers own me.

Much love to: Cullen Confection, Graymatters, Sweet Poetic Justice, Butterfly Betty Cullen.

A special shout out to Midnight Cougar, you made my week!

Song for the chapter: Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough by Patty Smyth

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><p>Chapter 11<p>

I saw Edward waiting for me as I came out of Riley's and that feeling was something that was hard to explain. The relief that someone was willing to stand at that driveway and wait for me was overwhelming. That was why I ran. I thought Riley realized that I was not going to turn back to him. I knew what he smashed; I knew the minute I heard the crash. There were few things in Riley's life that I knew he loved and he loved that guitar. Why would he smash it over me? I wasn't worth that to him was I?

I crawled into the back of the car. Honestly, I just wanted to think. I knew this was it. I hoped that now Riley would just stay away. He admitted that he had fucked Tanya, he obviously felt like I had been with someone else. At this point, I didn't even care if he thought that I cheated. I rested my head against the window. I watched the world continue to turn, even when I was trapped in a room with a person holding a machete. A victim's worst realization was that the world keeps going no matter what was happening to you.

A victim's best realization was that someone who truly loves you would never hold you hostage with a machete.

The sad truth was that Angela could have told me, Renee could have told me, Granny could have told me, Charlie could have told me, but none of that would have made a bit of difference to me. Until I knew that Riley wasn't treating me right, until I really knew it, nothing anyone said or did would have mattered. I had to know it. I had to be the one to see it and understand in my mind that it was wrong.

Riley was already on the phone before I could even get in the door at Granny's. I lied to him, said whatever I could just to get him off the phone. Did he not understand this was not okay?

I knew I was talking to Edward in a daze and I felt like I was in a tunnel. I don't know if it was from the hits, the shock or the pills but I seemed detached. Alice asked me about my bedroom.

I led her down the hallway in a daze.

"Am I going to call the cops or are you going to call the cops?" she said to me bluntly.

"Alice, there is nothing to call the cops over."

"Bella, have you seen your face?"

"No, but Alice, if I call the cops, it will only make matters worse. He'll get out and come after me. I have nothing to prove that he did this to me. They'll just call it a domestic dispute and we'll both get in trouble. It's his word against mine and it won't help that I've defended him to the police before."

Alice studied me for a long moment. "I'm getting you some ice," she said. I felt like I had disappointed her. Didn't she understand that if I called the police and they didn't lock him up tonight, he would hurt us? He would hurt me or Granny, or even her, Jasper and Edward, since there were here with us now?

Edward came in and we talked. God, it was so easy to talk to him. I didn't have to worry about upsetting him. I didn't have to worry about the world revolving around him. But that feeling wasn't just with Edward. It was with Alice and what I knew of Jasper too. It was almost like they didn't care who I was. Somehow, Edward convinced me that having a cigarette was okay with Granny and would you believe Granny agreed with him? Being with them all was just so...so _easy_, so drama-free.

We sat on the porch and talked. I just wanted to be normal. But I couldn't even choose a seat like a normal girl, like Alice did, just flopping into a seat by her boyfriend. Would I always want my back against a wall so that I could see if he was coming? Would I always be scanning the parking lot, the street, the dark corners for shadows, for movement?

Jasper suggested going inside to watch Star Wars and I almost wanted to hug him. Star Wars was one of my favorite movie series. For days after Charlie and Renee divorced, I would sit and watch the movies over and over. I loved the idea of a fantasy world where good always won, but where the battles were still hard-fought. This was what I needed. I just needed for my mind to escape for just a little while.

Edward lit a last smoke and handed it to me. I heard a branch crack in the woods and I knew it was Riley. I felt my body tense. I involuntarily began to shake.

"Look at me," Edward commanded softly. I stared into the woods, squinting, focusing. I would call the police, if he was here.

Edward's voice was calm, soothing. "Look at me. I am here. I will be here all night. Jasper is here. We will be here all night. You and Granny and Alice are safe tonight. I can promise you that." His eyes told me he meant it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked me.

"No, not tonight. But, I promise I will. I need to think tonight. I need to process this. But Edward, I am done, I can promise you that tonight. I am not going back. I am done. I know that," I begged him to believe me.

He silently nodded his head.

We watched the last half of The Empire Strikes Back. Granny turned in just prior to Han being frozen in carbonite but the four of us stayed in the living room. We drank Coca-Cola and ate microwave pop-corn. By the time the movie was done, Jasper and Alice were asleep on one couch, but I was too afraid to go to sleep.

"Edward?"

"Seek an answer, you do?" he answered me, doing his best Yoda impression. I could tell in his eyes he was tired, but I also saw a look that told me he wasn't going to sleep unless I did.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, Brown Eyes, I'm good." He was resting his back against a chair.

"It has been a crazy day, Edward. I never expected you to come with Alice," I said to him.

"Well, I thought it would be cool to try to convince you to come back with us. Man, you would not believe the hours they have us working."

"So, you think that I could just work there the whole summer with you guys?"

"Bella, I know they would jump at the chance for the extra help. This whole internet thing has the campus going crazy. They want every room to be connected."

We both turned as the Emperor was sending crazy jolts of lightening through Luke Skywalker's body. "Damn, you know that shit had to hurt," I said with a smile, but the smile brought pain that reminded me of the day.

"Brown Eyes, does it hurt?"

"My cheek and jaw hurt the worst. My arms hurt more now than they did when I got here," I said, ignoring that my heart hurt the worst.

"You think a warm shower would help?" he asked me as he yawned.

"You know that's not a bad idea. Why don't you turn in, while I grab a shower and then I will head to bed," I told him, knowing I would not go to sleep, but the shower sound like a great idea.

Edward nodded in agreement, and I walked over to my bedroom and I turned to close the door. I expected Edward to be watching me, but he had turned back to the movie, giving me privacy. Hell, Riley would follow me into the doctor's office. Why was I comparing Edward and Riley? The two of them were obviously nothing alike, which made me wonder what someone like Edward could possibly see in someone like me. Edward had no clue how damaged I was, he would never want me if he did. I stepped into the bathroom and passed by the small mirror on the way. I took two steps back when I saw my reflection, sobbing and gasping at what I saw. I had no idea. Edward must think I was the stupidest girl on the planet.

I heard a soft knock on my door.

"Bella?" I heard Edward ask urgently. "I heard you cry out, I was just checking you."

"I'm okay, I just tripped over something," I lied.

"I will be right out here if you need anything," he said.

Gosh, I looked horrible. Riley had hit my left cheek twice, but I had tons of other bruises. The pills must have really numbed me. I wondered if Riley would just let this go? Didn't he understand that we were no good together?

I stepped into the warm water. I had to turn the heat down, some of the raw skin couldn't handle the heat. Then I had to turn down the pressure, some of the bruised skin couldn't take the pain. I didn't want to sit in the shower and let the water pound down on me. I washed my hair, but I noticed handful after handful was literally coming out.

I finished the shower and dried off, then pulled some elastic pants and a t-shirt from my pile of clothes. I didn't really have a dresser here, even though I spent so much time with Granny. I towel dried my hair. I listened and the house was so quiet. I wondered where my purse was. Shit! I left it in the car. I just needed something to help me go to sleep. I just wanted to stop thinking about all this. I knew what I needed to do.

I was done with Riley. I just needed him to understand that he was done with me too. I sat on the bed and pulled my shoes on so that I could walk out to the car. I peeked into the living room. Edward was sitting on the floor with his head back against the seat of a chair. He looked like he was asleep.

I walked through the kitchen and past the television. I needed to remember to turn that off before I went to lay down. Edward didn't move when I walked past him and Alice and Jasper were still in the same position I left them in before my shower.

I hesitated just a moment before I opened the door. Riley would have just gone to bed, he would not have cared what I was doing. I looked over at Edward and it looked like he literally fell asleep waiting on me to return. I wanted so badly to touch his face. I noticed the blind behind the chair was up. I stepped back around Edward and reached to close it when I saw movement outside! I know I did! I leaned forward and accidentally knocked into the table. Edward looked up at me with a startled look on his face.

"He's here," I said. "Somebody's outside. I was closing the blind, and I saw them move. Between the cars. Damn, he will never leave."

Edward stood behind me and looked out the window. "I don't see him or anything."

We turned and looked at each other, straight into each other's eyes. Edward he reached forward and tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. A loud crash came from outside.

Riley was here. Jasper heard the crash and was up. Alice followed him.

"This stops now. I am calling the police,." I said with every ounce of resolve in my body.

I opened the door. I yelled. "Riley? I am calling the police now."

"Go ahead, bitch. I will tell them how you have been giving me drugs," he yelled.

I dialed 911.

"You think your new boy toy will protect you?" Riley screamed . Granny was coming down the hall now.

"911 state your emergency," said the operator.

"My ex-boyfriend has hit me several times tonight. He threatened me with a machete and locked me in his apartment. I got away but he followed me. He is here and threatening to hurt us. Please, please, please help me," Saying all this caused the one thing I never wanted to happen in front of my new friends—I broke down.

The sad thing was Riley was out there and I needed to protect these people from him. I handed the phone to Alice. I stepped on to the porch. "Why can't we just be over Riley? Look at me, look at what you did to me over a note!" I felt someone step behind me.

"A note? A NOTE? I have been here all night. I watched you two on the porch. I watched you watch a movie. I have been watching you. This is about you being a fucking whore!" He picked up a board and threw it toward us and the house. It hit the porch. _God, please don't let Granny have a heart attack from this._

"Riley, I just want us to be over, please don't do this," I begged as neighbors were watching from the windows.

"No, it doesn't work that way, smarty pants. We aren't over until I say we are. Not because you go out and fuck somebody because you are so fat I won't touch you."

I gasped, I didn't want Edward to think the same way of me. I felt Edward shift behind me.

"What the hell is your problem, man?" Edward yelled to Riley.

"Oh what Bella, you afraid to talk to me? You want someone else to stand up for you. You aren't worth all this. Dude, you will see. She isn't worth it. She is dumb as shit." Edward was clenching his fist. "And she is so fat, nobody will fucking touch her, but she can suck a cock, I will give her that." I knew Riley was just trying to humiliate me in front of Edward, Granny, and everyone.

"Riley, don't do this."

"Do what, Bella, you don't want him and Granny to know all your little secrets?" I could hear sirens.

"Riley, I am done with you. I am done with this."

He ran toward the porch and grabbed his board. He repeatedly hit my car. The windshield, the headlights, the hood. Edward didn't stop him. Instead, Edward reached to me. He looked at me, and said, "I am so proud of you," as the cops pulled into the drive.

Two policemen got out of the car with their guns drawn on him. As a last measure, he threw the board at us again. He took off running down the street, but they caught him in a matter of steps.

I sank to my knees,my legs just too tired to hold my body any longer. They led Riley back to the patrol car. He looked me in the eyes and said the one thing that he knew would crumble my resolve, the one thing that he had never said before.

"Bella, I love you." And they pushed him into the car.

"We can hold him on the malicious damage to property and trespassing for now. But I see there maybe other charges, do you want to make a statement now?" The officer asked me.

I looked up at him. I couldn't understand anything after Riley told me he loved me. He had never said those words to me before.

"You need to get her some medical attention now. She is in shock, but she has suffered some obvious trauma to her face and head," the officer continued. I heard him talking, but I couldn't process the words. "Do you want us to dispatch an ambulance?"

"No, Granny, can you give me directions to the Emergency Room?" Edward asked Granny.

"Hell no, son. I am riding with you," she said. I could hear her mumbling as she turned around into the house.

Alice was talking to the police officer. "Bella, they need your contact information."

"It's in my car. I need to get it." I knew I needed to walk near Riley to get my purse. I needed to do this. I shook my head. I stood up. I walked slowly, I could feel their eyes on me. I took each step slowly, staring ahead at Riley in the car, between the porch lights, headlights and breaking dawn I could see his eyes. I stepped closer. I turned to my car. He knew I loved that car. I had worked so hard for it.

I looked back at him. And he mouthed those tortuous words again. I heard Alice yell, "No Bella, that's not love."

I looked back at my car and back to Alice. Edward was coming toward me. I watched Alice stop him. It felt like the entire world was waiting on me to respond. I took a deep breath. I thought about Riley. I thought about Riley having gone through all this shit with his dad, I thought about Riley having to drop out of high school to help his Grandmother, I thought about Riley kissing me until I couldn't breathe right. I felt my shoulders drop. I took another deep breath as I thought about Riley actually loving me. I thought about what love meant to him. I thought about what love meant to me. I looked back to Edward and Alice and now Granny was standing there, too.

I opened the door and got my purse. I thought about that machete. I thought about duct tape. I thought about being scared. I thought about me.

I turned to Riley, who was still looking at me and smirking. I took a step toward him. And I lifted my middle finger on my right hand and said, "I don't love you anymore."

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><p>RECS:<p>

Comfortable by aidanmomma

Best Laid Plans by Graymatters

When Life Gives You Lemons, Eat Them by DreamersDaze

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	12. Chapter 12

SM owns Twilight.

Special thanks to: Cullen Confection and Graymatters Fanfiction for making my words and tenses so much better.

Love to: ButterflyBetty Cullen and SweetPoeticJustic for loving my characters even when I second guess them.

My song muse has left me for this chapter, but I did not want to hold up posting while I waited for a song.

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><p>Chapter 12<p>

Granny, Alice, Jasper, 'Edmund', and I rode in Granny's Caprice Classic to the police station. I felt surprisingly empty after telling Riley that I did not love him. I wanted to feel like a burden had been lifted. I wanted to feel angry. I wanted to feel sad. I wanted to feel. Instead, I was just empty and tired. All five of us piled out of the car and I could only imagine how we looked. Edward and I surely looked like we had been awake for days.

We walked in together and they led me back to a room where it was just one officer and me. I didn't want Granny to know everything that had happened. I certainly didn't want Edward to realize how damaged I was. After I finished, the officer left me alone for a few moments. I tried to think if I had left anything out, but I was so tired and drained that my brain was starting to shut down.

Officer Carmen told me they would charge Riley with Assault with a Deadly Weapon in a High and Aggravated Manner and Kidnapping. The Kidnapping charge would be a felony. I understood what this meant. He assured me that unless Riley posted bail, he would remain in jail until the trial. He gave me the name of the State's attorney and told me she would be calling within a week. I wondered what I could do to drop the charges.

As if reading my mind he told me, "You have to understand, _you_ are not charging Mr. Biers with any crime against you, the State is doing that. You cannot drop these charges. You are, however, our key witness. Without your testimony, all we have is your statement. However, we can subpoena you."

"I understand." I said to him.

"Do you? Miss Swan, we Riley Biers in custody because of you. Do you understand what that means to this town? Do you know what you have done? This town should give you a medal." Officer Carmen was looking at me as if I was a hero.

"I deserved it. Every bit of it," I whispered to him.

"Are you saying he hit you in self-defense?"

"No, sir."

"Are you saying that you drew a weapon on him to make him bring out a machete and threaten you with it?"

"N-No sir."

"Are you saying you punched him first and he punched you back, and that is why you have a black eye and swollen jaw? Are saying perhaps you grabbed him hard enough to bruise his arms and wrists?"

"Why are you doing this to me? I didn't do anything to him," I all but yelled to the man.

"Just trying to make you say it. Now, head over to urgent care. Don't forget to make them give you something to help with sleep."

I left holding some papers. Granny asked if I was ok when I walked out from the back.

"Granny, I think I will be just fine."

"Why didn't those cops want you to call Renee?"

"They said I didn't have too because I am over 18. Granny, you know how she is. She will overreact and all of a sudden try to take care of me," I said to her. I noticed I was talking more with my hands than normal and I realized I was agitated.

"Let's just go get this doctor's visit over with. Wait. Why don't I take you guys back to Granny's, and you can get some rest while I go to the doctor," I suggested to everyone.

"Bella, don't you want us there for support?" Alice asked.

"Alice, I just want to put today behind me. And when I get back we can enjoy my beach!" I said to her.

I drove them back to Granny's and made sure Granny got back into the house safely. "I will be back shortly guys!" I called as I walked back out. I tried to ignore the signs of the beating my car took as I approached it. I would probably have to work a month or more to pay for all that to be fixed.

I slid in behind the driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition when I felt a hand slide over mine. My heart skipped a beat in fear. My first thought was Riley -how had he gotten out already? Officer Carmen told me he wouldn't be out yet. I had to get him away from this house with Granny and my friends in it.

"What are you doing?" a familiar deep voice asked me.

"What the fuck, Edward? You scared the shit out of me." I said to him, adrenaline causing me to yell out.

"You can't drive. You've had no sleep, you've been through hell, and you know they're going to give you meds. Hell, you're probably going to ply them into giving you more meds than you need. Now, give me the keys."

"Fuck me to tears, Edward Cullen!" I got out of the car and stormed around to the other side. He had already climbed over into the driver's seat.

"Brown Eyes, look at me."

"Fuck no."

"Brown Eyes, look at me."

"Go away."

"Brown Eyes, look at me."

"Just drive."

"Brown Eyes, for the love of all that is holy, look at me." He was just staring at me.

"What, Edward? I just needed a few minutes. This is a lot to process, you know? And God knows I love Granny, but imagine going through all this in front of your grandmother. I mean Riley practically told the neighborhood I was his whore, and I never even slept with him." Could I not control my word vomit around this kid?

"Bella, seriously, I would much rather go through this in front of Granny than my grandmother. Granny is one cool chick!"

"Just go, or we will never get back. I'm fine, although some Ambien may help me sleep through some of this." I couldn't figure out why I was treating Edward so cold. He had done nothing wrong. He was being cool.

We arrived at Urgent Care and just like Officer Carmen told me, they asked if I had reported what had happened to the police, and at one point, they were rude to Edward. I guessed they thought it was his fault. I could only imagine what they thought of me, being beat up by one guy and walking in with another.

After a thorough examination, the doctor reported that the only lasting physical damage was two cracked teeth and more bruises and scrapes than I could count. And Gah, every muscle in my body was sore. I received a prescription for Flexeral for the sore muscles, Xanax for the panic attacks, Ambien for sleep and the number to a therapist later and then we were on our way.

As we dropped off my prescriptions at the drug store, we realized it was only 8:30 in the morning.

"Man, I am starving," Edward said as he drove the car according to my directions.

"You feel like a biscuit or something?" I asked him. "Wow, if Alice and Jasper were with us I would take you to the Biscuit Shack or Teddy's, but I guess we can just get something quick and take it back to Granny's."

"You love this place don't you?"

"Edward, it's my home. That ocean makes me feel at peace with the world. I mean you can go there with the weight of the world on your shoulders and spend ten minutes listening to the waves crash and feel better. Wanna go?" I asked him, I knew my eyes were begging him to say yes. I didn't know if he realized he was about to see a part of my soul.

Growing up at the beach, the ocean became a part of you. I knew he saw the light in my eyes. "Absofuckinlutely. Best idea ever. Which way?"

I laughed and pointed. He pulled into the beach access parking area. I noticed it was high tide when we walked toward the beach. The waves were lapping against the stairway that would lead us down to the ocean. We stood on the stairs where the waves would not reach us. Edward stood behind me. He rested his hand on my lower back. I didn't know how long he stood there with me. But it was long enough to feel like the ocean had renewed me and gave me some strength.

Edward's stomach growled loud enough to break me from my reverie. "Damn, you really are hungry," I said and we both laughed. I noticed my muscles getting more and more sore as the minutes passed and I was getting closer to being tired. I knew if I took the Ambien, I would miss seeing my friends the entire day and my sleep pattern for the weekend would be screwed.

We drove through McDonalds and bought food for everyone. As we drove back to Granny's, I wanted to tell Edward something.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" he asked me with a grin.

"I'm sorry I s-snapped earlier. I am just tired and I am sorry."

"Don't worry, Brown Eyes. I think we all need a little nap."

"You kept your promise to me," I mumbled. "You promised to keep me safe, I mean you gave me strength being here," I said and rested my head back on the headrest.

I knew there was a lot to deal with, but I just wanted to rest. Granny was watching a _Matlock_ marathon when we arrived back at her house. Alice was asleep in one chair and Jasper was asleep on the couch. Granny was sitting in the chair closest to the TV with the volume so low, it was crazy.

"Granny, you will not wake them up if you want to turn tv up," I told her.

"Well, I was trying to not be rude. Did you get me one of those country ham and biscuits from McDonalds?" she asked me.

"Of course, I did, Granny. I got extra ketchup and napkins for your stash, too," I teased her.

"I thought after you and Edmund got some rest, we could go to the grocery and get some t-bones and you could grill for your friends. All of them look like they have never eaten. Then you take them up to the rides. I done called and got them to hold you some ride tickets. You know Mr. Ernest up there is sweet on me?" She winked at 'Edmund' when she said that.

If Granny liked someone, she fed them. If she loved someone, she fed them steaks, if she adored them, she called in favors. Alice, Jasper, and Edward were her new grandchildren.

"But you need to call Renee." She gave me a look of warning.

She was right, but I needed to rest first.

"Edward, you can lay down in the guest bedroom if you want. I am going to take some medicine and lay down in my room and then call my mom." I decided the muscle relaxer was my safest bet. Codeine had a tendency to make me dream, so the pain pills were not the best option. The Ambien would knock me out, so I decided I just needed to relax and for once my muscles really did need it.

I laid down on my bed and tried to breathe, I rolled on my side and tried to rest. I thought about going to the rides in a few hours. I loved the Pavilion. I loved the smell of the food, and the vendors trying to get your attention, the lights, the sounds. I slowly fell asleep. I could see the demons coming though and I would jolt myself awake. Then I would lose the battle again. I went through this countless times until I couldn't escape the dream. And then, he was there.

I must have screamed in my sleep. I must have been fighting in my sleep. As I woke up, I heard myself saying, "Please don't hurt me."

"I wouldn't hurt you. You gotta believe it's me. It's ok." Edward was rocking me and holding me. _Would I have nightmares forever?_

"Can you just hold me while I sleep?" I asked him. I didn't care if Granny was watching, I didn't care if he was tired. I just wanted him awake to watch me, to hold me.

"I will be here."

I slept without dreaming. I awoke several hours later with a sleeping, drool-covered Edward beside me. Oh hell, that was nasty. I kinda giggled under my breath, even though it was my own drool. I slid off the bed and went into the kitchen, and told Granny it was time to call Renee.

The phone rang twice.

"Mom."

"Hey, Bella. Are you at Granny's?"

"Yeah, some friends from the college came to stay the weekend with me so I could so show them the beach."

"Well, that's good. Hopefully, you will find a cute boy to replace that Riley guy. You know I don't like him."

"I wanted to tell you that he and I got into a fight. And I had him arrested."

Renee was silent for a minute. "Well, I have been telling you he is no good. But you wouldn't listen to me. I guess you had to learn the hard way."

"Since you asked though, I am fine now, I have been to Urgent Care and I may have a couple of cracked teeth but other than that, just some bruises."

"I am sure it isn't that bad. Do you need me to come check on you? I have some plans but I can come there."

"I have these friends here, but I will be home on Monday. Will you be there?" I asked her.

"I don't have any plans yet, but that may change. You know how Phil is so spontaneous," she replied to me.

"I need to go," I told her, as the conversation was going the way I needed it to.

I hung up and walked out to find my friends awake out on the front porch smoking. I knew I still needed to talk with Granny.

"Girl, your mama has always put herself first. That ain't ever going to change. You been taking care of her long enough to know that. Just give her some time and she will remember what she needs to do," Granny said to me. "I want you to have fun with your friends today. I will be here when you get back. And that bedroom door stays open, you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," I replied.

I joined Edward, Alice, and Jasper outside. Edward immediately lit a cigarette for me. I told them the plans Granny had for us and about going to the rides, which was what we locals called the Pavilion. We talked about food. We talked about things teenagers talk about. I still sat with my back against the wall though.

We had a blast shopping for the steaks. I did not run into anyone that Riley knew or that knew me and that was a plus. We came back and grilled and smoked and talked and laughed. And it was okay. Edward was trying to set the table. He opened a drawer and pulled out Granny's butcher knife. I froze, then I took a step back, which landed me straight into Jasper, which made me scream. Edward didn't realize what was going on. He stepped toward the table to put the knife down, but that also meant it was a step closer to me.

I shrank back from him and slid down to my knees. I was crying. He walked around the table with the knife still in hand, trying to keep an eye on me. He saw me watching the blade. He immediately placed it on the table and held up his hands, almost like he surrendered. He tried to reach out to me but I pulled away. "I can't do this. I can't."

I was still on my knees sobbing when Alice came to me. "Bella, look at me, its Alice. Edward will not hurt you. You are safe. You are safe. Riley is in jail. Repeat what I have told you."

I repeated her words, but I didn't mean them.

"Say it again," she said as she reached for my hands.

"E-Edward will not hurt me." I said and looked up at him and I could see how much my rejection pained him. "I am safe." I kept my eyes on him. "Riley is in jail," I whispered and that brought on more tears.

"Bella, stop expecting yourself to be normal today, this will take time to get over. Honestly, you will probably never be able to be around large knives without thinking of him. But it will get easier. I promise that. You just can't think that you will be better immediately. I know," Alice said.

I tried to breathe through the panic attack. It was not helping.

"Get her the panic medicine," Alice said to Jasper.

He handed her a bottle and she gave me a pill. I took it. "It's ok. I promise. We would be more worried about you if this didn't happen," she reassured me.

My chest hurt. My head hurt.

I looked to Edward who appeared completely dejected. That was when I knew I could never be with him. I was too messed up. Riley had destroyed everything that was human in me.

I didn't even know if it was a good or bad thing to know that I was this fucked up. But I knew that if I led Edward on, I would destroy him, just like Riley had done to me. I could see how much damage I had already done to Edward. The guilt of simply holding a knife was weighing on him, like he had just fucked my best friend.

I knew I had a part to play for the rest of the weekend. I was good at this. I knew how to act.

We ate heartily. I had no clue how hungry I was or how good those steaks were going to be. I explained to my company where we were going and we were excited.

When we arrived at the Pavilion, I reached in my purse and decided I needed to be numb to continue to treat Edward like he didn't matter to me. I couldn't keep hurting him, not matter how much I needed him.

I chose my pill wisely and offered some to my guests, all the while Edward was watching me. I watched closely what he personally chose. I could tell a lot about a person from how they chose to feel.

Xanax and Ativan took away fears and lowered inhibitions but didn't make you feel out of control. Vicodin was to numb you on a mild level, anybody serious about prescription drugs knows this was for beginners or a light buzz. Darvocet, Percocet, or Lortab made you feel 'loopy' and made you just want to take in the scenery if you could get past the itching. Too much codeine would make you itch. Flexeral, the muscle relaxer, did exactly that, made you feel relaxed, you were still in control but your reflexes were a tad bit slower and a lot funnier. The catch was not to take so much it made you sleepy, because unless you want to pass out, that was never the point.

Alice – two Xanax and a Vicodin.

Jasper – nada, our driver, good man.

Edward – looked up at me and grabbed an Oxycontin. He was mimicking me. Once you made it past the 'I am so sleepy I am going to hurt you if you don't let me rest' phase, Oxy was nice, except the itching. The lights were brighter, the sounds were muted. The people were funnier.

My natural imbalance caused me to stumble into him several times. He just laughed and helped me straighten my walk. We rode rides but he kept his distance. I didn't know if he was reacting to me, or if that was just what he was feeling. The thing about Oxy, it made it where I didn't care too much. The Pavilion had the cheesiest haunted house on the face of the planet. You sat in the cars that rode you along a jerky track and you looked at stupid, not so scary, scenes.

Alice and Jasper were in the car in front of us and they started kissing like crazy. Edward put his arm around the back of my seat, but not really around me.

"You know this is hard on me," I told him.

"Stop pretending I'm not here," was his simple reply.

"I don't want to hurt you and right now, that is all I will do."

"Brown Eyes, stop trying to take care of everybody else. Let's just enjoy the night. No pressure." He said as he tucked hair behind my ear, and I leaned into his hand. I kissed his wrist. We both knew it was the Oxy. We stared at each other. I was so stupid.

Of course, we could see Alice and Jasper in front of us making out like crazy and they were completely caught off guard by the part where the cart went back outside into the public view for about thirty seconds. I tried to warn them, but they just ignored me. Edward was laughing as I whispered in his ear what was about to happen.

"You guys might want to cool it down up there." Edward yelled.

Jasper responded with a raised middle finger and I thought Alice may have been giving him a hand job.

The doors to the window slammed opened. The light from outside shocked them both. Yep, I was right about the hand job. Jasper began to rapidly adjust himself and stuff himself back in his pants and Alice kept her head turned.

Edward and I were laughing so hard we nearly fell out of the cart. Tears were streaming down my face; I hadn't laughed so hard in days. "That was crazy. Did you see how fast they moved?" Edward said through uncontrolled laughter.

"Oh my God, that was ridiculous!" I replied. Edward had calmed down and I was trying to steady my breaths.

We stepped off the ride and Edward held his hand out to help me out of the cart. I hesitated, but grudgingly accepted it. He had said no pressure. Tonight would just be tonight.

We walked along the boardwalk, and stepped down to my ocean. She was rough tonight.

"Hey, Brown Eyes?"

"Yeah?"

"I see why you love the beach. It's amazing."

I smiled because I was happy that he could see the beauty in the sea.

He returned my smile with one of his own. "But just so know, it's your smile that I think makes this place so awesome."

My smile disappeared. "You can't say things like that to me, Edward."

"I can, if you will let me." He said and reached for my chin. He was staring right into my eyes, straight into my soul. "Will you let me kiss you tonight?" He kept staring at me and waiting for my answer.

I couldn't stop the answer, because I couldn't stop myself from wanting it more than anything. "Yes."

He tugged my chin down just enough to part my lips and slowly brought his lips to mine. He lightly sucked on my bottom lip. And then, he gently pulled away.

"Thank you." I said to him.

"No pressure."

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><p>***SOAPBOX AN****

Just because a doctor prescribes medication doesn't make it any better to abuse it. It happens and it is as real issue especially for teenagers who think it is safer because it comes from a doctor. It is still illegal if it isn't prescribed for you and you take it incorrectly, just like smoking a joint, you can still go to jail.

******END SOAP BOX*******

I want to thank all the readers who have reached out to me with their personal stories, it means the world to me that you are sharing with me and that you are reading this story.

Thank you for the reviews, I try to respond to all of them and I am sorry if I haven't gotten to yours, I know I am a little behind. Please let me know what you think of the story, I could use the inspiration, if you are so inclined.


	13. Chapter 13

SM owns it, but apparently it bears repeating.

Cullen Confection and Graymatters Fanfiction make my words so much better. And the support from SweetPoeticJustice and ButterflyBetty Cullen astounds me. Please so the ladies love by reading their wonderful works.

I am utter fail at review replies, but I am on it now, I promise!

Song: Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi

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><p>Chapter 13<p>

Jasper drove us back to Granny's. We were all tired of fighting the sleep that was threatening to overtake us from the pills. I sat in the back with Edward. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't have to drive. It was kinda fun to let someone else take charge. I wondered what Riley was doing as I stared out the window.

I thought Edward felt me drift away from him. He reached over and placed his hand on my leg. I was used to this. I knew that guys needed something from you so that they won't leave you. What could I give Edward? Why would he even want to stay around? Could I keep Edward around if I gave into him enough? I didn't have Riley anymore. I needed someone. I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own. If Edward knew everything about me, he would leave me in a second.

My head was spinning with all these thoughts. One second, I wanted to run away and hide from Edward, the next I wanted to curl up beside him and let him protect me. Why would he even want to protect me? I was staring at him. He had not moved his hand. He was not trying to move it higher on my thigh, even though my shorts gave him permission. He just left it there while he rested his head on the back of the seat.

"Penny for your thoughts." He said raising one eyebrow and opening one eye, as he smirked toward me.

"They aren't worth that much."

"I don't know, I would kinda like to hear them." He said.

Alice was asleep in the front seat. I caught Jasper's eye as I looked into the rearview mirror, he was trying to not listen to Edward and I, but he couldn't help it. "You are pretty cool, you know that?" I said to Edward. "I can't seem to imagine you and your friends just coming down to see me."

"Brown Eyes, sometimes you don't have a choice with people." When he said that line he looked at me, but he also looked at Jasper and they exchanged a nod. I knew there was something there but it wasn't my business.

"Well, I am glad you guys 'chose' to come down and see me. I don't know what I would have done without you… and Alice and Jasper," I added Alice and Jasper almost as an afterthought.

"You have no fucking clue how strong you are, do you?" He said. "Bella, the demons I have seen you battle this weekend are huge. You did it, not me, not Alice, not Granny. You. You called the cops. You took control."

My mind drifted to how well he was handling the medicine. I knew there was a story, nobody handles Oxy like he was without experience. I noticed we had pulled into Granny's and Jasper had turned the car off and was actually outside smoking. That dude was going to be one hell of a friend, but way too damn quiet. He needed to learn to make some noise.

I needed a cigarette or six. I climbed out and sat on the hood of Granny's car. She would kill me if she saw this. So I got down and sat on the steps with Edward and Jasper. "Jasper?"

"Yes, Bella-Bella" he smiled.

I smiled back because that was still funny and his Texan drawl was so hot. He knew that shit, you could tell it by the way he smiled.

"What brought you to my beach?"

"Why, Bella you ask such silly questions. I would follow Alice to Kalamazoo if she asked me."

"Are you trying to say you didn't have a choice?" I asked him, as I stared at Edward.

"Well, you could say that from a certain point of view." He said with a wink as he made another Star Wars reference. Jasper knew I was trying to figure out why Edward came. He pulled out his cigarette again and I noticed it wasn't a cigarette at all, but a pipe. I turned my head to the side as I watched him. It was a small pipe for pot made to look like a cigarette that apparently held a really small amount of weed.

"Hey E, did you get those show tickets for July?" Jasper asked Edward.

"I am still working on Carlisle and Esme. You know they are riding me hard after last semester. I can get the tickets, I just don't know if I can get the time. Alice is the one who convinced Esme to let me come here." I listened to the conversation for information I was not privy too.

Jasper handed the cigarette pipe to Edward. "It would be sweet to hear Jerry at RFK though. I think Dylan will be there," Edward said, as he smoked the pipe.

"Well, maybe if you play your cards right for the next few weeks, they will let you go." Jasper said.

Edward just nodded and handed the pipe to me. I looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Umm, seriously 'pill queen, pot virgin'," I said, which caused Edward to lose all the smoke he was holding in and choke with laughter. I swear he coughed for a minute. He face was bright red and Jasper and I were laughing at him on pure principle at this point.

"If you can smoke a cigarette, you can hit this." He said offering it to me again. "It might help you sleep and take the damn itch away from that Oxy. Trust me on this. I got you."

I did exactly what he said. He even lit the pipe as I inhaled. I nearly coughed out my lungs after 'hitting' it twice. Jasper broke the spell surrounding me and Edward, when he said, "It was a lot sexier when it was you and Alice."

"I bet," was all I could say. My world was slowing down. I looked over at Edward and he just handed me a cigarette without me even asking. Then he stood up and I missed him. I was so sad that he was walking away. I knew that I was being silly, but I felt like he was abandoning me. I watched as he walked to the car and grabbed a bottle of water. How did he know I was that thirsty? I must have had it written all over my face.

"You thirsty, Brown Eyes?" I watched Jasper wave his hand at Edward and then shake his head no. I was about to get pissed because I thought he was telling Edward not to give me the water. "Don't tease, E. Not this time." Jasper said it and sounded so wise. Damn, I was high.

"You're right. Sorry," he said as he handed me the sweet nectar. I drank the clear elixir like it was medicine from God. I finished over half the bottle before I took a break. The three of us sat on Granny's steps and talked about nothing in particular for another three cigarettes.

"I guess, I better take sleeping beauty inside. " Jasper said to us.

"You need some help?" Edward asked

"Nah, you got one of your own to handle." Jasper said, as he pointed to me.

I hadn't realized that over the course of the last few minutes, I had allowed my head to rest on his shoulder. Riley would not have tolerated this for a second, and as soon as I realized what I was doing, I jerked my head up. "I-I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize how tired I was."

Edward started laughing. I wasn't sure if he was laughing at me or what was about to happen. But I knew that Riley would laugh at me sarcastically whenever I had embarrassed him in front of his friends. Damn it. I was always letting my guard down around Edward. I knew it was going to bite me in the ass soon.

Edward lifted both hands at the same time. I knew he was coming toward me. I scrambled to get away. I put my arms up over my face. "I am so sorry. I swear, I just didn't realize how tired I was." I pleaded, waiting for him to strike me. When I turned my head to face him, I realized who I was looking at and he was just staring at me.

I had done it again. I had just proven that to him that I was so far from normal that he would never want me around. The way he looked at me was so filled with pity it fueled my anger. I didn't need his pity "Sorry." I said.

"Bella, stop apologizing for everything. I was not going to hit you. Damn, this shit is fucked up." He stood up from the steps. I knew he was getting ready to walk away from me. "I know you don't know me, but please try to remember, I am not _him_. No matter what, I WILL NOT HIT YOU."

"I know, Edward. I know. It's just something I am so used too. It's like I can't shake it. It is almost like being with someone who hits me, is easier than being with someone who doesn't. At least I know what to expect." I tried to explain it.

"Bella, I don't know how in this world to make you understand that being hit is not normal." He said as he put his hand through his hair.

"I don't know either. I just need some time, and I can't pretend to ask you to wait for me."

"Brown Eyes, we are friends. I will be there for you." And he had just confirmed for me that he wanted nothing more from me, at least for now.

"I understand. I better head to bed. What time are you guys heading out tomorrow?"

"No, you don't understand. I can hear it in your voice. Bella, I have been calling you every day for a week, I rode four hours with Alice and Jasper to spend a weekend with your Grandmother just to see you again. Don't you get it?"

I shook my head no. He stood up in front of me and started pacing the slab of concrete leading to the steps.

"I am not a sixteen year old with a crush on you. I know what you just got out of; hell, I am not even certain you are done. I thought Irina was done." He mumbled the last part to himself. "But I am putting myself at risk here because I know you are worth it, and I will make you believe you are worth it, if not for me than for the next lucky son of a bitch who you are willing to trust."

I was drawn to him. My heart was aching to be healed. His gentle touch was so new to me, that it was hard to understand. I didn't understand gentle. If I was honest, I didn't know if gentle would even excite me.

"Come back with us?" He asked.

"No." I just said it. I didn't think there were so many things that used to keep me here. Well, really only one and now, that was gone. I hadn't even had time to think about it. I knew I needed to fix my car, pack, and tell work.

"Damn it! So, this was for nothing?" He asked me. "Balls in your court, Bella, you know where I stand." He said as he walked past me up the stairs and into the house.

I destroyed everything I touched. I knew at the start of this night that I would hurt him and that is what I did. I berated myself for not sticking with my plan. My mind was all over the place. I pulled out another smoke and sat there as I inhaled and I thought. I thought about how Renee wasn't here and she had pushed me to Riley, but I couldn't blame her, I liked how Riley made me feel alive, at first. I thought about how I had taken advantage of Granny. I stood up and turned around to see Edward had never gone into the house.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"What I seem to be doing a lot of lately, waiting for you."

"I don't deserve you." I told him.

"I am not asking for you to hand me your heart tonight, Bella. I don't want to be a rebound and I know it's unfair to even tell you all this less than 24 hours after the shit with fuckface, but I want to spend time with you and I want to get to know you better. Can we start with that?"

"OK. But you have to answer some questions, too."

"That's fine but you have to ask them."

"What concert are we going to?" I asked him.

He doubled over laughing, expelling a huge breath. "That is your first question? I know you have others, and you want to know the concert we were talking about? It's the Dead at RFK Stadium in July in Washington DC. With Bob Dylan. You gotta come with me, Brown Eyes. Oh my God, you, the Dead, and Dylan, I would be in heaven. The scene is surreal. The people, Bella, are like nothing you have ever seen before."

I could see his eyes light up when he talked about music. I was good at learning and watching for people's deflectors and diffusers. With Riley, it was drugs, his religion or sex, and to a much lesser extent music. But here I was putting Edward in the abuser category again.

"So does this mean you will go with us?"

"Yeah, I will. I need to get moved in and I think I can get packed up this week and move on the weekend, if I had some help. That would give me about a month to work and save money for tickets. And I need to pay for Alex to be repaired," I gestured to my car.

"Yes!" He stepped toward me and kissed my not so bruised cheek. He grabbed my hand and made me twirl as if we were dancing.

"So, it's my turn again to ask another question."

"What? It's my turn." He said like a three year old.

"Nope. You asked if I was going with you."

"You are sneaky. And that is not really fair." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ok, but just this once. And we each get one skip."

I sat down on the chair expecting a crazy hard question. He sat down next to me. "You gonna let me kiss you again…tonight?"

"Is that your question?"

"Do you want that to be my question?" He asked, as the tension on the porch kicked up ten notches.

The intoxication from the pills and the pot was gone, so this was truly him asking to kiss me. And I briefly wondered if he realized that. I slid out of the chair on to my knees and turned so I was forcing myself between his legs. I was facing him and he was almost eye level with me from the way he was sitting on the porch chair. I leaned toward him and he met me halfway. He put his hand at the base of my neck and lifted my chin. He came toward me with his mouth closed and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. I sucked slightly on his top lip, inviting him to do more.

He smiled into the kiss and opened his soft lips. I smiled in response. He gently pushed his tongue past my teeth and into my mouth. It was a sweet invitation. He mouth was hot and wet. One hand was tracing my jawline, while the other still cupped my neck. He pulled back from the kiss. And ended it with another chaste kiss to my lips.

"Perfect answer." He said as he reached to light a cigarette.

I sat back and watched him inhale and exhale. He looked toward me again and said, "Your turn."

I knew that there were two things I needed to know about Edward that I didn't know yet. And I needed to find them out in one question. He was either going to give me the story, or answer in one word.

"What does Irina have to do with last semester?"

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><p>I think Edward may have a chapter coming up. Let me know if you are ready to hear his side of things.<p>

Recs:

Strawberry Wine by kas90

and Edward Cullen A Work in Progress by Tufano97


	14. Chapter 14

SM owns I just took out their sharp teeth…

Special love to Cullen Confection, Graymatters, Momoffour Luvntwisaga, Sweet Poetic Justice, Butterfly Betty Cullen.

Song: Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones

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><p>Ch 14<p>

EPOV

"What happened last semester with Irina?" she asked me.

I should pass on this question. I was not ready to talk about this with her. Alice and Jasper only knew because I got too drunk one night. Damn, I knew I was taking too long to answer. I looked up at her, then down at the ground.

"Brown Eyes, you are really smart, do you know that?"

"I know you don't want to answer my question," she responded as she took a drag off of her cigarette. She didn't have on an ounce of makeup to cover her bruises anymore and yet, she was simply beautiful.

"I want to tell you all you want to know about me, but there is a lot to that story and you have asked a huge question. How about if we come back to it once I get my courage up?" I offered.

Bella nodded and I felt myself relax. "Wanna go somewhere with me?" she asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up.

"Tonight, right now?"

"Yeah, why not? You leave in the morning and we need to talk; we have about two hours before they will miss us. I know a place."

We got back in the car and Bella backed out slowly. "Well, since you paused that question, I guess it's your turn."

"Ok, how about what's up with Granny—why do you stay with her?"

"Granny is diabetic. She wears contacts and needs them taken out and cleaned every other day. Last year she had her leg amputated and it got infected. I had to clean the wound a lot. She also manages the housing complex she lives in. In order for her to keep that income, I have to do the books. Since she is blind, she can't drive or pay her bills. My mom works out of town and is only home on the weekends so it helps both Granny and Renee if I stay here. Then I met Riley, and he lived here."

I looked at her as she rattled off her story. "And you work?"

"Yeah, I was waiting tables until recently."

I rubbed my face. I was amazed at the girl beside me. Here I was bitching to Carlisle and Esme that I was having to work during the summer and Brown Eyes was busting her ass to hold down a job, go to school, take care of Granny and deal with Riley all at the same time.

"How did you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?" she asked, like her schedule was the same as every kid in America.

"You are kidding right, Bella? Seriously, you've been doing the bookkeeping on the complex where Granny lives that has around 30 houses. You keep track of Granny's meds and doctors and all her appointments, you were working a part-time job, you told me you graduated fourth in your class from high school, and in the mean time you were juggling Riley's needs? How in hell did you do it?"

"It's my turn to ask questions," she deflected. She had driven us to a pier. She climbed out and said, "Follow me."

"This is where I come to think. If you sit at the very end, you can feel the current move the pier. And at night, it's so dark, you can't tell where the sky ends and the ocean begins." She looked out over the water. Her face looked peaceful. She looked serene, even though she had been through hell in the last twenty-four hours.

We walked. Well, I walked and Bella stumbled. The unevenness of the planks gave her hell but it gave me an excuse to touch her. I placed my hand on her back and around her waist and was thrilled when she didn't move away. I hadn't yet figured out which movements would scare her. I knew at first Jasper had to be very slow but purposeful with Alice. And with Irina, I just didn't pay attention. Bella was different though. I could feel it in my heart.

"So, will you answer my question now?" she asked, her voice small and uncertain as though she expected me to refuse again.

The truth was I still wanted to refuse, but I knew I had to tell her. "Brown Eyes, will you hear me out, all the way through?"

"Edward, I have to explain things myself so let's just start and see where we stand at the end of all this. But I feel like you are hiding something from me, like something big, not just those little things that couples find out about each other as they get to know each other."

I took a deep breath and began my story. "Yeah, so you know last year I went to a different college?"

She sat down as we came to a bench on the pier. She tried to light a cigarette but the wind was not helping. I smirked at how she didn't know to cup her hand against the wind yet. I held my hands around the smoke and lighter, creating a wind shield.

"Yeah, I assumed as much," she nodded her head thanking me.

"I dated this girl, Irina, in high school but we were on again off again. And during one of our off periods, she hooked up with a guy like Riley." I searched her eyes for something, some change of emotion, but there was nothing. She just took another drag off her cigarette.

"She would date him and then come to me covered in bruises. I would get so upset, but she would beg me just to hold her and not touch him. Then a week later, she would leave me and go back to him. She did this a few times."

"Well, Bella I have a temper. And I can keep it in check most of the time. But Irina got the best of me. She used me against the dude she was dating. I thought I meant something to her but when I found out she was just stringing me along, I lost it." She was still not showing me any emotion.

"I tried so hard to show her that she didn't have to live like that. But one night I couldn't handle the yo-yo, back and forth any more. We were arguing, and I threw a glass at the wall near where she was standing and I punched the door. She called the police on me, Bella. Not on the douche that was hitting her, but on _me_."

"Things just got worse from there, Bella, I started partying ALL the time. I barely passed my classes. My mom and dad demanded that I come home and go to the University for the next year." I finished speaking, afraid to look at her, scared of what I'd see in her eyes. Would I see revulsion? Anger? Fear?

"So you have been hiding your temper and the fact that you know how to party from me?" She took a drag off her cigarette and smiled, almost sounding amused. "I mean, I know there are a ton of details, but I was expecting you to say you killed a chick or something. Edward, I can look at you and tell you have a good heart, you are so calm. You make me feel peace. Do you know that is not a feeling I truly understood until I spent time alone with you?"

I look at her in wonder. "I can't imagine not knowing that feeling." I admitted shaking my head.

"Edward, I come from a different world than you. I can look at you and see that. I know what it is like to eat the same meal for days because Renee couldn't afford food after Charlie left. I don't know what it is like to not worry about something or somebody."

"You know we are just kids, right? This is supposed to be fun," I asked her. I just wanted to hold her in that moment.

"Don't you dare feel pity for me! I have done ok. I worked hard for that scholarship. I turned down a full ride to the local college here. I knew I had to be better than this place and the people here. I did what I had to do. But don't you, for one second, feel pity." She said all this with her face to the ocean. I wondered if I would ever get through those walls. I wondered if I could show her that pity was different than concern and sympathy.

"You know Riley wasn't the only bad guy," she said, her voice suddenly cold and angry. "I led him on. I kept him supplied with meds. I knew which buttons to push. I knew what made him angry." She looked at me. "I will only do the same thing to you. I will learn your buttons, and I will push them."

I jumped down off my place on the bench and walked around in front of her. I would be damned if she was going to do this to herself in front of me. "Brown Eyes, you may have made him mad, you may have made him mad on purpose, but that doesn't mean his response to you is what you deserved."

"Edward, why?" She was on the verge of tears. I heard her voice crack.

"I can't tell you the whys, but I can tell you with me, there will be no more hitting. I will not hit you. We will fight, I can already tell we are going to fight something fierce, but I will never hit you." I saw a small light in her eyes reappear. "Don't worry, you're safe with me, Bella."

I kissed her. I kissed her with every ounce of feeling in my heart. I wanted her to believe that she was safe with me. There was something about this girl that made me want to protect every inch of her. I ran my fingers through her hair. When I finished our kiss, I pulled her to my chest and held her. I breathed in her scent and let it become a part of me.

"We better head back," she said into my chest. "Next time you come, we can catch the sunrise together." She was planning for another trip, and that told me two things. She had decided she wasn't going back with me, and she wanted to see me again.

"You wanna drive?" she asked. God, I love driving. I loved driving with my girl. She handed me the keys.

"Are you not tired?" I asked her, suppressing my own yawn.

"Riley used to make me stay up late to talk to him, so I have gotten used to living on pretty little sleep. My dreams have been so intense the past two times I tried to sleep, I just don't know what to do. Granny won't care if you sleep with me, if we sleep in our clothes on top of the covers," she said matter-of-factly. "Although she barely let Riley in the door."

"I love Granny," I said to her with a huge grin.

"I know she likes you too, _Edmund_." We both chuckled. "What time are you guys headed out tomorrow?"

"My parentals want me home for dinner, so probably just after lunch. Bella, I want you to think about coming to work with us early. Let Renee take care of Granny, it's not your job. If you start early, we can hang out all summer before school starts. We can go to the concerts and go camping in the mountains and have fun."

"I will think about it, Edward. I need to get stuff done here first," she said, as we pulled into Granny's.

She led the way into the house. I followed her straight to her bedroom and sat on her bed. She walked back out to the kitchen and came back with two glasses of water. I watched her medicate herself again. She needed to stop, but not tonight.

I watched her brush her teeth and take off her shoes, but she didn't change out of her clothes. I brushed my teeth and laid down beside her. She turned on the TV and as I watched, I heard her breathing even out. She thrashed and whimpered in her sleep, and I lifted her head to rest in my chest. I could feel her tears wetting my shirt so I gently stroked her hair.

Would I be able to handle this? I hadn't wanted a serious relationship right now. After what had happened with Irina, I'd planned to just have fun. I wanted to go to college, drink a little – or a lot - and get laid. I stumbled onto this. This was intense, but then again so were my feeling for her already. I'd already told Jasper that she was my girl. She had so many issues and one screw up, just one screw up, and it could push her too far. What if she went back to Riley?

I stayed with her and went over my thoughts until I drifted into a fitful sleep. I woke up every time Bella moved or cried out. I was already tired of this girl feeling pain, and I had only known her for a week. I couldn't imagine what else I could feel for her.

We slept in. I was surprised Granny didn't come in to shoot me. It was ten when I woke up and Bella was still asleep. I wanted to stay there but I needed to get up because having this beautiful girl laying on me all night had me harder than Granny's walking cane. With that thought, my problem was gone.

I took care of my morning business and opened the bedroom door, which I knew we had left open last night.

"I closed the door so not to wake you," Granny said.

"Thank you, Granny."

"Son, I know nothing happened in that room. I know she probably wouldn't have slept if someone wasn't in there. You know she is afraid of the dark? She always has been."

I wondered what Bella saw when she closed her eyes. I literally placed my hand over my heart when I considered what demons she must fight. I glanced over to see Jasper and Alice watching me.

"Edward, we got you guys some breakfast and packed up the car except for your stuff," Alice told me.

I nodded to her. "Hey, Jas, you wanna give me a hand?" I walked back to the bedroom and quietly got my bag and snuck back out without disturbing Bella. Jasper walked out to the car with me.

"Dude, you could have just said '_I need to talk to you for a sec',_ you didn't have to pretend we were chicks," Jasper joked.

"You got plans for next weekend?" I asked, ignoring his teasing

"Yep," he said with a grin. "I have a feeling I will be coming to the beach."

"I don't know, dude, but it feels right, right now," I replied.

"Well, E, this girl can't handle you backing out on her any time soon. So you are either in or out. You either tell her you are her friend or more than that. You can't be going back and forth. Any of those brief moments of doubt you have, you come to me. She can't deal with that right now," he said looking me square in the eyes.

"I need a store."

"What?"

"I need to get to a store. I want to buy Brown Eyes something before we leave," I said to Jasper.

"Ok, go tell Granny and Alice. Do you want like a gas station or Wal-Mart?"

"Umm, Wal-Mart?" I asked, knowing he didn't have a clue what I was looking for.

Jasper and I left for Wal-Mart and Bella was still asleep. She needed her rest and she was sleeping soundly, so we left her alone.

I wanted to get Bella calling cards so she could call me. Anytime. I had my own line and I was home when I was not with Alice and Jasper, so I knew I could help her at night. The next thing I wanted was something special. I headed straight for the toy aisle. I wanted to get her something to sleep with. I found it- a brown and white koala with the biggest brown eyes.

I knew she would love it.

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><p>Did you love it? Let me know?<p>

Rec's:

A Question of Time – go… if you love the time frame that MSTS is set in you will love A Question of Time

The Red Eye – Funny as heck Vampward!

Voting in the Shimmer awards started however the link is crazy.

Shimmerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com


	15. Chapter 15

SM owns, I just borrow and make it more human and adult.

Special love to: Cullen Confection, Graymatters Fanfiction, Momoffour Luvntwisaga, Sweet Poetic Justice, Butterfly Betty Cullen

Song: Yeah, nothing really fit in my mind. Let me know if you have a rec for the chapter….

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><p>CH 15<p>

BPOV

Edward had really overwhelmed me with his gifts. Long distance calls were crazy expensive and I had a car to repair, so those calling cards were a life line. I watched as they pulled away. Edward held up the peace sign to me. As I waved, I realized I missed them already. I looked over at my car.

I wondered what Riley was doing. They could mutilate a guy like him in prison. I wondered if they would let me see him. I walked back in and Granny was standing in the living room.

"You need to leave this place," she said, her old blue eyes looking weary and resigned.

"I know, Granny, but who is going to take care of you? Renee will never do it. And the two of you will only fight like cats and dogs if she did. You could sell the house and come with me," I told her and honestly meant it.

"All my doctors are here. I can't do that."

"With Riley gone, there is really no reason for me to leave now." I realized as I was talking to Granny, I was still holding the little bear Edward had given me. "I could just stay here and go to the Community College."

"Isabella Marie, you were your grandfather's pride and my joy, you need to go. You have friends there."

"Granny, I am not sure Edward knows what he wants. I mean, I am Edward just got out of a relationship with someone like me. I am a mess what if he decides that I am not worth the effort?"

"Life ain't about boys, Bella, it's about growing up, an I hope you realize just how much you are worth to those that _really _love you. You will be fine whether he is with you or not."

"Granny, did you know that I knew Riley wasn't the one I would marry? I mean I never once thought of myself as Mrs. Riley Biers," I said to her as I watched her sit back into her favorite chair.

"Baby girl, finding Mr. Wrong can be a lot of fun when you are looking for Mr. Right. But you fell for Mr. Dumbass who thought he was Jesus Christ. Now, I don't know what that boy did to you, but you gotta move on from it," Granny said with a shake of her head.

I sat and watched TV with her for about an hour. I wondered how long it would take for them to get back. I wondered if he would call to let me know that they arrived safely. I wondered if he would call at all.

In order to pass the time, I called Renee. She put her foot down and vetoed my plans to leave in a week, so I went back to my drawing board to figure out another plan. I thought if I waited two weeks then I could get packed, give my new job an official two-week notice, get Granny somewhat situated and I would be better off.

The good thing about working at a water park was even the main office was open on Sunday, so I gave them a call and told them the gist of what had transpired. And lucky for me, I was out of a second job in two weeks.

I really wondered about Riley. It was easy for me to be strong when Edward, Alice, and Jasper were here, but when all the distractions died down, it was much harder. As I sat with Granny watching TV that night, my mind kept returning to Riley and whether they would let him out of jail. I wondered if anyone would be able to bail him out. His family wasn't very well off which was part of the reason he started selling drugs.

I felt completely responsible for Riley being in jail. I decided that I would call the jailhouse in the morning to find out if I could visit. Riley once told me that if we ever did break up, I would never hear from him again. He always said that there was no use in twenty million conversations about why something happened. If you made a decision to dump somebody, you needed to be able to stand by that decision the minute you told them.

At this moment in my life, I could not imagine never talking to Riley again. As I sat in that chair, I realized the absurdity of my thoughts. I had been thinking about how to get away from Riley, and here I was looking for a way to get back with him. My thoughts were running away. I needed to slow them down.

I stood up to reach for my pocketbook to dig through my collection when the phone rang. I hoped it was Edward, but in some fucked up way I also hoped it was Riley. I grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella!" The voice wasn't one I expected, and my excitement warred with my disappointment

"Angela, hey, how are you?" I realized I hadn't spoken to my friend since graduation.

"I'm good. I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out or something?" she asked me.

"You know what, I'd love too. You got anything in mind? My car's not working right now," I said to her.

"What's wrong with Alex?" Everyone knew I named my car.

"Riley." The one-word answer would explain everything.

"Oh, damn."

"Yeah, he lost it the other night. You wanna come down to Granny's for the night?" I asked her, almost pleading.

"Sounds great. I will be there in an hour or an hour and half." she replied.

The best thing about Angela was she wasn't going to force me to tell her what happened. She literally would sit there and just let me watch TV in silence or let me talk for hours.

I told Granny that Angela was coming, which of course Granny was fine with. Granny allowed me more freedom than an eighteen year-old should have. Which was part of the reason I was there so much. I knew I took advantage of Granny and guilt started to set in.

My mind was really getting the best of me. I had so many things to deal with, and I had no clue where to start. I knew I wanted to hang out more with Edward and his friends, but I didn't know the first thing about pot, the Grateful Dead, or any of the music they listened to. I felt like they already had the perfect friendships together and I was little more than an afterthought. I was scared they were hanging out with me out of pity. I decided that I would not call Edward this week.

As I came to this conclusion, Angela came through the door. She took one look at me and rushed forward to fold me in her arms. I stood up to hug her and I broke down like I had not cried in my entire life. Angela did not ask why, she just held me as I fell completely and utterly apart. I didn't do this with Alice; I didn't do this with Edward. There was something about the familiarity of Angela, as a friend, as someone who knew so many things about me, which made me just lose it.

Angela didn't back away as I cried and soaked her shirt. She didn't move away or speak, as I told her I was sorry over and over and over. She just held me as I clung to her for dear life.

We talked through a lot of the night. I told her about most of what happened and I told her about Edward. Edward didn't call that night. It seemed strange after spending so much time with him not to hear from him but at the same time, it was a relief to be on my own.

Angela left the next morning for work. On Monday, I left for Renee's, borrowing Granny's car. I couldn't remember the last time I had been home. I packed some of my things in boxes to get ready for college. I called a cousin who did car repairs to get an estimate. Edward didn't call. Monday night I didn't sleep. Tuesday passed quickly; however, Edward still didn't call which led me to believe out of sight out of mind. I took three Xanax and went to sleep easily, but my dreams were straight out of hell. Either Edward was morphing into Riley or Riley himself was coming after me.

Wednesday the District Attorney called me. The phone call reminded me that I had never called to ask if I could visit Riley. The first question she asked me was if I was willing to testify.

I was silent for a few moments. Bravery was a hard emotion, one I wasn't entirely sure I was capable of on my own. No one was here to do a gut check for me. Alice wasn't holding my hand, Edward wasn't clenching his fist, and Granny wasn't even thumping her cane.

"Is he getting out of jail before the trial?" I asked her cautiously.

"It is highly unlikely."

"I'm scared," I said, my voice just above a whisper.

"I know you are, but whether you're willing to testify or not, I will subpoena you."

"If he gets out without getting help, he will just keep hurting people," I said to her.

"You know you can request that specifically from the judge."

I knew then I had to do all I could to stop someone else from falling victim to Riley as I had. "Okay, I'll testify. He needs help; this is the only way he will be able to get it." I said to her.

We continued to talk, and I recounted my story to her again. I wanted to call Edward. I wanted to call Alice, I just wanted somebody. I looked through all of Renee's cabinets until I found a bottle of Crown Royal. Tonight, I had a new best friend.

Edward called. I was drunk.

"Hey, Brown Eyes."

"Hi, Edward." Drunk as I was, I could hear my own voice turn cold to him.

"What are you doing?"

"Same old stuff, Edward. I am on my way out though, so I don't have long."

"Well, I thought we could make plans for the weekend?"

"What, do you want to bring your friends down so I can entertain you again with my fucked-up life and then you can go back home and pretend I don't exist?" I railed at him.

"What the fuck, Bella?" he asked, his voice completely showing his frustration. "You didn't pick up a damn phone and call me either. Hell, I even paid for you to call me."

I didn't answer. My test had backfired. I failed him. I was used to being a failure though. I failed Riley. He finally loved me and I had him thrown in jail.

"Sorry." I whispered. "I am drinking. I had to give a statement to the District Attorney today. This week has been harder than I thought it would be."

"I can only imagine. Would you like for me to come down this weekend? Jasper and Alice can't come, but I wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, Edward, that would be great. We can stay here though. Renee is out of town this weekend."

"Great, so I will see you Friday. Have you thought any more about coming up here?"

"Yeah, I am going to head up there in two weeks. I just need to pack and get Granny situated," I told him. "Edward, are you at home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Would you mind staying on the phone with me for a while?" I whispered. Renee's house was lonely and I was so tired of trying to distract myself.

I refused to ask Edward why he didn't call. I didn't want to know, and I thought if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. But I was already saving these tid bits of information up on him; I held grudges.

We talked until I could barely hold my eyes open and was mostly sober. It felt good to talk with him. I walked around the house on the cordless phone, triple checking the doors and windows. I left the bathroom and kitchen light on, then swallowed an Ambien to help me sleep. Sleep was so hard for me. I had always hated the dark but sleeping here by myself was almost intolerable.

Thursday passed and I drove to Granny's to meet with my cousin. I called and arranged doctor's appointments with as many of Granny's doctors as I could in the next week and I arranged as much of her medication as I could.

I spent the night with Granny. At least there, I had company. I had to be fucking crazy, because I actually missed Riley. I missed the excitement. I missed the way he set my body on fire with just a look. I missed the danger, the glint in his eye. I just knew was going to rot in hell for missing him like that.

I called Alice. She asked me about my week. I asked about hers. She told me she was sorry that she couldn't come this weekend.

"It will give me and Edward the chance to spend time together," I said to her.

"Has he been talking to you?" she asked with an odd sound in her voice.

"He called last night, but that was the first time this week," I panicked.

"He just hasn't been hanging out with us, but Bella, he lives here so he has a group of friends that don't go to the University. He is probably just hanging out with them," she replied in a stiff manner.

"Yeah, it's not like I am his girlfriend or anything, he can hang out with whoever he wants too," I said to her. I was so stupid, reading more into the situation with Edward than there really was. _How could someone like him care about a fat loser freak like you anyway?_ I thought to myself.

"Bella, I was under the impression that you guys were kinda dating," Alice replied hesitantly.

"We didn't really talk about what we were going to be, we just said we would play it by ear," I told her, brushing it off. "I guess I better go. I still have to pack tomorrow."

"Does that mean you are coming up soon?" she asked with a lift in her voice.

"Yeah, I think I will be up there at the end of two weeks, once the car is repaired."

"Sweet. You are going to have to stay with me!" She said and sounded excited.

"Yeah, I better get going." Honestly, I wanted to get off the phone in case someone else called.

Edward called twenty minutes later. I could tell he was drunk or high, but it didn't matter to me. He called and I would take any attention he was willing to give me. He let me know that he had to be quiet because he didn't want his parents to know how fucked up he was. I felt like I was being sneaky with him. I was also jealous that I wasn't with him.

I wanted to be making memories with him. I wanted him to want to be making memories with me. I wanted him to only want to be happy, if I was there. Apparently, I was not enough. I needed to make myself worth more to him.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Brown Eyes?" he whispered.

"Do you think you will want to kiss me again when you are here?" I asked him, matching his whispered tone.

He chuckled. "Will you let me?"

"You don't need to ask. I want to kiss you. I love the way you felt on my lips," I said to him.

"It was nice, wasn't it?" he asked.

"Yep. I must say I enjoyed it. I think I would enjoy a lot more though." I didn't want to go too far with him on the phone.

"Are you teasing me, Brown Eyes?"

"I don't tease," I replied honestly.

I heard his sharp intake of breath.

"I think teasing is cruel. I think there are so many more benefits to the follow through," I told him.

"I think I am really beginning to like you, Bella Swan."

"Let me just tell you this, Edward Cullen, I don't please people who are just my friends and I don't please people who are pleasing others."

"I understand. I think that we are on the same page," he replied making me happy. "You know what, Brown-Eyes? I am going to see you tomorrow."

"You know what, EC, I can't wait," I answered back.

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><p>My Soul To Save is up for three Shimmer Awards at Shimmerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com<p>

Cliffhanger Award, Tear Jerker Award, and Underdog Award

The story is also up for Fic of the month at tehlemonadestand (dot) blogspot (dot) com

Recs:

The Escape by BellasBritishNerd - yeah it's a guy writer and its very well written, all of his works well done!


	16. Chapter 16

**SM owns, but we knew that right?**

**Special thanks to: the other CC, Graymatters, SweetPoeticJustice, Momof4, and BBC**

**HUGE case of writers block and bronchitis and an ear infection is who you can thank for the delay in getting this chapter out to you….so so sorry. Thank you readers for all the reviews and PMs. I promise I will respond, I am just getting slower at it!**

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><p>Ch 16<p>

I waited for Edward's arrival with baited breath. Granny was letting me keep her car over the weekend since mine was still being repaired. Edward was a good guy; in fact, he was way too good for me. He had a car, he had finished high school, and he was going to college. He acted as if I mattered.

I was scared of Edward, but even more I was scared of losing Edward. I _couldn't_lose him, but I didn't know what it would take to keep him either. I could keep Riley happy with pills and blow jobs. Edward would barely touch me. He would probably think I was a whore if I pushed us any further. Girls weren't supposed to lead physically. A guy was supposed to kiss you first, touch you first, taste you first. But once he did, then it was ok to let him know that you could make him happy.

I passed the time cleaning. I thought about Riley; even with Edward coming I couldn't seem to get him out of my head. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for attempting to move away from Riley. I felt guilty for allowing Riley to go to prison. I felt guilty for not visiting Riley. I called the jail because I wanted to know if I could visit. I was devastated when I was told I was not on his visitor's list- Riley had finally said that he loved me. It took two Xanax to numb myself after that phone call. Despite all he had done to me, I wanted to still matter to him. I needed to matter to him,

Deep down, I realized I mattered to someone. I wanted Renee to come and scoop me up and hold me and say, "Everything is going to be ok." I wanted to feel like I was needed or mattered to someone for any reason. Hell, even Edward proved I didn't matter to him. He could go almost three days without talking to me.

I clutched my chest and laid down on my bed. I didn't know how long I lay there, but I was jolted awake by my door bell ringing. I didn't check the mirror, I just ran for the door. When I reached it, Edward was standing there facing away from me. I opened the door and he turned around with his shades on and just smirked at me with his crooked grin, almost like he was asking me if I had been waiting on him.

I smiled back at him. He held out his hands to the side and I jumped toward him.

"Well, I'm happy to see you too, Brown Eyes," he said as he wrapped me in a hug.

"Edward, you're earlier than I thought. How'd you get here so soon?" I asked him.

"Well, they let us go a few hours early, so I left and headed your way. I can always go back and come again later, if you want?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Come on in. Can I get you a drink? You want a smoke? You can smoke inside, Renee smokes all the time so it doesn't matter," I rushed it all out.

Gah. The blush on my cheeks would give away my nerves if nothing else did.

"Bella, I'm good," he said as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Have you eaten dinner yet?" I asked as I walked him in through the house. I gave him a brief tour of my home. The house was large but run down. Renee wasn't able to keep up the house after Charlie left so it looked beautiful at one time but now it was just another house. Edward probably had a mansion. I suddenly felt even more inadequate.

"No, I haven't eaten, I was waiting until I got here so maybe we could grab a bite together," he said as he placed his hand on my lower back.

"Is there anything you want to do tonight?" I asked Edward, knowing that he didn't get to come to the beach very often so I didn't want him to feel like he had to spend every moment cooped up at the house.

"Bella, let's just sit and talk about what we did all week. I brought a few tapes with me. You got a music player?" he asked as he looked around, trying to find a stereo.

I took him back to my bedroom and showed him the stereo. "I'm going to go grab a Coke. I'll be back in a minute, make yourself comfortable," I said and left him fiddling with the controls on the stereo. As I was pouring two drinks, I heard the music begin to play. I knew that voice. It was Eric Clapton. I was singing along as I poured the drinks and I felt Edward walk up behind me.

"So you know this song, huh?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I've heard it on the radio." I finished pouring the drinks and handed him one. I took a long drink from mine, trying to calm my nerves. I didn't want to talk to him about anything serious right now. I just wanted to be in the moment with him, but I felt that if I didn't tell him the things that were weighing me down, I was setting myself up for more heartache.

"Edward..."

"Brown eyes…," we both started at the same time.

We both laughed and he motioned with his hand for me to go first. "Edward, can we sit down and talk for a few minutes? Is that okay with you?" I asked him earnestly.

"Yeah, Brown Eyes."

I took his hand and led him over to the couch where we sat facing each other.

"Edward, I'm scared," I just blurted out and quickly covered my mouth.

"Have you heard from that fucker again? I swear I'll hurt him. I will find a way," he said through gritted teeth.

"No, he won't even see me," I said without even thinking about how that last part would sound to Edward. I heard him breathe in sharply.

I saw anger flash for a second in his eyes. He rubbed his forehead. "He won't see you? Did _you_ want to see _him_?"

I weighed telling him the truth. I weighed lying to him. I hung my head.

"Bella, did you want to see him?" Edward wasn't smiling. It came out as almost a whisper but there was nothing seductive about it.

I was still thinking when he quickly stood up. I stood up behind him. "No, Edward, please don't leave me," I half shouted and half begged. "You just don't understand."

"No, I get it," he said. "If all you want from me is a friendship and you're going back to him, then I just don't want to do this," he said as he motioned between the two of us.

"Please, come back and sit down with me. Please?"

He looked between me and the couch. "Bella, are you going back to him?"

"Edward, can you help me forget him?" I asked. "Because when I don't hear from you and when you ignore me, he comes back into my brain. He is like a poison I can't purge from my body. And you are like the medicine, but when the medicine is gone, the poison takes back over."

I waited for him to respond. He just looked at his feet. He patted his pockets for a smoke and pulled it out. I watched as he lit it and took a drag. I was silent as as I got up and handed him an ashtray.

"I thought we agreed to just take things one step at a time and go from there?" he said. "What changed?"

"I can't handle not hearing from you. I can't handle not having someone. I need someone to be there for me. Not just when it's convenient for them." My brain-to-mouth filter was gone.

"You think this is convenient for me?" he asked raising his arms.

"I can't ask you to do this for me." I looked at his feet. His shoes were new. I tried to hide my shoes under the couch so he wouldn't see the holes.

"You don't ask people to be your friend, Bella. But damn it, you gotta let them in and give them a chance." He turned his back to me.

"We can be friends, but you have to understand the boundaries of my friendships. I don't kiss friends. I barely hug my friends." I said to his back. I waited for his reaction. I could prove to him that I was worth having around, but I couldn't be treated like I was just another pal. "And I am fine if that is all you want." I lied. "But don't you kiss me and then treat me like I don't matter." Gah, he was going to think I wanted to get married tomorrow if I kept this up. I sounded like I was nagging him. I didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to push him into something he didn't want. But I didn't want to be played either.

He turned around quickly and took two long steps over to me. "So you don't want me to kiss you anymore?"

"Not if all we are to you is friends."

"What if I want to kiss you?"

He was standing right in front of me. "I can't do this, Edward."

"You can't kiss me? Or you can't be friends with me?" he asked as he knelt down in front of me.

"I can't do this." I gestured between us with my hand.

"Can't or won't?" He was eye-level with me. "When have I made you feel like you don't matter? You matter to me, Bella."

With him looking into my eyes, I felt like I was the only person in the world. When he didn't call for three days, I felt like I was nobody. "You didn't call me," I said just above a whisper.

"Brown Eyes, is that what all this is about?" He smirked at me. "I was hanging out with a couple guys from around town. I just got in too late to call. I thought you would be asleep."

"I'm not sleeping well. I keep taking my meds, but I keep struggling to sleep." I still couldn't look him in his eyes. He kissed the top of my head.

"How about we order a pizza and a movie and come back here and hang out, we can talk or smoke or whatever?"

"Order a pizza? Edward we have to go get it, nobody delivers here. It is not like it is at Granny's."I smiled at him. "But we can go get it and a movie and some drinks if you want."

Two hours later, we arrived back at my house with two liters, a frozen pizza, chips, dip, and watermelon, because according to Edward it is the perfect food. For the movie we had chosen _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_because between the two of us we had probably seen it a hundred times and we could probably make a drinking game out of watching it.

I emptied the chips in a bowl and we sat down and decided that every time Ferris looked in the camera and talked to us we were going to do a shot.

In the meantime, I watched as a he packed a pipe full of pot.

"Why do you smoke weed?" I asked him.

"Huh, I never really thought about that before. I just did it because the guys I was hanging out with did and well, you know." He shrugged as he held the pipe in his hand.

We both did shots as Ferris talked to us.

"I thought you rolled joints with weed." I said to him, really feeling embarrassed for my lack of knowledge.

He grinned at me. "You really don't smoke much, do you?"

"Umm, no but you knew that, come on don't be a dick."

Another shot.

"Well, you can smoke it out of this, it's called a bowl or a pipe if you will, or you can roll it as a joint, if you want to." He was trying to educate me and keep a straight face.

"But what's the point?"

"The point in smoking pot? Shit, Brown-Eyes what's the point in popping pills?" He looked only at the weed and pipe in his hand.

"Ummm, it helps slow my brain down. Edward, it goes one hundred miles a fucking hour and never slows down. I take a couple of Xanax and it slows me down to a point I can manage with the rest of the world and not get pissed off."

"Why do you get pissed off at the world?" he asked me.

Another shot.

"Damn, did you realize how much he talks to the fucking camera?" I asked Edward.

"Of course, I did. My plan was to get you drunk and have my wicked way with you," he said with a spark in his eye.

"You think I would let you?" I smirked back to him.

"I think I could convince you," he said back to me.

Another shot.

"Edward, raised brows do not count as direct communication with the camera," I countered.

"You wanna smoke with me?" he asked, mimicking Ferris' lifted brow.

I mentally debated it. I was worried that if I was not interested in the things he liked, he would leave. I would have done it for Riley.

I tried my best to smoke with Edward. But I was afraid to let my guard down. I really learned my lesson about getting out of control with a guy around you. Riley made sure that I never let myself trust someone like that ever again.

I shuddered at my thoughts. Edward would hate me if he knew how disgusting I had been.

I was sitting on the floor and Edward was sitting on the couch. I positioned myself so that I was sitting between his legs. Our drinking game was long forgotten. He was absentmindedly stroking my neck and collarbone and I loved the way his fingers felt on me.

I leaned my head back, so effectively the back of my head was on his crotch, but I was looking straight up at him. He brought his hand up my neck and to my cheek. He moved his fingers across my lips. I kissed each finger. I wanted him to know what he would be missing if we were 'just friends'. As his middle finger crossed my lips, I brought it into my mouth.

He gasped.

I held his finger still with my teeth as I lightly sucked on it. I ran my tongue over the tip of his finger, then released him with a small kiss. He ran his wet finger over my lips, staring at me.

"Why don't you sit up here with me instead of on the floor, Brown Eyes?" he asked.

I rose to my feet and instead of sitting next to him, I straddled him. He instantly put his hands on my hips. I was teasing him, but I didn't want to go too far. I slowly lifted myself off of him and turned so I was sitting on his lap. He smiled at me.

"Comfy?"

I wiggled my bottom against his lap and rested my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beating. "I am," I answered softly and then I realized I was probably hurting him. I knew I was fat and I didn't want to crush his legs and he was probably just being too nice to say anything about it.

"Actually, why don't you slide a little so I can sit on the couch and rest my legs on you?" I hoped this would give him the out that I was sure he needed.

"Because then you wouldn't be on my lap. And I like you here," he whispered in my ear.

We were staring into each other's eyes. I wanted to kiss him so bad. But if I kissed him and he only wanted to be friends, then he would think I was easy and cheap. I broke our stare and watched the movie. I absentmindedly played with his hair. It was so easy to sit and be with him.

"Brown Eyes?"

"Yeah?" I smiled, because I love that nickname.

"I wanna kiss you again."

"I only kiss one boy at a time," I responded, not looking at him.

"I understand. So if I agree that I will only kiss you, will you let me kiss you right now?"

"Nope," I said.

"Nope? You really don't want to kiss me?" he asked as we moved our faces closer together.

"Not at all." I said teasing him more.

"Not even a little bit?" he asked, holding up his thumb and forefinger about an inch between them.

I reached for and closed his finger so there was no room between the two. "Not even this much," I said as our noses touched.

"What if I ask you to be my girl, would you kiss me then?"

I barely let him finish the sentence and I leaned forward and placed my lips on top of his. Once our lips met, I let him take the lead. He attempted to move his hand from resting beside his leg as he was reaching for me, he rubbed the side of my breast through my shirt. He mumbled sorry but didn't break our kiss.

"Don't be."

He smiled. He placed his hand on the side of my neck and touched my collarbone again. As our kiss continued, he slowly brought his hand down and cupped my breast over my shirt. I felt alive, I felt warm and I felt wanted.

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><p><strong>Voting is still open in the Shimmer Awards...<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Same old disclaimer, I still don't own it.**

**Thanks: Cullen Confection, Graymatters, Momoffour, ButterflyBetty and Sweet Poetic Justice**

**It's time for some citrus!**

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><p>CH 17<p>

Edward and I spent the entire night laying on the couch talking and kissing, 0ur bodies pressed against each other. Neither one of us hid our desire for the other, but neither one of us acted on it either. We both knew it was too soon. We fell asleep well past midnight and woke up almost at noon.

I had not slept that soundly in a week. Our plan today was to load his car with my stuff to take back to the University so that when I went the next week, I would not have as much to bring. I was amazed that Edward actually liked packing the car. I was even more amazed at how bad he was at it.

That evening, I cooked for us. I made homemade French fries, which Edward loved. When Edward was around me, I felt like I was on top of the world and the center of it (or his). However, even those short times when he stepped away to the bathroom, I felt myself grow lonely and filled with doubt and guilt. I wondered if this insecurity would last forever.

After dinner, Edward stepped out on the front porch to make a phone call. Different emotions crossed my mind as I debated who he needed to have privacy to call. His call lasted about seven minutes once I started timing it, although I felt terrible that I felt the need to time it at all. When he came back inside, he seemed a little jumpy and disgruntled.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey. Did your call go ok?" I asked, trying to leech from him any information he would give me without seeming obvious.

"Yeah. Hey listen, I have to head out and be home around one tomorrow, so I need to leave here pretty early in the morning," he told me as he lit a cigarette.

"Is everything ok?" I asked again.

"Damn, Bella, yeah everything is fine. I just need to be home around one tomorrow and I can't make a four hour drive back there unless I leave here around 8 or 9." The tone in his voice let me know he was irritated. I couldn't tell if the irritation was at me or the fact he had to be home at a certain time. I was too afraid to ask.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry," I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I needed to control these emotions better. Valium would help. I stood to walk to my purse.

"What are you doing?" he asked. His tone was still tinged with the irritation from moments earlier.

"I need something out of my purse."

"I am right here, talk to me, don't turn to that shit!" The anger in his words surprised me.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, what is it going to take to get you to talk to me when you are upset instead of going to those damn pills?"

"It's not that easy, Edward."

"Why not? I am right here, talk to me, tell me why you are walking to your purse after all day with no pills," he said, his tone exasperated.

"I upset you." I whispered and lowered my head.

"No, you didn't," he said as he walked to me and put one hand on each forearm. He bent his knees so his face was level with mine. "Carlisle and Esme, my parents, know where I am, they know what I am doing, but I screwed up so bad last semester that I have to prove myself to them." He pulled my body into his and hugged me.

"Brown Eyes, I don't want to leave. I want to stay and watch stupid movies and play stupid drinking games and get to know you more. Gah, I just can't seem to know enough about you. But I have to leave to go home and eat a fancy dinner with my parents and grandparents."

I chuckled in his embrace as I felt his frustration ease. "You should be thankful you have family to do that with." I said as we stepped out of our hug. "My family was shattered after Renee and Charlie divorced. They can barely live in the same state."

I stared down at the ground, my hair covering the blush that rose at my next question. "So you aren't mad at me?" I asked again to help push the present doubts to the back of my mind instead of the forefront.

"Uh uh. Not at all." He said as he pushed my hair behind my shoulder and kissed my neck up to my ear.

I tilted my head to give him more access to my neck and relished the sensation as his lips barely touched my skin. I felt my knees give slightly. I know he noticed because on his next kiss, I could feel his lips break into a small smile before softly touched me with his tongue and then kissed the same spot. "You taste just like summer," he smiled.

"I guess that is better than tasting like fall?" I asked with a touch of snark in my voice. We both broke into laughter.

"Come to me instead of the pills, please," he softly commanded with his voice and eyes. "You don't need them."

"You aren't always here, Edward."

"I am always a phone call away. You know how to call me. You don't have to wait for me to call you. And after next week, you will be with us and you will have Alice as your roommate and Jasper too," he said as he rolled his eyes.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Umm, yeah. Jasper practically lives there," he chuckled.

"When school starts back, do you know where you will be?" I asked him.

"Yeah. The University requires us all to live on campus until we are juniors, so I will be rooming with Jasper and Emmett and some other guy in a quad. I think his name is Jake."

"Have you met him before?"

"Nah, but that is the beauty of college, Brown Eyes." He was staring into my eyes and I drank in the beauty of the color of his. "Getting to know people you have never met before and finding out how much better your life is with them in it." When he said these words, I looked at his lips, then his eyes and back to his lips. I leaned forward into him and kissed him for all I was worth. I ran my fingers through his hair. We kissed deep and hard until we had to break for air.

When we broke apart, we were panting. "Damn, you are a good kisser," he told me with smirk that only made me want to kiss him more. So I did. Standing in the middle of the den, we kissed again and again. We kissed as he walked backward and pulled me to the couch. We continued to kiss while he laid down and I laid down on top of him. When I would break the kiss to catch my breath, he would assault my chin and neck with his lips. I began moving my hips almost involuntary, just needing some friction to relieve the pressure he created. With every move of my hips, Edward was meeting me with his own movements.

We didn't talk. We didn't whisper things to each other. We just kissed, licked and moved. I could feel his hard erection through his jeans and my shorts. He was positioned perfectly at my core. I could not have stopped my movements against him, even if I wanted to and I really didn't want to. I wanted to show him how good I could make him feel with me. His hands slipped down and cupped my ass and guided me into a faster rhythm. I knew what he wanted, I knew what he needed. I wanted to give him the release he was yearning for.

We continued to move against each other. I felt his breathing change and become labored. If felt so good for me to rub against his length. I could feel the seam of his pants being pressed against my clit as I was forced up and down his body by his hands on my ass. I rolled my hips and he released a breathy moan. He brought his lips to my shoulder and kissed, he could not control my movements anymore but I continued the pace he had set as I sucked his earlobe. I felt his body stiffen and he moaned my name.

I rocked twice more and felt my own orgasm, all the way through my toes. I slowed my movements on him and stopped all together as I rode the release of tension.

"Mmmmmm," he said as he opened his eyes to look at me.

I blushed and hid my face in his neck. I knew I needed to let him get up and take care of his messy situation. I lifted myself off of him doing my best to not make the mess worse.

"How about if I make us a drink?" I asked him.

"That sounds great." He said as he motioned to me that he was going to the bathroom. I did an internal fist pump to myself because of the post-orgasmic grin on his face. _Damn, orgasms looked good on Edward_. I thought to myself. I was actually proud of myself as I poured us two drinks. A little Captain Morgan's and a little Coca-Cola. As he came around the corner from the hall, I handed him his glass and he took a long sip.

"I could get used to this," he said as he smiled and kissed me. So could I, I thought to myself.

Edward left early Sunday, his car packed to the ceiling with my stuff. There was something about that which made me smile. I was happy that he cared enough to be willing to take my stuff back and that it would be with him. I wondered if he would notice that I kept one of his shirts. I knew I would see him in a week and the weekend after that we were supposed to go camping with Jasper and Alice.

I was excited. I had something to look forward too.

I watched Edward drive away and returned to my room. He had left a note on my bed.

_Brown Eyes,_

_Be safe this week. I can't wait to see you this weekend. Don't forget you said you would be my girl. I don't like to share…_

_E_

I did a small dance, although knowing me, I probably looked more like I was having a seizure. I packed another suitcase full of clothes, leaving me with just enough to make it through the week. I needed to go check on Granny.

While I drove down to the beach, I thought about how well I got along with Edward. Even when he had the opportunity to yell at me, he didn't. Everyone else yelled at me. I almost didn't respond unless I was yelled at anymore. It felt so good to have him talk to me like he cared, like I mattered to him.

When I arrived at Granny's, I fixed a sandwich lunch for both of us. We talked and I told her about Edward's visit.

"Well, Bella, you just remember 'why should you buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free'." Granny warned me.

"Granny, I am not giving him any milk!" I was irritated by her remark. I didn't understand why people thought all I did was sleep with guys. Then I remembered Riley's comments on the night we had him arrested. I wondered if Edward thought the same. Damn. That was probably his reasons for being so nice, he thought I would be an easy lay.

"Granny, I never had sex with Riley."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, child, but even if you didn't, you have to be careful with what you let the world think you are doing."

"Why should I care what other people think?" I questioned her.

"The world works that way. You know what you do and you always do what you think is right. But who you associate with, goes a long way. Don't forget that," Granny said in a show of wisdom.

"Granny, what are you going to do when I am gone?"

"Well, Renee and I talked and we think it would be best if I moved in with a friend of mine and your Granddad's."

"Do you think they will take care of you? What about the bookkeeping? Granny, if you are moving just come with me. Please."

"No, child. This is your time. You don't need an old lady to hold you back," she said without looking at me.

The phone rang breaking the silence. It was 3:30. I smiled at Granny.

"Hello."

"I had to call all over the state to find you. How is Granny?" Edward asked.

"She is good. How was the drive?"

"Lonely, I can't wait until the weekend," he said, making me grin again. "Well, I just needed to hear your voice. I can't talk long. I will call you tonight."

Edward never called back. I waited until 11, but I knew it was too late to call his house and wake his parents. I called Alice instead.

"Hey, Alice, it's Bella."

"Hey, Bella-Bella," she said and you could almost hear the smile in her voice. "I have a group of people here moving your shit into my room."

"Oh man, did I pack too much?"

"No way, Bella, it would help if these fuckers would stop smoking and actually work and then we could all go to bed." Jealousy swept through me. I wanted to be there having fun with them. I didn't want Edward to be able to have a good time without me and I could hear him laughing in the background. I stopped, walked to my purse, and downed an Ambien.

"I am pretty excited to be heading there. I figure I will pull into town on Friday about the time you guys get off work," I told her knowing that I was going to sound completely lame compared to what they were doing. "Well, I will let you go, tell everyone thanks."

"Sure thing, Bella." There was a pause for a moment and I heard Alice say under her breath, _no way she called to talk to me, _followed by movement against the phone_._

"Hey," Edward said and he sounded like he was out of breath. "Alice is a real slave driver. But I think we have all of your stuff unloaded. Don't get too mad if she arranges it for you before you get here."

"Thank you so much for taking all that crap up there." Gah, I knew that sounded completely stupid.

"Brown Eyes, I am leaving here in about 20 minutes and I will be home in an hour; you think I could call you then?"

I regretted the Ambien instantly. "Yeah, I took some sleeping meds, but I will try to stay awake. I will talk with you soon."

"Sounds like a plan. Give me about 45 minutes, ok?"

"Sure."

True to his word, he called back in 37 minutes, true to its description I was almost asleep and unable to talk for very long. I hated feeling this way and I wished I had listened to Edward about the meds.

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><p><strong>Well wonderful readers, we did not win the Shimmer Awards the story was nominated for but I can't thank you enough for honoring me with the nomination.<strong>

**I have nominated a few of my favorites at the Tomato Soup Awards, please head of there and check out some of the wonderful stories that are nominated!**

**Thetomatosoupaward . blogspot . com (delete the spaces)**

**Also, the Twigasm Blog is hosting a read along of Boys of Fall which is written by my RL sister, Cullen Confection. Please show her some love!**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**


	18. Chapter 18

SM owns Twilight. I own Granny. My readers own me.

Special thanks to: Cullen Confection, Graymatters, Momoffour, ButterflyBetty and Sweet Poetic Justice

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><p>Tuesday started in a most interesting way, with a phone call. It was Riley's step-mother and she was crying. I knew that Sheila had recently left Riley's dad and had found made contact with her stepson. She had even come over to have dinner with us twice. I had given Sheila Granny's phone number when she left Riley's dad because he was hitting her. I told her if she ever needed to talk she could call me. I was trying to reach out and be a friend to her at the time. I had not heard from her until now. Apparently, she needed to talk.<p>

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella? It's Sheila." I was stunned because I could not imagine anyone in Riley's family contacting me since I was the sole reason he was in jail. "I don't mean to bother you but I thought maybe we could talk."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea." I didn't know if talking to Sheila would mess up the case against Riley.

"Bella, Riley called me from jail."

"I really don't think we should be talking."

"You know he doesn't even realize when he is being mean. Something in him just snaps, just like his dad. He loves you, you know. His eyes light up around you."

"How do you know? You have only seen him twice."

"Actually Bella, Riley and I were hanging out a good bit. He was trying to get his life in order. You know how hard it is to get away from some shit. After that crap went down with Benny, he swore he was changing. He just needs some help, Bella; you know that."

"I know. But I also I know he needs more than I can give him. I promise I tried," I responded, feeling so guilty. Riley invoked feelings in me that no other human being ever did. I wanted to protect him, even now. I knew what he had gone through. I knew he was sick. I just couldn't help him and I had cast him to the wolves. "What does he want Sheila? He won't see me. I tried."

"You tried to see him?"

"Yeah. I called the jail a few days ago and they said I was not on the visitor's list," I admitted to her.

"I can take you."

"Why are you doing this to me? You know what he did to me!" I yelled, knowing my resolve was starting to break down. "You know what he is capable of. You lived with it Sheila. You didn't warn me. You didn't tell me. You met me before he started hitting me. But you knew, didn't you?" I wanted someone else to share the blame, I wanted someone else to feel the guilt. "You knew it was going to start, didn't you?"

"Bella, it's not his fault. Think about the times when he made you feel alive, like the only person in the world. He lived through it first, Bella. You can't blame him for doing all that he knows to do." She was so right. And Riley had warned me. He told me not to fall for him. He told me he was not a good person. He told me about the beatings he received, about his dad beating him mom in front of him. He told me about how his mind worked

Damn. Riley told me I would leave him, but I promised him I wasn't like that. I told him I understood and that I would help him. Hell, I even promised to forgive him when he acted like an ass. I could see the storm raging in his eyes. I knew the anger was not always about me. Yet, I egged him on, always pushing him. I was selfish. I would have been fine if I would have never started thinking about college away from the beach.

"Did he tell you what he did?" I asked her.

"Bella, he's sick. You know this. He's just like his dad. But we're special women when we can love them anyway. I bet if you asked him he would get some help. "

"Sheila, he won't keep a job long enough to pay for that. And I can't afford to pay for it for him," I told her but I was really reminding myself. "Besides, the district attorney has already told me the State will not drop the charges even if I ask them to."

"You just need to tell them that you won't testify. Without you they have no case against him. Just imagine what those criminals will do to him in there."

Oh God, she had a point. Riley was small and beautiful. They would hurt him and rape him. It would be all my fault.

"Sheila, what will he do to me once he is out? He won't forgive me. He'll find a way to hurt me. Does he even remember what he did?" I asked her quietly.

"Bella, I don't know what happened that night. And it really is going to boil down to your word against his. Once the judge finds out you were the one giving him all the prescription meds that you were stealing from your Granny what do you think will happen? Hell, you'll be lucky if she doesn't disown you. Didn't you just win several scholarships too? I wonder what they will do about that."

She was right. Everyone was saying how terrible Riley was, but _I_ was the monster. I was pretending to be a good girl. I was pretending to do good things, only I was the worst one of all.

"Does he want to see me?" I asked her.

"Bella, I think if he knows that you are doing everything you can to get him out then he'll be different."

"Is his dad going to bail him out of jail?"

"Not this time. Which means your part is so much more important."

I needed to think… to process everything. I was surprised that she knew that I was giving Riley the pills. That fact let me know that she had been talking to Riley a good bit.

"Sheila, I need to go. I have a lot to think about."

"Bella, just be glad that you have a safe place to think where you don't have to worry about somebody trying to fuck you in the ass because you look good. I will call you later tonight."

"Yeah, okay, bye."

I looked down at the clock. Edward would be working. Alice would be working. Angela was on vacation with her family. I looked over at my purse. I didn't want to need a pill. Hell, look where the pills had gotten me. I tried to walk away from it. I would lose everything if I continued to let Riley stay in jail.

Until Sheila's phone call, I hadn't really thought about Riley since Friday. His name almost felt weird in my thoughts. Not that I had forgotten about him. I don't think I could ever do that that, but I just didn't think about him. Was Riley that easily replaced for me?

I knew the things Riley's dad had done to him. I knew Riley was struggling and his mind would go to dark places. I tried to love him through it all, but he needed help and it was help that I couldn't give him. But I wanted to help him. I didn't want to change him; I just wanted the dark side to fade away. I could watch his face flash with rage when it would come over him.

My heart ached. I wanted to stand by him and show him I wasn't like everyone else who had left him. So many other people had given up on him. I didn't want to give up just yet. Did I?

"UGH!" I literally screamed out. I heard Granny coming my way. I needed to talk to someone but not Granny.

"Bella, you ok?" she asked me.

"Yeah Granny, I just have a lot on my mind," I said as I rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes tightly. Couldn't I just open them and wake up from this nightmare? "Granny, I think that I need to talk to the district attorney," I said, opening my eyes. "Do you think it would be okay if I called him?"

"Well, I guess it would. Did you remember something else that happened?" she asked me with a look of concern on her face.

"Yeah, I just remembered some more details that he may find interesting. I can just let him decide what to do with the information."

Maybe after talking to the attorney they would tell me the pills didn't matter. Maybe the pills did matter and I would end up in jail, too. I wondered if I could just deny it. But then I would be lying and have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I called the District Attorney's office and left a message for him. I guess it was a good thing that she wasn't there. I needed more time to think about what I was going to say. How far would I go to save him? Could I accept the blame for all the pills I had given him?

I needed to take Granny grocery shopping. The last time we went was the disaster with Benny. I briefly thought about Riley's friends and how they might react to all of this. Would they hate me? Then I thought why should I care? It wasn't like they were my friends. Hell, most of them only knew me as Riley's girl. I struggled with my own thoughts. I could tell they were all over the place. It was a wonder I could keep a coherent conversation going.

Granny and I made our way to the warehouse store and I loaded her with everything she could possibly eat. I even made sure to call Meals on Wheel so they would prepare a lunch for her. I was scared that she would not eat properly because of the diabetes. I labeled all her syringes with a marker so she could see where to fill the insulin. I labeled and wrote checks for bills for through the month and put sticky notes on the bills to remind her to mail them.

The District Attorney did not call me back on Tuesday. But Edward did.

It is amazing how Edward kept his word. He told me he liked talking to me as he was getting in bed. I liked how his voice would become slightly softer as I heard covers rustle in the background. Edward had a TV in his room and I made sure to try and watch the same thing so we could watch it together. Thank God Granny had cable. We didn't have it at my house.

Wednesday found me preparing more things for Granny, but I knew I had to get back to my house and finish up there. The attorney called late Wednesday morning.

"Good morning, Miss Swan. I am returning your message. You said you may have some additional information regarding Riley Biers?" he asked me.

"Yes, sir. I need to let you know about something I did," I said as I prayed in the back of my mind that I was doing the right thing.

I paused holding my breath, begging him to tell me that he didn't need to hear what I had to say.

"Miss Swan, would you like to come to my office? You do understand this case is bigger than just what happened to you," he said to me, almost in a warning tone.

"I do sir, I get that. But you need to know everything that _I_ did. I wasn't exactly innocent in all this."

"I am afraid I don't understand what you mean."

"Sir, I am not the best person to testify against Riley. I gave him pills." I blurted it out, like ripping of a band aid.

"You gave him pills?"

"Yes. I knew that if I gave him my medicine, he would be nicer to me. As a matter of fact the only way he let me go that night is because I promised to go steal more of my grandmother's pain medication for him."

The line on the other end was silent.

"Is there any proof that you did this? Did anyone ever see you give Riley those pills? Have you ever given pills to any of his friends?"

"No one has ever seen me give Riley pills, and I have never shared them with his friends."

"So it would boil down to your word against his?" The attorney asked.

"Yes. But I wanted you to know everything about me. I didn't think I would be able to testify since I had been giving him pills. I am just a guilty as he is. Am I going to jail?"

"No, Bella. We really need you to testify. Do you need to tell me anything else?"

"Can I go see him? His step mom called me."

"We would prefer that you not go see him. I can make it illegal for his family to reach out to you, if you want that."

Did I want that? I didn't know. That would almost be like cutting him out. I didn't know if I could do that.

"I don't know that I need that just yet. But I do have some things at his apartment. What would it take for me to be able to go get it?"

"You are going to need to call a relative or something. Do you need anything else?" He stated.

"No. That is all. Have a good day."

"You too Miss Swan. Please call if you need anything else."

I hung up the phone and thought about the conversation. I guess he did not care that I had been giving Riley the pills. I thought it would be a huge deal. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders until I looked at the doorway and saw Granny standing there staring straight at me.

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><p>REC: Time of Salt I love that story!<p>

I want to tell you how sorry I am with the delay in updating! Real Life has been a struggle right now.


	19. Chapter 19

**I still don't own the original! Imagine that….**

**Special thanks for those who voted for Granny as most original character in the Emerging Swan Awards.**

**I also want to thank Cullen Confection, Graymatters Fanfiction, Sweet Poetic Justice, Butterfly Betty Cullen and Momoffour!**

**I am sorry for the lack of updating, and I want to tell Paula - thank you for the encouragement. I will not abandon this story! I promise that.**

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><p>Granny's eyes looked straight through me. I didn't know how much she heard, but I assumed that she heard enough. She was staring and not moving from the doorway. It was almost like we were in a staring match.<p>

I slowly let out a breath I didn't realize that I was holding. Riley had taught me that I could calm myself down if I counted my breathing. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, . breathe out for a count of four, pause for a count of four. Repeat. He said he did this to help is temper. I was doing it to prevent Granny from talking to me. I heard the distinct sound of her cane matching her step through the kitchen.

"You can't leave this house without talking to me, young lady. Might as well get it over with," Granny stated.

"I know, Granny. I know," I whispered to myself. This fucking month was never going to end. Could it possibly get any worse? No, Bella don't ask that. Renee taught me to never ask that question. The plain and simple truth was, shit could ALWAYS get worse. I had a feeling it was about to. I needed to face the music.

I heard Granny talking. She was on the phone. "Yes, I wanna talk to the Dean of Admissions. You heard me. My granddaughter is coming up there I need to tell you about what is going on. Ya'll need to do something about it," she told the person on the other end.

There was a pause. I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen where Granny sat at the kitchen table holding my admission letter and scholarship awards.

"My name is Marie Swan. My granddaughter is Isabella Swan. She will be up there next week working in that computer lab you are building."

Pause. Granny nodded her head.

"Yes sir, that is the one. I want to tell you what this young lady has been through and I want you to help her. You hear me?"

Pause.

"I know you care about all your students, but I don't. I care about this one. She just broke up with her boyfriend who was beating her. He beat her up real bad last week. She needs your help. What are you going to do about that?" she asked him as if there was something the freaking school could do.

There was another pause.

"She is right here and I think that plan works. It has been my pleasure talking with you."

Granny held the phone out to me.

I took the receiver from her, my hands shaking. "Hello?" I asked with every ounce of courage I could muster.

"Isabella Swan? This is Dean Glass. Your Grandmother informed me that you have something going on that you may need some help with, would you care to elaborate?" he asked me.

"Dean Glass, I was dating a young man and I made him mad. He lost his temper and hit me. I swear it will not interfere with my ability to study or work in the IT department," I tried to sound reassuring.

"I know that you feel that way Isabella. However, we have given you scholarships and set up a work study program and the school has a lot riding on your success. Do you understand that?"

Instead of offering 'help,' I could sense the threat in his words. In that moment, I hated Granny for doing this to me.

"Yes, sir. I will not let you down. I have been dating him and juggling school and a job and taking care of my Grandmother for quite sometime. I am positive that I can accomplish even greater things now that I am no longer dating anyone." I was staring at Granny and I refused to break eye contact first. I couldn't believe she would do this to me.

I was angry.

"Miss Swan, in order to maintain not only your scholarships but your work study, you will attend mandatory counseling sessions with the school therapist at least once a week, beginning with your arrival next week. If you miss one week, without excuse you will be on probation. Two absences will cost you the scholarships and eligibility in the work study program. Are we clear?"

"Crystal clear," I replied just above a whisper.

"Just so there are no mistakes I would like you to repeat the conditions of your scholarship and work study eligibility to me," the Dean demanded of me.

"I heard you. I am not ten!" I retorted without even thinking about who I was talking too.

"Miss Swan, do you remember calling me and practically begging me to find additional funds for you to attend this school?"

"Yes sir."

"I need to affirm that you understand the conditions I have set before you. I have children myself, and I know there is more to this phone call then what is being set before me. There is something that drove your sweet grandmother to call and threaten my assistant with a cane until she spoke with me. Now repeat the conditions of your awards, before I am forced to investigate this further."

I repeated verbatim what he had said.

I assured him I would be there this weekend.

I was mad. I was mad at Granny. I needed to get away from her. I needed to get away from here. I wanted an escape. I was pissed. I knew I had made some wrong choices, but she did not need to go that far.

"I need a break Granny, I am going to the beach. I will be back in time for dinner. You can strip search me and pat me down if you want," I said as I turned to walk out the door.

"You need this more than you know, little girl. And you better watch that tongue before it gets you in more trouble. I may be old but I can put a bar of soap in that mouth."

"Granny, I just need to get out okay? Do you know what it feels like? Do you understand the humiliation? Can you understand it at all?" The tears were streaming down my face. I knew I was taking this out on the wrong person. I knew it, but she had a role, too. I needed out of my own skin for just minute, an escape from the world seeing Bella Swan unravel at her seams.

I parked at a public access and made my way through the sand. The dry sand was hard to walk on, but I did it anyway. I took off my shoes and held them in my hand. I walked forever. I walked past the pier. I walked past twenty-story hotels and small beach houses. Those same houses have been here since the 1950's and had survived when the huge hurricanes slammed into the coast. I wondered how they made it through it. All the modern structures would be torn to bits. But those little houses that looked so puny next to the fancy ones survived. I stood there staring at a little white house. I felt around and grabbed a smoke from my pocket.

I attempted to light the cigarette but the ever-present beach wind was making it difficult, especially with my hair whipping around. I never heard the foot steps behind me. I didn't notice anyone was there until I heard a voice in my ear.

"You need some help with that?" he asked.

I didn't want to turn around, I didn't know who it was. I didn't know what he would do to me. I felt my body involuntarily stiffen. Riley would be so disappointed in me that I didn't notice someone coming up like this one me.

"Um, no I got it. I just wasn't paying attention. I didn't even have the lighter close to my smoke," I told him, taking step forward to put distance between us.

"You don't remember me do you?" I was wracking my brain trying to place the voice in my memory. I decided I had to turn around and face this person.

I didn't say anything. I was too afraid of offending him. I am sure I had met him with Riley. But I had met so many and I didn't really pay attention to them; I had only been focused on Riley.

"Damn, Riley was right you can't walk and talk, can you?" he sneered sarcastically.

"Look I am sorry, I was probably fucked up when we met and you know how that is," I tried to joke my way out of the situation. I turned and took a step back in the direction of my car.

"I know what you would do for Riley. I also know what you did to Riley," he said.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I replied, trying again to remember his face. Then it hit me. He was one of the guys at Riley's apartment watching Aladdin when they were on acid. Riley had told me how important they guys were and I just brushed him off. The guy watched as the realization dawned on me.

"You remember me now?" he asked.

"Yeah, I remember seeing you at Riley's." I was trying to keep a steady pace in the uneven sand. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, I watched as you took care of all Riley's needs. You know he is going to get out real soon, he has too many contacts. They aren't going to let him sit in jail. They need their fixes." As he talked he placed his hand on my back, like Edward would do to hold me steady, only this touch didn't seem friendly. I gasped.

"Look, I know what he did. And we don't all treat our girls like that."

"What's your name?" I interrupted him.

"Tristan."

"Tristan, I am not good for anybody. I know what you saw but trust me, I am not the best person for you and the police are watching me like a hawk right now."

"They aren't the only ones watching you, Princess." I shivered. "A lot of us have to pray that neither Riley nor will you open your mouth about what you saw and heard."

"Tristan, I don't care about what you guys are doing; I'm only involved because he tried to kill me." I stopped walking and pleaded with him with my eyes to just leave me alone.

"I can take care of you and…your Grandmother…isn't that who you live with?" he asked me and I watched his eyes move between my lips and my eyes. _Please__don__'__t__try__to__kiss__me_, I thought to myself. I cursed the day I ever laid eyes on Riley Biers. I could not understand why everyone wanted to use Granny against me.

I had to put my game face on. "Tristan, I know you could take care of me, but I am leaving in a few days. I promise I will come visit every time I am back in town. Maybe we can try something then?" I asked, hoping he would believe me.

"Just know this, Princess, you can go to the University, you can go to wherever you please, but if you so much as breathe a word about us, we will find out," he told me as he grabbed my wrist and squeezed. He continued to squeeze harder until I looked up at him. "Acknowledge that you understand what I am saying!" he commanded

"I get it. You have my word."

"Good, see I knew you were smart." He winked and blew me a kiss and started walking in the opposite direction of my car. I waited until he was gone to drop to the sand, my knees giving out beneath me. Nothing was right any longer. Even my beach was no longer safe for me. Riley was still taking everything I had.

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><p><strong>I am currently hooked on:<strong>

**The Breakers by Les Sharpe and 'Til I Said It Was You by GrayMatters**


	20. Chapter 20

**So sorry for the delay. Hopefully with some new help at my RL job I will be back on track. Thank for your patience.**

**I do not own.**

**Thanks to the regulars.**

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><p>Chapter 20<p>

Edward did not call me that night. I did call him, but he wasn't there. I called Alice and found out that they were on their way to hear a local band. I didn't want to ask her if Edward was going. She did make it a point to tell me that Jasper and Emmett were going, but she didn't mention Edward. I wondered about his life away from the University.

I remembered he had told me that he dated Irina in high school. I wondered if she was still in the area. I wondered why I would hear from Edward every night and then he would just disappear. I wanted to fall for Edward. I wanted to love him. Who was I kidding, what I really wanted was for him to love me? I was tired of wondering what Edward was doing on those nights. I wanted him to want to talk to me.

But really, I had no right to be this angry at Edward. I had only known him two weeks. He didn't need to check in with me every hour. But didn't he realize that I struggled when I didn't talk to him? Didn't I make that clear last week? Maybe I was just jealous? Maybe I wanted to be the one out having fun, instead of waiting by the phone.

I was going out. I was going to get dressed up, and go out.

"Granny, I'm going out," I shouted to her as I looked in the mirror.

"Who's going with you?" she replied.

"I don't know yet, Granny, but I',m going out. I don't know where I am going, or what I am doing, but I need to go meet new people," I said enthusiastically.

"Child, you are all over the place," she stated, confusing me. "I think you getting away is the best thing for you. But you better stop that smoking before I tell Renee."

"Yes, ma'am," I said with a mock salute.

I gathered my purse and keys. I was excited. I decided to park my car on a side street and just walk to the boulevard. All the local girls did that. And I just wanted to feel alive. I grabbed some money out of my wallet and my ID before leaving the car.

I walked the sidewalk, listening to the thump of the music from the cars. I heard a few cat-calls but I didn't know if they were for me. I walked with my head down, not even paying attention to where I was going. And then I walked into someone's chest.

"Sorry, man, I wasn't watching where I was going," I instinctively apologized.

"Bella?" I hadn't even looked up yet to see who I had hit. The thought that another one of Riley's "friends" had found me almost made me turn to run.

I looked up. Jacob Black!

"Jacob? What the hell are you doing down here?"

"I go by Jake now."

"Damn, man, I haven't seen you since ninth or tenth grade, when your parents moved away. What are you doing here?"

"Just down with a couple of friends."

"Where are you guys staying?" I asked him.

He pointed over to one of the hotels. "I am trying to get a job here so I can stay for the summer before heading to school."

"Well, good luck. The restaurants are always hiring. It was cool to see you again, Jacob," I said to him turning to leave.

"You wanna come up and have a beer or two?" he asked me.

"No, I gotta get back home, you remember my Granny, right? I gotta get back to her, I just needed to get some air."

"Let me walk you back to your car." He smiled a brilliant smile that made me feel comfortable. Jacob had that way about him. We dated our freshman and sophomore years in high school before his family moved our sophomore year. We were each other's first and then he left. I met Garrett and then Riley.

We walked in comfortable silence. "Damn, Bella, you look great."

"Well, thanks, Jacob."

We had arrived back at my car. "Can I get your number?" he asked.

"Actually, Jacob, I am leaving on Friday to head upstate for an early summer work study program at the college I am going too. But Granny will know how to get in touch with me. Do you still have her number?" I could tell by the blank look on his face that he couldn't remember her number. _So much for first love._ I reached in the car and grabbed a pen and wrote Granny's number down on his hand.

"Take care, Jacob," I said as I climbed in the car. He watched me drive away and I felt lighter when I started heading home. Maybe, I just needed a compliment.

Edward had still not called by the time I got home and got ready for bed. I called his number. He wasn't there, still.

Thursday flew by. I was completely packed and ready to go. And Granny was set for two weeks. I had shopped and prepared medicine for her. I knew I could come back every few weeks until school started. We contacted Mr. Ernest who promised to come by and check on Granny every few days.

I called Edward Thursday night.

"Hello." He said.

"Hey, EC."

"Oh, hey, Brown Eyes." I heard whispers in the background.

"Oh, I guess you are busy, I can just call you some other time." I tried to sound like I wasn't bothered. Why couldn't his world revolve around me?

"No, its ok, I just have a few friends from high school over. We were just watching some music videos. Give me a minute."

I heard him whisper and then laugh. I missed his laugh. I missed making him laugh. I wanted to be there. I heard him say just give me a few minutes guys. "Edward, I don't mind calling you another time."

"Come on, Brown Eyes, I want to talk to you. I just needed some privacy. Tell me you are going to be here tomorrow?"

"That is the plan."

"Good, I really am looking forward to the weekend with you. Alice has some welcome plans for you."

"Good grief, what can she have planned?"

"I think that she just looks for a reason to get us all in the same room and take shots."

"Edward, has anyone ever told you that you have the best lips?" I was being forward. I knew it, but I wanted to know that he would focus on me. I wanted him to forget his friends.

"You think so?" he asked playing into my game.

"Yeah, I do. I like the way they feel on mine."

"Oh, Bella, I can't wait to welcome you into my world." I have never been so overwhelmed by one statement. It took me off guard. It made me feel wanted. "God, I wish my friends weren't here. I missed talking to you last night. I didn't even think when I invited them over." The line went quiet for a few moments. "Did you do anything exciting yesterday or today?"

"I ran into an old friend of mine down at the boardwalk. I hadn't seen him in a few years."

"Yeah? Any update on the situation with Riley?" He asked me.

"Not really. Edward, I am so ready to leave this place for a while. Granny went over the edge this week. So much has happened. I just want to get away."

"Tomorrow, love, you will be here." The line went silent. I wondered if he caught what he just called me.

"Yeah, I better go so that I can get some rest. It's a long drive by myself."

Leaving Granny on Friday was so hard. I knew that I was her main support, but I knew in both my head and my heart that I had to do this for me.

The drive upstate was long, I had way too much time to think. I ended up attempting to smoke too many cigarettes. Smoking was really not meant for the uncoordinated, especially trying to light a cigarette while driving with your elbows. I knew I would be back in a few weeks to see Renee and Granny, but the further I got from the beach the more I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I felt like I had waited for this day for my entire life. As I pulled into the University, I began to feel excited. I wanted to see my new friends. I parked in front of Alice's dorm and climbed out of my car. I took my purse with me and a backpack I had been carrying since tenth grade. I slung it over my shoulder. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I didn't want to seem to over eager to see everyone.

I had called Alice when I left, so they knew roughly what time I was going to get there. Everyone knew it took roughly four and a half hours to drive across the state. So here I was.

Here I stood.

Ready to start a new phase of my life.

I heard someone call my name. "Isabella Swan?" The tone of the woman saying my name sounded so official. I took a deep breath trying to remember what I had done wrong in the last twenty-four hours.

"Isabella Swan?"

"Yes."

"I am Ms. Walker, the student counselor here at the University. I wanted to catch you before you started your weekend. My office is straight across the lawn, can you come with me for about five minutes?"

I tried not to roll my eyes. I wasn't purposefully trying to be disrespectful, but I hadn't even been here five minutes; it was like the woman had me on radar. I turned to follow her and she continued to talk.

"Your grandmother called when you left to let us know when you would arrive. I know that you need to get settled before you start work and I have already worked out a counseling session with the director of the Computer lab. It should not interfere with allowing you to work the most hours possible while still getting the mandated hours of counseling the Dean is requiring of you to keep your scholarship."

"Ok. Do you have a print out of my schedule?" I asked her.

We walked into the administration building and into her office. She handed me a paper with my work schedule and counseling schedule. I glanced over it. She had me meeting her three times a week for the next two weeks.

"If you miss a session without an excuse, you will be put on academic probation. Miss two sessions and the scholarships are gone."

I shook my head.

"Sign this."

I read over the piece of paper that she handed me. It was exactly what she just said to me and a copy of my schedule. I signed my name, she photocopied it and gave me the copy. She put the original in my file on her desk.

"Now, we have given the name 'Riley Biers' to security. We have also given you a safe phrase. If you call security and say the phrase, or any phrase including these words: Our mascot is the Knights, security will come to you on the assumption that Mr. Biers has managed to get on campus. I need you to repeat what I have told you."

I was completely astonished at how much effort the school had gone through for me. I felt protected. I repeated the instructions Ms. Walker gave to me. She agreed that I understood and told me to have a good weekend and that she would see me on Monday for our first session.

I walked back toward Alice's dorm. I was met half way by Jasper yelling, "I found her!"

"Jasper, who are you looking for?" I asked him.

"We saw your car out the window but you never came in. Knowing your luck we figured someone tried to run over you with a van," Jasper said to me with an honest smile. I looked behind him and saw Alice running up to us.

They looked so happy to see me. They wanted me here, but the one person I wanted to see was not there to greet me.

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><p><strong>I have a lot of new readers…please tell me how you found my story….I am so thankful for all the reviews and readers. I can't tellyou how much it means to me.<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for Greymatters, ButterflyBetty and Cullen Confection.**

**I am an epic failure at review replies. I promise I am working on getting better. I just quit my second job so I will have more time now.**

**Hold on tight, it is about to get bumpy.**

**SM owns it, I just chlorinate the gene pool.**

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><p>Chapter 21<p>

Edward stayed away the entire weekend. He didn't call, he didn't come, he just didn't care. I went through the motions of unpacking, taking pills and just realizing that leaving was not the best plan for me. I watched Jasper and Alice interact together.

I turned to my pills. The more numb I could make myself the better I was. There comes a point when you need for your brain to shut down. You can only criticize yourself so much before your body just says enough. My body was beginning to say enough. I was just going through the motions with Alice and Jasper until I could start my job and "therapy" in the next week.

I couldn't remember the last time I ate a meal.

Monday morning came. I smoked as we went to the dining hall. I picked up a bagel and cream cheese, but left it on my plate and moved it around as I watched Alice and tuned her out. I know that she knew I wasn't listening, but at least she was talking to me.

I thought about my conversations with Renee and Granny over the past weekend. I could hear the pity laced in their voices. It was making me sick to my stomach, they were trying to take the blame for my stupidity. I was stupid and fat. Alice was going on and on about the concert coming up and I was wondering why the hell Edward didn't give a fuck about me. I wanted to just get up and walk away. But that would be rude. The pills were making me think slower. I needed that. I craved that. I didn't want to listen to Alice, wonder about Edward, worry about Granny, stress about school and feel guilty about Riley.

All of a sudden I felt wild and wounded at the same time. Something in me snapped. I couldn't explain it. I interrupted Alice midsentence. "Alice, I need to smoke."

I changed in that moment. I felt it in my heart as I walked away toward the computer lab, keeping my head down. I needed air. I needed strength. I needed to fucking breathe. I lit a cigarette and choked back a sob. I needed to feel needed. I wiped silent tears from face. I needed Edward. As though my thoughts had conjured him, when I looked up he was there.

I may have needed him, but in that moment, I didn't _want _him; I was too pissed at him. I turned around, took a long, long drag off my cigarette and then turned back toward him. I blew out my smoke, put my cigarette in the ashtray, and walked the fuck right by him.

The entire team met in the main computer lab everyday to get their assignments. Alice, Jasper and Emmett came in close behind me and Edward was the last to enter. He tried to come close to me. I wrapped my arms around myself. The leader, Max, handed out assignments and told me I would be working with a kid named Tobey and another chick; I didn't hear her name. Apparently all the kids worked in groups of two. And this is how I would get my training.

"Ms. Swan?" asked Max.

"Yes sir?" I answered.

"I know you have another meeting that may interfere with your schedule. Just get your work done," he told me and them motioned for me to catch up to Tobey and no-name chick.

I looked up and saw Edward and Tobey talking. No-name chick was chatting with Alice. Everyone seemed comfortable except me; I was a stranger in my own skin. Before I exited the building I stopped by the water fountain. A little Xanax would go a long way for today.

Edward was staring at me when I looked up from the water fountain. Or at least I think that he was, because it was hard to see behind his sunglasses. I walked out looking straight at him. Thank God, I didn't trip over anything.

"Hey, Bella," no-name chick said. "I'm Jane." I turned to her. "Alice has said that you have met and hung out with them for a bit. We can show you around and show you what we do, but honestly it isn't that hard."

"Great, Jane. I appreciate the help."

She lit a smoke right in front of me. My craving must have been obvious, because she held the pack out to me. "Want one?"

"Yeah, I do. Honestly, this is just a lot to get used to." I look Edward square in the eyes. "It seems like as soon as I get one thing straight in my head it changes."

Jane followed my eyes. She chuckled. "Yeah, good luck with that one."

She turned and walked over to Tobey and they talked about the lists we were given. I stood off by myself. Edward finished his conversation about his sheet with Emmett and started toward me.

He stood in front of me; I felt trapped. I looked around hoping someone would notice. I closed my eyes took a deep breath. This was not okay. My head was screaming to me. I realized Edward was talking. I opened my eyes, Jasper was walking toward us. Edward was still talking. I turned to the left and looked out into the distance.

"Bella, you okay?" Jasper asked me.

"Yeah, Jasper, I am," I said to Jasper while still staring in the distance. "I thought I heard the wind blowing, and it sounded like someone talking, but I just think I'm hearing things." When I finished, I looked Edward briefly in the eyes, and walked away.

"Brown Eyes," Edward said sternly. I kept walking. "Brown Eyes!" He said louder. I was trying to get to Tobey and Jane. "Damn it Bella. Stop! Just listen to me!"

"I heard you loud and clear Cullen. I get that you didn't feel the need to see me or talk to me this weekend. So don't fucking act like we're best friends." Everyone was watching us.

Max came out of his dungeon. "Why aren't you kids working? Edward, you know the drill; you can't get sent home. Now get to work. All of you. Swan, you can't be laying off either. You know what? Cullen you take Swan with you and Emmett. Looks like the two of you have some issues. Work them out or you are both out! Got it?" He didn't wait for us to respond. "Good, now GO!"

For the love of God, could my luck get any freaking worse?

"Ok, so we are working on the 200 hall of Blackburn dorm. Bella-Bella, we need to test each rooms ability to connect to the schools intranet as well as the external internet. But first we have to put cover plates on the connections. That is what we are doing today. We have 8 hours to finish twenty rooms. Seriously, we can knock this out," Emmett explained.

The tension between Edward and I was thick. I tried to keep pace with Emmet but in my bitch-tacular mood I was losing ground. And I could tell that Edward was trying to get the opportunity to be one-on-one. "Dude, you have got to slow down. Unless you want to carry my fat ass."

Emmett came to a stop and roared with laughter. "Sorry Bella. I'm not used to having someone other than Cullen with me when I'm working."

"So, how long with this take?" I asked them both while everyone paused to light smokes.

"Between the three of us, we can finish the rooms in about two hours. Especially once you are able to do a room on your own. Seriously, the afternoon is ours. Max doesn't care, but you and Cullen can't keep fighting like that," Emmett answered.

"Brown Eyes?" Edward tried to get my attention.

"Don't call me that."

"Bella, stop treating me like I'm Riley! Hear me out…" he almost shouted at me.

"Then stop acting like him!" It was wrong of me to say that. The moment the words left my mouth I knew I should not have said them.

"What, the only way to get you to listen to me is to hold you down? Fuck this, Bella. You don't know what happened."

"I don't know what happened because you couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and call!" We were both shouting at each other. Part of me was expecting him to hit me. I don't know where this aggression was coming from. The other part of me knew I was angry with the right person but for all the wrong reasons.

"Guys, you better cool it. Public Safety is coming. I mean I hate to break up the romance and all but look." Emmett pointed up the sidewalk.

We turned to finish our walk to the dorm. The Public Safety Officer caught up to us. "Are you Isabella Swan?"

"Yes, sir." I looked at Emmett and then Edward.

"I need you to come back to the Public Safety office, we need to talk with you. Your friends can come, too, they may need to hear this. Especially you, Mr. Cullen."

"Yes, sir," I repeated. I knew this could mean my scholarship were gone. All over a stupid fight with another stupid boy.

We all started walking behind the public safety officer. "Max told me where you were. We came looking for you as soon as we got the call."

Edward spoke up, "Sir, can you tell us what is going on?"

"I need to wait until we get back to the Public Safety Office, Edward. "

Edward stepped close to me and matched my pace. I had put my arms across my chest trying to give myself the support I needed to go another step. A thousand different things were going through my mind from losing the scholarship or the work study, to Granny getting sick, to the pills that were in my pants pocket.

"Officer Bailey, do you think I need to call my dad?" Edward asked him.

"You know what Edward? That may not be a bad idea."

That one sentence made me realize that I had fallen for Edward, and being angry over my broken heart was going to cost me everything. Why did I have to speak up? I should have just let Edward talk and not cared. I hung my head. I hadn't realized that Edward had stepped in front of me until I ran into him.

"Hey. Look at me," he said, reaching out and putting his hands on my shoulders. "I don't know what is going on. But you and me, ok? You and me, together. Got it?"

I gave him a small smile and nodded my head. For the next ten minutes I would take the strength where ever I could find it.

As we walked I thought of the different things I needed to do. Edward was walking slightly behind me. I reached in my pants pockets and tried to slide out the two pills without the public safety officer seeing me. I knew that if they found these on me I would certainly be sent back home. As I pulled my hand out of my pocket ready to drop the pills into the grass, Edward grabbed my elbow and shook his head. He grabbed my hand and let me drop the pills into his.

This was his way of taking responsibility for me.

I remembered one of the last times Riley and I were together, he hid acid on me so he wouldn't get caught with it. I looked over at Edward and I knew at least for this moment, he was different.

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><p><strong>I would be honored if you left me some love. It ins<strong>**pires me to write. **

**I am reading Fight Club by Ro Nordmann. Love Fighterward. **

**I would also love it if you checked out my one shot called _Let me be your Parachute._ Do it…you know you want too.**


	22. Chapter 22

**SM owns the character names. The story is mine.**

**Thanks to the usual ladies!**

**Your reviews really helped me get over a huge case of writers block. I hope I responded to everyone. I can't thank you enough.**

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><p>As we walked into the public safety building my heart pounded out of my chest. Edward had his hand in the middle of my lower back and it almost felt as though he was guiding my steps. I could hear everyone talk but it was almost as though I was in a tunnel.<p>

"Right this way, Edward, Bella" the officer held the door open.

We walked into a small room with no windows. A chair scraped against the floor and it was only at that moment I realized another person was in the room with us. I looked up and tried to hide the shock on my face.

"Oh, Bella. It is so good to see you. I drove up as quick as I could. It took me forever to get here. I thought it would be better to come up here and get you. I knew you would be too upset to drive. Granny had a heart attack this morning. It took me forever to prove to these idiots I was your cousin. Your sweet mama sent me here to get you," Benny said, his voice sounding earnest and sincere, but his eyes cold and calculating.

I stiffened and called him out. "Why didn't Renee call me? I could have had Alice drive me home?"

"She thought you needed to be with your family right now. Let's go. You don't want to waste anymore time here. Granny could be getting worse."

"Which hospital is she at? Let me call and talk to her." I was starting to panic, thinking maybe he was telling the truth or some part of the truth.

"You don't have time Bella. We can call from your room while we grab a few things," Benny replied in a calm voice. Perhaps only I noticed the calm but it was too calm.

The thoughts running through my head were alternating between Benny and Granny. I knew it didn't make sense.

"Ms. Swan, we tried calling your Grandmother and she is not answering, your mother is not answering at home or work either," The public safety officer interjected, breaking my thought pattern.

"I gotta go." I turned and my face ran into Edward's chest. I had almost forgotten he was still behind me. He wrapped his arms around me. He held me in a tight hug. He kissed the top of my head. "I can walk you to your room."

"There is no need for that. Let her FAMILY take of that," Benny said, emphasizing family. Or perhaps I was the only one to hear that. Benny stood and walked closer to me

There is no way the Public Safety Officers didn't know that Benny wasn't related to me. He probably had papers with him. I guess by calling the numbers in my file they were checking up on Benny as much as possible.

"Bella, you need to go now. Tell your friends goodbye. We're leaving," Benny said as he put his arm around my shoulder.

Edward and Emmett stayed behind me I could hear them talking to Public Safety. I don't know what they were talking about. I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I knew I couldn't outrun him. What if Riley was holding Granny hostage? If Riley was out wouldn't the school have been notified? The thoughts spun in my head.

"You obey so well, Bella. Damn, Riley is lucky. He said you would listen to me, especially when you found out about Granny," Benny almost chuckled

I would not allow myself to cry. I would not. I needed a clear head. We had almost made it to my dorm. "You gotta wait out here Benny. They don't let boys in," I told him. This would give me some space.

"Don't be stupid, princess. I am family, of course, I can go in with you." He leaned closer to me trapping me between him and the door. He glanced at his watch and back at me. "You know we have a little time. I drove like a bat out of hell to come get you. He isn't expecting us for another hour." He pressed his hips into me "Riley said you were too fat to fuck, but damn I find you soft in all the right places, and you could just keep this within the 'family'."

He pushed into me again making sure I felt exactly what he meant. "Come on, Bella. Don't you think it would piss him off if you and I hooked up? Just one time. It really could be a secret."

"Benny, is my Granny ok?" I asked him, trying my best to play whatever role I could in order to get the information I needed.

"Give me what I want Bella and I will give you what you want," he whispered, pressing his lips to mine.

"Motherfucker! I knew it. I knew you weren't her fucking cousin," Edward shouted from nowhere, running toward us. He reached Benny and you could feel the fury coming off of him. He yanked Benny by his blonde ponytail.

"I fuckin' dare you to run. Try it. Try it." Edward was taunting Benny.

"What are you gonna do about it? If I don't get her back to Riley there is no telling what he will do to her granny next. You got no choice but to let me go."

"Oh, I have a plan," Emmett said. "That piece of shit."

"Are you going to help us or are you going to jail with Riley?" Emmett asked him. "I am not putting up with this shit for a second longer. Where the fuck is he?"

"He is waiting at the Comfort Inn, man. You don't know the shit you are getting yourselves into. Bella, tell them just to let you go. You know he is going to go crazy with these kids," Benny warned. "Just let me take you back. It is the easiest way to make him leave everyone alone. Then you just come back here and you two just drift apart Bella. You don't know what all is at stake."

Benny's eyes were telling me that he must have agreed to something more than just giving Riley a ride to me.

"Benny, did he hurt Granny?" I asked with hope that he would answer.

"Bella, you know what he is capable of," Benny replied. Edward stood next to him, daring Benny to move with nothing more than a look in his eyes. "As far as I know all he has done is cut her phone line at the connection. He figured Renee wouldn't answer. He got lucky."

A public safety officer appeared from around the corner of the building. "Boy, you are going to take us to him. I have already called the State Troopers. They will be here in a few moments. If you play nice and this goes ok, I will tell the State boys that you helped us."

The fear in Benny's eyes confirmed that there was more to this deal than just me. Oh I knew that Riley wanted me, but Benny must have sold his soul to the devil.

"Alright, let's go back to the office." The officer grabbed Benny. Emmett walked behind the officer.

"You okay?" Edward asked.

"There is something so incredibly wrong with me for my life to be this hard, Edward. Nobody goes through this much shit." I stared straight ahead as I walked.

"Bella, I know. But you've got me now. And I swear I'll help you. I don't know what's about to happen, but damn if you don't have us to help you."

"Whatever, Edward, just like you were there to welcome me here."

"You gotta give me a chance to explain," he said, turning toward me.

Emmett stopped and turned around to us. He did it so fast we barely saw it and I almost walked into him. He pointed his finger in Edward's face. "Not the time, dude. You fucked up. But right now isn't the time. Our only goal right now is to make sure this Riley dude can't mess with Bella Bella anymore! Got it?"

As we arrived at the public safety building, I just wanted to run. I knew they were going to want me to try to help find Riley. I didn't want to see him. Yet, I was so excited that he had concocted this plan to come get me. I didn't care about the beating. I cared that he wanted me enough to do whatever it took to get me back to him.

I was warring with myself, and at this point I didn't know which side would win. I wanted too much to help save Riley. I wanted too much to help save me.

"Miss Swan?" Another room , another officer.

"Yes, sir."

"I am Detective Demitri and I am here to help you."

"I don't need help, sir I just need to get back to my job before I lose it," I responded on autopilot. I barely registered the words coming out of my mouth.

"I can assure you Miss Swan you will not lose your job while you are with me."

"We now understand that Riley Biers posted bail on Saturday."

The news was expected, but somehow surprised me anyhow. "Okay, I mean I assumed since I saw Benny here that he was out of jail but I did not know when or how."

"He posted bail and was told that he could not leave the county. We have reason to believe based on everything we heard from Benny that he is here in this county and is waiting on you. We do know that at this point your Grandmother is not answering her phone, but she has not been checked into any hospitals. We have reached your mother and she is doing everything she can to get off work to help with this situation. We anticipate her being with your Grandmother as soon as we locate her."

"Okay," I nodded.

I could hear the voices of Emmett and Edward mumbling in the background but I could not understand what they were saying. It took every ounce of strength for me to concentrate on not throwing up. I felt like I was almost helpless.

"Miss Swan, we have an idea and we need your help will you help us?" the officer asked me. Silence fell over the room. "I think with your help we can put Mr. Biers behind bars for a lot longer than just a few months on a kidnapping and assault charge. Can you help us? A lot of people are depending on you?"

"What would happen to Riley?" I asked, squeezing my eyes shut. Why the hell did I care? God, I don't want him to get hurt. Just then Edward walked just into my field of vision. It was like he knew I need to be reminded that there could be someone else to protect me. Almost like he had a mental magnet on me. But I couldn't depend on him. Where was he when I got here?

"I can't tell you exactly. But if you help with our plan I can guarantee you will not have to worry about him for a long time," the officer reassured me.

"I will always worry, you don't know how weak he truly is. You can't understand but underneath everything Riley was everything to me." I felt tears well up in my eyes and suddenly wished I was able to hit my stash to find something to calm me down, to help me think.

"Miss Swan, Riley has done more than you know. Are you going to let him do it to a fifteen-year old next?" I looked up at Edward, whose face was pale. I don't know which sentence made him lose his color, mine or the officer's. He was leaning with his back against the wall, his arms folded across his chest, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle.

"Sir, do you think I could talk to Bella for a minute?" Edward asked so quietly, I turned my head to the side to make sure that I even heard him.

"Sure, son. But she has been through a lot today and may not understand everything she is saying or doing to you." He patted Edward on the shoulder as he walked out.

"Brown Eyes?"

"You can't call me that." A look of shock registered on his face. "You don't get to call me that. It implies you give a shit." I don't know where the coldness was coming from. It didn't even faze me, the words that came out of my mouth.

He took two steps forward and knelt just in front of my feet. I remember us being in a similar position a few days, weeks, months ago. I didn't know. I how long have I known him? Where was I?

"Bella?" He tried to look for my soul with his eyes. I didn't have one anymore. My soul was gone, too much bad stuff. "Bella, I wasn't here because of my parents, it had nothing to do with you I swear. They took my freakin' keys. I tried to sneak out but they caught me. I wanted to be here. I wanted to welcome you here, welcome you to my home. They took my phone when they caught me sneaking out."

"Do you think I care anymore?" I asked.

"Bella, I hope you do. But if you don't let's just take care of Riley so you can move on. You can't let him hurt anyone else, baby. You gotta stop this."

"Why? I did my part I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting people. I'm tired of getting hurt." Even I could tell that my emotions were all over the place. God how could anyone stand to be around me? No wonder Edward stayed with his parents all weekend.

"I will be with you no matter what. I will help you get through this day."

I knew what he was saying. After we finished with Riley we were done. Isn't that what I wanted? Wasn't I done with him?

"Edward, can you get me something to drink?"

"Anything, anything." he repeated himself.

I wanted out of this room. I wanted out of this town. I wanted out of this life. I wanted to calm down.

Edward walked back in with another man.

"Bella Swan, this is my father, Carlisle Cullen. The public safety officers asked me to call him because he is a doctor."

We shook hands. I think I mumbled hello and nice to meet you. I almost felt like I was watching myself from the ceiling.

Edward handed me a Coke. I love Coke. I drank it like it was manna from Heaven.

"She is close to going into shock. What happened today?" I heard Dr. Cullen ask the officer.

Edward stayed close as Dr. Cullen and the officer recapped the day.

"What do they want me to do?" I asked Edward. I didn't know if he knew, I didn't know why I was asking him.

"I don't know." He put his hands on my hips. He reached up to my chin forcing me to look in his eyes. "I don't know, but damn let's do it and get on with our day. Come on Bella, remember what he did to you? Because I damn well do. And he shouldn't be allowed to touch another human being."

I drank more soda. I was coming back into myself.

"Bella?" Dr. Cullen walked over to me. "I want to ask you some questions and maybe give you some meds to help keep you calm."

"I have some for my panic attacks, Dr. Cullen. I just don't have them with me. I can go back to my room and get them. Honestly, the fresh air would do me a world of good. It would give me a chance to think and give these guys a minute to put the plan in action." I motioned toward the officer.

"I am sending Edward with you. Would you rather it be Emmett or someone else?"

"Edward." I saw him suppress a smile, didn't I?

We walked in silence. When we reached my room. I grabbed my bottle and popped two Xanax, then offered Edward my bottle.

I don't know what he took.

"Edward? I need a favor before we go back."

"Anything."

"Will you kiss me?" I asked him thinking this would be our last. I knew he would be done with me after all this.

"Anytime," he said has he crashed into me. We kissed with a frenzy. He kissed my lips, down my neck, and across my forehead. "Brown Eyes, I have wanted to do that since Friday," he said when we broke apart to catch our breath.

"Let's get back and finish this later." He motioned between the two of us.

When we arrived back the officers were waiting and I didn't even realize on had followed us.

"We have plan, Miss Swan."

Benny was standing there and smirked at me. "Yep, she's his weakness and he will fall for it."

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><p><strong>Please let me know what you are thinking. <strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Yeah, I have no excuses. Thanks for sticking with me. I can't promise that I won't take this long to update, but this story will be finished.**

**Special thanks to Siobhan Masen and Butterfly Betty.**

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><p>Benny and I rode to the hotel together. Riley had violated his parole and the restraining order we had placed against him. But what everyone was most concerned about were his plans and who was involved in them. We were told that our goal was to get him to talk about his plans.<p>

"Benny, why do you think I am a weakness to Riley?"

"Bella, you don't see yourself very clearly. I mean you were the first girl that Riley wouldn't let us fuck around with. You were the first that he kept coming back too. Either he cares about you or you are a good lay."

"We never did that and you know it," I said as my voice trailed to a whisper. I couldn't identify exactly what I was feeling. Shame or guilt, I don't know, but it was enough to overwhelm me. It was odd to hear one of Riley's friends confesses that Riley cared or even had feelings for me.

"You just don't get it. Bella, we are fucking crazy dudes. We have lives you couldn't possibly understand. I mean you know all about Riley and his dad, right? I mean he told you all that fucked up shit. Bella, I have known that dude for a while. His dad made him think that the way he treats people is normal. And when you mix that shit with what we do," he motioned to his lips like he was smoking a joint, "we have to be fucking tough and crazy." He let his words sit in the air heavy like smoke.

I nodded my head in silence.

"You got through to him. I mean he let you in. If he does it once then you are in for life."

"Benny, he will not forgive me. I put him in jail. I told him that I didn't love him. He is going to be so mad." Did I want him to forgive me? Why should I care, wasn't I just doing this to help the police? I just needed to get through the next five minutes. "Why are you going against your friend? I mean why are you helping?"

"I made a deal, Bella. Now just play your part and I'll play mine and after all this is over, hopefully we can go on with our lives." He reached for my hand as he drove. I just curled further into myself.

We pulled into the hotel and I could feel my nerves shaking me to my bones.

"You got this."

"You don't know what he did."

"I know what he is capable of. You are strong. Now let's get this dog and pony show going before we get accused of much worse than we did."

Deep Breath…

Deep Breath…

Deep Breath…

Benny rapped on the door with his knuckles. Three raps, two raps and the two more. Riley was paranoid, always afraid the police or someone would turn on him. And here I was…

"It about time you got back here. Damn, baby you look like hell. A few days without me and you let yourself go to shit. Although, you do look like you have lost a little weight." Riley said while looking me up and down. I felt like he was inspecting me. "What, you can't speak? Are your jaws too tired from convincing Benny to bring you back?"

"I can't go back with you Ry," I said just above a whisper.

"The fuck? Did I even ask your ass back? You have no idea what I have had to go through to get here. And you're going to say shit like that to me? What the hell have they been telling you at this place? These people are full of shit. Are they trying to make you think you're better than me?"

"No, Riley. I just can't go back to the beach right now."

He was trying to calm himself. He took a long step toward me. "You don't know about all the plans I have in place." He stopped just a step away and looked deep into my eyes as he switched directions with his conversation. "I forgive you for lying." He spun on his heel and began to pace as he spoke. "I've been working so hard to get shit together. We can move into a two bedroom. I'll even let you go to school." I had never heard Riley this close to begging before.

"Riley you can't take care of me. And I have to get away from Granny and learn how to live. I can't be worried about the police or stuff like that. It scares me." Fear took over, I knew why I was here, it was just for the cops and their info they needed but it felt real to me, it felt like I was back in his clutches once again.

"I'm going to quit. I have just two more deals that will set us up and I'll quit."

I looked over to Benny who was staring at the wall and rubbing the back of his neck.

"You can't just quit Riley. You're in way to deep. What are you going to tell Toby? He is never ever going to let you just walk the fuck away." Benny said to Riley.

"Ben, I have talked to Toby, I just have to do these last two deals at the marina next week and it is enough money for me and Bella to live."

"Riley, I can't go home with you." I saw the anger flash in his eyes. I heard his ragged breathing. He sucked in a deep breath and spoke again, with eerie calmness.

"Bella, just hear me out." I have never seen him reign in his emotions like that. "You stay here until I get Toby taken care of. Then you can come home."

"No. I can't." I stood up to my full height and hoped my bravado would convince him that I spoke the truth.

"Are you trying to piss me off, Bella? I mean, do I need to remind you?" Again the anger flashed. "Here, baby, take this." He handed me a pill. I didn't know what it was. "It will help you calm down."

"No." I don't want Riley to be in control of me anymore, do I?

"What the fuck Bella? You come up her and suddenly you think you can boss me around? Ben – you need to leave us alone for a minute. I think B-B-Bella needs to be reminded who is boss in this relationship." I try not to freak the fuck out for a moment; I try to remember that the police are close enough to save me if this goes wrong. I hold it all in and prove to Riley that his hold on me is gone.

"We don't have a relationship anymore Riley. And I'm not going back with you." Didn't the police have enough, wouldn't they come in soon? Couldn't they tell Riley was getting upset? I didn't want to lie to him and that is what I was going to have to do if they didn't come in soon.

"I have risked everything to come get you and bring you back home. You belong to me and with me. You know that. I have made arrangements. I'll take care of you."

"What arrangements, Riley? Some big drug deal with Toby? You think I want that? You think I want to be part of always wondering about police, always wondering about who you have pissed off? That isn't the life for me." I surprised myself.

"Bella, damn it, I love you. Come on. Come home. I'm sorry. I promise no more. I can take care of you." As he said these words, I saw a glimpse of the good Riley I let myself fall for. He wa pleading with me.

Why was he being nice? Could he change? Did the prison time help him? Did he get help while he was in there? Did he just say he still loves me? Why now? I was getting lost in my thoughts.

"You love me?" I asked him, all of my prior confidence gone.

"Bella, yes. I have let you in my world, my house, my life. Come home, let me show you. Baby, it won't be like before. Just listen to me and don't fuck around anymore. We both have some lessons to learn." There it is was. That subtle hint that nothing had changed. His last sentence let me know that he intended to teach me a lesson. Riley was a brutal teacher. What I couldn't figure out is why he wasn't getting angry. He stepped closer to me. So close, I thought he would kiss me. My only thought was 'Please don't'. His heat, his passion, his change might be my resolve. Had I resolved to stay away? What was keeping me here? Why did I want to even stay away?

"Hey, Riley, so tell me about this thing at the marina, man," Benny said breaking the cloud of tension Riley and I were under.

Riley fell right into Benny's trap. The excitement in Riley's eyes about how big this was blew me away. He couldn't leave this lifestyle. He was made for it. He continued giving detail after detail to Benny. I wondered what they talked about on the drive here. Surely, Benny knew these details, why else would he drive Riley this far?

I stepped away and into the bathroom. I tried to give them privacy, but yet be close enough to listen as well.

"So, what are you going to do if she doesn't come back?"

"She will. Why don't you give us a few minutes alone, you know so I can convince her how good we were."

No, Benny, please don't leave, I thought to myself. Please don't leave. Why don't the cops come in? Maybe they don't care about busting Riley anymore. My thoughts were racing. Maybe the police were waiting because now they could get Toby if they kept waiting. But who was going to save me?

I heard the door close.

I flushed the toilet and came out to wash my hands. Riley was leaning against the wall, waiting for me to come out. He stepped up behind me as I approached the sink. He moved my hair and started kissing my neck. A kiss with a slight suck and a tap with his tongue.

'_No Bella. No Bella._' I repeated to myself. '_Don't fall for it. As good as he felt, being away felt good too._'

"No, Ry you have to stop." I tried to take control of the situation again.

"You don't mean that," he murmured against my skin.

"Yes, I do. I don't want this. I'm not good for you. I bring out the worst in you and I can't stop myself. You have a good thing going just go home and you and Benny do what you need to do." I tried to turn around to face him. He pushed me harder into the sink. He pushed himself into me.

"You know I took you like this on your birthday? You remember that? I gave you Ecstasy and then I took you." The memories were back. I would never be worthy of anything after that."You were so tight; you know I ruined you for other guys. You can't replace me." I tried again to turn, but he just held me in place.

"Come with me." It almost sounded sincere, I almost caved.

"No." I whispered, maybe if I broke the news softly then he wouldn't lose his temper.

"Why the fuck not?" His voice rising.

"We aren't good together. I told you."

"You can't replace me."

"I'm not trying. We just can't be together anymore. I don't love you." I try for honesty, for my honest feelings. Let's see how that goes over.

"Fuck you Bella Swan." That was his breaking point. I saw it in his eyes. He moved his hands to my neck. "Do you know how easy it would be for me to end you?"

"Yes, you have told me time and time again." He wasn't choking me but his hands were around my neck. In an almost sensual manner, sensual yet threatening all at the same time. But that was Riley. "Just do it. Get it over with. I'm tired of being afraid of you."

"I haven't taught you fear yet." And with that sentence he started to squeeze. "You scared yet?" I just kept eye contact with him in the mirror. "How about now?" as he squeezed tighter.

"You're hurting me again." I cried as I instinctively reached for his hands, I didn't want to show fear but there was no way around it.

"You can't fight me off. You think your little friends will come and save you now? Where are they? I don't see them. It's just you and me." He lets go and backs away from me. I know now is the time.

I run for the door.

FUCK!

It's locked. I pound on it with my clenched fist. "Help me, please!" I scream. It is too late, Riley is behind me.

"You fucking bitch! I thought you had changed. You should feel like shit for what you put me through!" I kick the door hoping to get attention. "I sent Ben away. Nobody is going to come looking for you. Apparently, you don't understand Bella. I'm tired of asking you. Now, I'm _telling_ you that you have to come home. You know too fucking much. I screwed up letting you in the way I did." His eyes turned hard and calculating.

"I just want to forget you." I half screamed half sobbed.

The hotel room phone rang. My saving grace.

"You answer that, because your ass will run if I do. You didn't think I was smart enough to know that? Just because I didn't go to college doesn't mean I'm not smart."

"Hello?" I said trying to compose myself. Riley held the phone so he could hear what was being said.

"This is the front desk, we have a noise complaint." The disjointed voice spoke to us.

"I'm sorry, I will try to keep it down." I sucked in a deep breath to be able to speak without a sob interrupting my speech.

"IS everyting okay, ?"

"How do you…umm yes." I caught my mistake and hoped that Riley did not. I prayed Riley did not. One glance in his eyes, told me he did catch it.

"How the hell did they know your name, Bella?" Riley asked as he yanked the phone from me and slammed it. "You betrayed me, didn't you?"

I said nothing. He was right.

"Fuck you, you fucking dream about what I'm going to do to you when I get done with this."

There was a loud knock on the door. The police were standing on the other side. Riley simply smirked at me. Riley wouldn't answer the door, he wouldn't let me either, the police had to kick the door in to get to us. Riley stood the whole time and stared off into space. Almost as if he couldn't believe this was really happening.

Carlisle Cullen was standing just behind the police. I made eye contact with him as he pushed through to get me as they were cuffing Riley.

"Edward is waiting for you. He is crazy with worry. We almost had to cuff him to keep him from coming in here."

I looked up at Carlisle. "Edward is worried about me?"

"Of course, you're his girl, right?"

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><p><strong>Your reviews mean the world to me. I cant thank you for your support enough. <strong>

**Love,**

**CC**


	24. Chapter 24

**This has not been preread or beta'd. I take full responsibility for any backlash this may cause.**

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><p>Three months later…<p>

To know I was safe from Riley made my life easier, even if I didn't admit it to myself. There are subtle things I do that are a direct result of him, like never sit in a booth with my back to the crowd. I only do it if I have no choice. I still jump if someone raises a hand to me too quickly. I stutter if I am not sure of myself.

Edward and I are getting along pretty well. He is so tender with me and that is something I am not used too. He has taught me how to dance. Not ballroom dancing or anything like that, but the dancing you do when your body feels the music. The dancing you do when your soul is set free. The dance you do when the world isn't watching and if they are you don't give a damn.

Six Months later…

I have grown to depend on Edward. I hang on his words. I wait for his calls. I can't breathe without him. He is my new poison.

Nine months later…

Edward has asked me to live with him this summer. I want to. There is nothing at the beach for me anymore. Granny is still there and I visit, but I need to be here. I need to be with Edward. I don't think I trust him. He has never given me reason not to. I am really excited about it.

I learn to trust him that summer.

Four years later…

Edward proposed.

Five years later….

We are married.

Fifteen years later…

We are still married. I still never sit in a booth with my back to the crowd, unless I have no choice. I still jump if someone raises a hand too quickly or too close. I stutter when I am nervous. I guess some things will never change.

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><p><strong>Dear readers: I want to thank you for taking the journey and sticking around. I never intended to end the story this way. But I have lost my passion for it and I don't want to leave you hanging. There is a possibility that I will take this chapter down and replace it with more details. I don't blame you for thinking this is a cop-out. For that I am truly sorry. This is the best I can give you for now, for this story.<strong>


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